Some times God puts you in the place where you are needed, even if you didn't want to be there...

Today was an odd day. It was one of those days where there was never a minute to rest. Crazy things happening. Today I was coming out of one of our offices and encountered staff from another department trying to help a man find a "pastor". He wanted pastoral care, was I pastoral care? Yes. Am I minister? Yes. Well he was told to talk to my other colleague, a male, who was away. Did he want to talk to a man? or would I do? Well... then he poured out this story about the past few days. He said he remarried because he was lonely, only to discover that his wife is not the woman he thought she was. Then he told me details of how she abuses him, verbally and physically. He has called hotlines for domestic abuse. There are shelters for battered women, but not ONE for men. He has been staying in a hostel for the past week. He began by saying that he had not been a man of faith but had recently returned to the faith. He just wanted someone to talk to and pray with him. He told me that he would return and tell me how it ended.

Yes I know that men get abused too. I think it is one of those other hidden occurences, like miscarriages, that people do not want to share with others. Pride, or just too painful to admit, I don't know.

Then I went back to eat my lunch that I had started an hour and half earlier. My boss shows up and looks at his watch. "How long have you been sitting here?" meaning that sometimes we linger a bit longer than normal and it WAS 2 p.m. "Well if you must know, I have been here for 15 minutes. It is just one of those days and I will probably only be here for 10 more while I finish my conversation with my colleague. Is that alright?" Yes I'm just kidding. He said.

I left that area to go check in a patient. Instead I spy another outpatient that I have not seen since February. She tells me that she is going to court tomorrow regarding the assault case against an ex-boyfriend. We catch up on the story, she tells me about the details of his arrest, how she has an alias because she does not want him to find her. Hurt her. And that she is going to court tomorrow because she wants to proove to him and herself that she is strong enough to face him.

This was my day. Sometimes God does lead you to places or people that you really would rather not deal with. But I know that if I don't do His leading, that I will miss out on awesome experiences with people and I won't be like Jonah. No whale for me.

Yesterday I went to a Jewish "unveiling" service for one of my patients. I took my husband and we met the family of the deceased, sister, brother, nephews, and those who were close to her. There was about 20 people there. I was the only one from the hospital. We gathered in the parking lot, visiting and introducing ourselves and how we knew P. After this, we began a long walk up the cemetary to the grave site. There was a brown cloth draped over the stone. The Rabbi began by the call to gather, and the Cantor also did his piece. While I did not know what he was saying, in Hebrew, it was familiar and beautiful. The Rabbi invited the sister/brothers to remove the cloth together and then they said the Mourner's prayer together.

Mourners: Yit-ga-dal ve-yit-ka-dash she-mey ra-ba
Be-al-ma div-ra chir-u-tey
Ve-yam-lich mal-chu-tey
Be-cha-yey-chon uv-yo-me-chon uv-cha-yey de-chol beyt yis-ra-el
Ba-a-ga-la u-viz-man ka-riv ve-im-ru a-men.

Mourners: Let God's name be made great and holy in the world that was created as God willed. May God complete the holy realm in your own lifetime, in your days, and in the days of all the house of Israel, quickly and soon. And say: Amen.

Congregation: Ye-hey she-mey ra-ba me-va-rach
le-a-lam ul-al-mey al-ma-ya.

Congregation: May God's great name be blessed, forever and as long as worlds endure.

Mourners: Yit-ba-rach ve-yish-ta-bach ve-yit-pa-ar ve-yit-ro-mam
ve-yit-na-sey
Ve-yit-ha-dar ve-yit-a-leh ve-yit-ha-lal she-mey de-kud-sha
Be-rich hu
Le-ela le-ela mi-kol bir-cha-ta
ve-shi-ra-ta tush-be-cha-ta
ve-ne-che-ma-ta da-a-mi-ran
be-al-ma
ve-im-ru a-men.

Mourners: May it be blessed, and praised, and glorified, and held in honor, viewed with awe, embellished, and revered; and may the blessed name of holiness be hailed, though it be higher by far than all the blessings, songs, praises, and consolations that we utter in this world. And say: Amen.

Ye-hey she-la-ma ra-ba min
she-ma-ya
Ve-cha-yim a-ley-nu ve-al kol
yis-ra-el ve-im-ru a-men.

O-seh sha-lom bim-ro-mav
hu ya-a-seh sha-lom a-ley-nu
ve-al kol yis-ra-el
ve-al kol yosh-vey tevel ve-im-ru amen.

May Heaven grant a universal peace, and life for us, and for all Israel. And say: Amen.

May the one who creates harmony above, make peace for us and for all Israel, and for all who dwell on earth. And say: Amen

My husband later said that while the service was different, it was good because it gave a nice summing of the person.. a nice way to say good-bye. In our North American traditions, our Christian traditions, we will have the funeral/memorial service about a week after the death, but there is usually nothing more. Where I grew up, it is more common to see a memorial, with picture, in the paper about a year or many years after the death of the loved one. My mother told me she did not want that done for her. It can be somewhat tacky. But in a sense, there is nothing for those of us left. The funeral service happens... and that is it. There is no real mention or understanding of grief. People are expected to just "move on" or get over it. We see this in soap operas. A character dies and there is no mention of them again, or it is dragged out, boring the audience. Grief is not something that people wish to think about, but it is a part of life. I liked the unveiling. It was helpful for me as I was not able to attend the service at the time of her death, and I think it was helpful for that family. To remember the life of P. and her passion for living even up to the end.

My relationship with P. was short compared with her long life, but she inspired me to learn more about the Jewish tradition. I had previously liked to read books by Anita Diamant, which are novels and informative books about Jewish life. And this has inspired me to read about other traditions as well. Sikh, Hindu, Buddhist and Aboriginal spirituality.

I have recently learned the joys of commuting to work. On the subway, I have time to read so I have read one of the free papers. The latest issue for debate is as followed:
Visitors find Vancouverites cold
By MATT KIELTYKA, 24 HOURS
Vancouver's unique culture may go a long way in explaining why so many visitors see Vancouverites as uncaring.
International student co-ordinator at UBC's International House, Regina Lyakhovetska, says many students get the cold shoulder from locals.
"Students say people are very polite, but that does not mean there are a lot of people willing to help," said Lyakhovetska. "They say Vancouverites are more closed to themselves and it is hard to get to know them."
The feeling is amplified when you're new to the country and trying to adapt to life in Vancouver, she said.
Joe Fardell, president of Tourism Calgary, said Vancouver has a reputation for not being the friendliest city in the country.
"It's friendly, but at the same time it's not as friendly as other cities when it comes to tourism," he said. "Compared to smaller cities like Halifax, Vancouver and Toronto just aren't as friendly."
Fardell said people in Vancouver are so used to having tourists wandering around the city they don't go out of their way to help.
"It's just a different culture, they expect tourists to do their own thing," he said.
Not surprisingly, Fardell rates Calgary as the friendliest city in Canada, but he says it's an honest answer.
"I haven't been here that long and I've lived all over the country, but Calgary is No. 1," he said. "As for Vancouver, maybe top five."

When I first got here to Vancouver, I said to one of my girlfriends from back home, that the people were friendly but something was missing... the warmth. I don't know if I think that Vancouverites aren't friendly, but I thought that the "lack of warmth" was due to the "big city" living/mentality. One letter to the editor suggested that we keep to ourselves because we are tired of being harassed by panhandlers. I wonder if that is really it...

Poverty of Spirit

I have been reading this novel, Among the Children, by David Adams Richards.I picked it up at a book store for cheap. It is set in New Brunswick, which is cool, because I am from the Atlantic region, and tells the story of a family through the eyes of the oldest son. I haven't finished it yet, but so far the content is intriguing. The son talks about when he realized what poverty was. There is poverty of physical wealth, and then there is poverty of spirit. Something deeper. It does not mean that the person is not functional, or gives up, but it seems to me that when one knows poverty and lives poverty, it permeates one's being.
In the story, there seems to be a sense of Self identified in the characters in that some believe they are better than certain others. The narrator shows that poverty on outer appearance is not necessarily reflective of the individual within. The father was targeted often by his community and blamed for the sins of others and yet he chose not to defend himself or to retaliate.

My colleague and I had a conversation yesterday about the misconceptions of poverty. We both live in Canada, but she had lived in Chicago as well. I commented that the book shows the gap between the upper class and the poor. Her comment was that there are some countries that like this, that have no middle class. She also pointed out that it is the working middle class that made this country (Canada) what it is. I think that poverty, inyourface poverty is not seen as much in Canada as in other countries. This is when we had a discussion about the working poor. The people who work for a living but have nothing to show for it.. Immigrants who come to this country to give a better life, or get a better life and end up working at McDonald's for minimum wage. Digging deeper into debt.
It is also easy to compare oneself to others. Often it is in the vein of "they have.. and I have not, I want that thing"... but I think it is harder to compare oneself the other way. To say that we are content with what we have, that it could be worse. People often want what they do not have and then wish they had something further when they do achieve the first thing....

Poverty of Spirit ... I haven't finished reading the book yet, but I will think more on this. I think it can a meaning on the physical plain as in "have not" and "give up", but maybe it means more... as in "blessed are the poor in Spirit"... an attitude towards the world and our place in it, not just from the physical plane, but the Spiritual world as well.