I think I need to subscribe to a new paper, or perhaps it was a fluke. On the day that I left for my vacation, I picked up a copy of the National Post and it was full of articles related to faith and spirituality. The headlining story was about Mother Teresa. Apparently her letters were not destroyed (contrary to her last requests) and are now available in a recently published book, Mother Teresa: Come be My Light. The letters reflect her spiritual walk and show that she doubted her faith on a regular basis and often felt grief and guilt that she did not "feel" the presence of God as she thought she should. Some people are shocked by this "revelation" -- that the woman revered for her work and devotion to the poor should question her faith and place with God. She was seen as a saint even before her death, hence this revelation casts her in a different light and some people have reacted with outrage that these letters were not destroyed as she asked her followers to do. My thinking on this is not one of shock or disappointment, but rather one of curiosity. The image that she had.. the saintly portrait painted to the world, was not by her choice. She sought to follow her God and to to serve His people. The fact that she spent the majority of her life's work with the poorest of India and yet felt some disconnect from her God is not a loss. The letters show that she tried despite her personal struggle. This is what I understand a relationship with God to be. Searching to be closer to God regardless of one's interior relationship with self, this is what spiritual journey is. Seeking God regardless of the ills one is facing (real or perceived) is what spiritual growth is. Often we feel comfortable with our faith and perhaps get lazy, stopping where we are. Other things in life occur, negative events, illness and other hardships and some people are led to turn from God and walk away from their religion and sometimes their faith. Mother Teresa's letters are an example of persistance even when one does not know the outcome, when one may not feel the inner growth on a conscious level or ever....
This is the journey of faith and hope. And those who minister either in office or otherwise (as I believe we are all called to service in some form-- big or small) may never really see results from their service, but continue in the hope that in that some small way we have contributed to the service of God and His people. Results may never be seen by us, but they will be seen by God.

Is it okay to be angry with God?

Is it wrong to be mad at God? Have you ever been mad at God? From time to time, I meet people who have had bad experiences with their religious traditions, varying degrees of understanding about God, faith and all of it. Recently, I went to meet a woman on one of my units. After introducing myself and stating my role on the team, she began the interrogation about "who are you with", meaning what tradition did I represent. Was I a student or intern?
[This line of questioning is not new for me. People often want to know what I want, who I'm with,.. define me so they can put in "the box" and determine what/whether they want to talk to me. I get a lot of responses to my introduction. "I'm not religious" to which I usually reply "I'm not either". I usually get a funny look at this point, and then I proceed to explain my understanding of religion vs. spirituality.]
So I tell her I am not a student, that I work here. I'm part of the team.
She says " Well I ask because I am the Reverend (not real name) Jane MacDonald of the ________ Church of Canada."
This surprised me, and I said...ooooh. (I know what you want now.) I'm Reverend Kathryn _______ with the BUWC. " And here we launched in an interesting discussion about ministry and some of the similar issues that we faced as women in ministry. She was in hospital with a significant illness and after talking with me for a while, told me that she was angry with God for the way her life seemed to be going. I was a little surprised when she told me this, as she seemed to be upbeat when talking about her ministry life.

Often when I meet patients who are "angry with God", I do not always know how far our relationship will progress. A lot of people that I meet in my work have major illness, not just one issue, but it is cumulative, meaning there are numerous issues occuring simultaneously or I meet them after they have faced a sucession of progressive health issues. Some are elderly and after their recent admission, it may be determined that they are not deemed safe to return their home where they were once independant and thriving.

So is it okay to be mad at God? Of course it is not a feeling we like, to be angry. But my response is that it is sometimes necessary and healthy to express our discontent, or angry, to God. He can take it. If you read the Psalms, you will see various examples of David's discontent expressed to God. Job was perplexed at his situation, and Jonah was ticked at God for sending him to Nenevah. This story tells us that even after Jonah was expelled from the whale's belly and on dry land, he still sulked outside of the city.
So yes, it is "okay" to be mad at God, but it is my hope and prayer that when that happens that it doesn't last too long.

So, this minister lady tells me a few visits later that my presence has "tinkled her ivories" (use of piano analogy was hers). She said just the fact that I showed up got her thinking about her relationship with God and she has begun the journey of reconciliation with God. Why she was mad isn't really the issue at the moment, but seeing if she can forgive the situation to renew her life with God. I find that when people are mad at God, it is usually related to an illness or death. Something they did not expect to happen. I suppose this is based on an idea that God causes suffering at a sort. Sometimes the anger is directed at God, but it is related to the actions or inactions of people. In particular, within the Christian experience, we are taught to love and care for all persons due to their association with or fact of being a part of God's creation. When humans fail, or when the church fails to minister to the needs of the individual, some times it is so bad that the injured party decides to leave the church and cuts themself off from anything related. I think that sometimes being angry at God is displaced, (not misplaced), as God is often associated with religion. A person may have a problem with structure or suffered a bad experience, and as such they associate that with God. So the anger is displaced.

So to repeat, it is not wrong to be angry with God. But keep talking to Him. When we have a fight with someone, say our spouse or friend, hanging on to anger, even if justified, hurts you more than it hurts the other person. The same thing applies to God. You and God are in a relationship. Not talking to him, holding on to the anger will hurt you more than it hurts Him. I find that anger looses its grip or doesn't seem so intense after a time, but unfortunately a relationship (with humans) is often too far damaged to repair as people move on. The other thing to note about anger is that even when it feels weak, it can actually change shape and hold us at a deeper level, known as bitterness. This was described to me in a psychology class as floating on the water. The longer we hang on to anger, it starts to sink, and then it is ingrained/embedded deeper becoming bitterness. Bitterness is harder to work through than anger.

Okay that's my thoughts for this week.

Looking for the Divine... wherever we can

A smudge of driveway sealant resembling Jesus Christ's face on the garage floor of Deb Serio's home in Forest, Va., shown Wednesday, Aug. 8, 2007, has fetched more than $1,500 for the family that found the holy image on its garage floor. The Serio family put the slab of concrete up for auction on eBay more than a week ago. Wednesday, they got a taker at $1,525.69. (AP Photo/News & Daily Advance, Jill Nance)

I should call this entry.. people are weird. I don't see it. I don't know why people have venerated objects that seem to have the likeness of someone... the Mother Teresa bagel, the Elvis potato chip, etc. Over the years, we have heard various reports of images of famous people, but more specific it is images of the Holy. Jesus seen in walls, drapery, Mary, the mother of Christ.. statues weeping.. okay the statues weeping is different, but my point is that people/society have been searching for the Holy or Divine Presence of God among us for eons. The irony is, about this particular piece of pavement, is that it is thought to look like our popular artistic rendition of Christ. We don't know what Christ, the historical man looked like, hence the veneration of this as a relic?

Not sure what to think, but I sometimes wonder if we aren't misguided in our search for God. People are obsessed with tangible evidence of God. The search for the Ark of the Covenant, the Holy Grail, the Shroud of Turin.. all of these are items that we can try to hold or capture God with, but forgetting the other tangible evidence of God with us...

What is wrong with people???

The following was in the paper today. I am appalled that this would occur in a church of all places. I guess this goes to show that people do not understand the concept of "sacred". I realize that the "church" or place of worship is not limited to the building. But the purpose of the "worship space" is that it is designated as a holy, or sacred place, and the acts of worship is meant to connote and provide a place for people to commune with the holy. If we can't even feel safe in our church, where can we be safe?

The second point that this incident brings up is the concept of helping people who are in need. There are many people who genuinely need help (money, food, clothing, place to live) and there are those who wish to help. Once again, this incident brings up evidence that we cannot help everyone who asks for assistance. Some people don't really want the "help" that it dispensed. .. I will end my comments for now as this likely opens another can of worms from friends with whom I have had this conversation with over the years. It is just disheartening to hear of this incident. While I am glad that the perpetrator was caught, I am led wonder at how/if he will get help.

Elderly man assaulted in church by panhandler

The 79-year-old victim offered his attacker money when confronted

Linda Nguyen

Vancouver Sun

Friday, August 03, 2007

Vancouver police are seeking a violent panhandler caught on a surveillance camera assaulting an elderly parishioner who had offered him money inside downtown's Holy Rosary Cathedral.

The 79-year-old man was robbed Wednesday morning in what police called a "heartless and shocking" attack inside the Richards Street church.

Very Rev. Glenn Dion said Peter Collins has been a church parishioner for at least 30 years. A retired doctor, he lives nearby, walks to morning mass every day, and sometimes also goes to afternoon service.

"He's an elderly gentleman, really frail in his physical health and stamina," Dion said. "He's always here saying his prayers and being kindly to people. Everyone knows and recognizes him."

The grainy black-and-white surveillance images show Collins holding out a bill to a panhandler inside the church vestibule around 7:30 a.m. The panhandler makes a grab for the man's wallet, then picks him up and throws him to the floor. While Collins is on the floor, the panhandler takes money from the wallet and flees, leaving the wallet behind.

"This is a particularly cowardly act, not just on a senior citizen but on a senior citizen who offered him [the panhandler] some money," Vancouver police Const. Howard Chow said Thursday. "And this all took place inside the sanctuary of a church."

Chow said Collins had given the panhandler $5 before the morning service every day for the past four days. On Wednesday, he was running late and promised to give him some money after the service.

That's when Collins -- alone with the panhandler inside the church -- was confronted and attacked. Dion called 911 after Collins went to the church's office for help. He said Collins has memory lapses due to his age, but was very clear about what had happened.

By the time the police and ambulance arrived, Collins insisted he only had "minor tissue damage" and refused to be taken to hospital, Dion said. Instead, he borrowed a cane and walked home.

Later that day, he walked back to the church and returned it "because he didn't want to be seen with a cane anymore."

Despite some hip injuries, Collins went to morning mass on Thursday, a church official said.

Dion said panhandlers are a growing problem for his downtown parish.

"Some of them are pretty aggressive, pretty well insistent. They frighten people," he said. "It's a big problem."

Holy Rosary isn't the only church that has had problems with panhandlers. In June, the congregation of First United Church at Gore and East Hastings in the Downtown Eastside was disbanded after 122 years of worship. The congregation had been dwindling because people were intimidated by a growing nearby homeless population.

Dion said his church struggles to deal with the homeless every day and regularly calls police for help dealing with them. "It's one of the challenges of running a downtown parish," Dion said.

"We have people coming in here and they're in another world, they're either doped up or drunk up or else have psychological impairment and they do crazy things in the church."

The church installed four surveillance cameras, he said, "to be able to see in the office if there's any nonsense going on and if there is, we have to run out there and jump at it. We have to deal with whatever we have to. In this case, we were able to see the actual assault [after it had] taken place."

He said church staff regularly deal with people disrupting services, sleeping between the pews and have even encountered naked people in the church.

Some churchgoers have been intimidated from attending service after panhandlers made threatening comments about their cars when they refused to give money.

Lorne Mayencourt, the MLA for Vancouver-Burrard, who put forward two acts -- now passed -- targeting aggressive panhandling, said Thursday he's already received two phone calls from seniors who fear this particular panhandler.

"You think a church is a sanctuary for seniors but I've had two people call and say that this guy scares them and they don't even want to be walking around alone."

Vancouver police say the panhandler is well-known around the church. A few years ago, he kicked a church maintenance worker. "Our investigators are upset about this," Chow said. "We want to try to identify this guy before he does something like this again."

Professional panhandler' in custody

Darcy Jones faces one count of robbery

The Province

Friday, August 03, 2007

Vancouver police have made an arrest in the attack and robbery of an elderly man as he left Vancouver's Holy Rosary Cathedral Wednesday morning.

Darcy Lance Jones, 43, is facing a charge of robbery, and remains in police custody.

Jones was nabbed by police at the corner of Pender and Richards after he was spotted by a loss-prevention officer from the Downtown Vancouver Business Improvement Association.

He is known to police and familiar to many in the area, and calls himself a "professional panhandler."

Witnesses to the attack say a bearded man who regularly panhandles outside the church attacked the longtime parishioner in what police called a "heartless and shocking" assault.

The attack, caught on surveillance video, shows the victim being knocked to the ground before the suspect takes off with the contents of his wallet.

The 79-year-old victim had given the panhandler $5 every day that week, but when he tried to give him the money on this occasion he was assaulted instead.

Vancouver police spokesman Const. Howard Chow said his advice to people confronted by an aggressive panhandler is to remain polite, but walk away and phone police.

He said although the number of panhandlers appears to be down, police still receive a lot of complaints from store owners and the public.

Chow noted it was a challenge to deal with some of the more aggressive ones because they often "have mental health issues or are drug addicted."

The victim of the attack injured his hip but is expected to be OK. Global News showed footage of the retired doctor returning to church for mass Friday morning.

He has been reluctant to talk to the media about the incident.

And then it .. disappeared..

So, for those of you who are "regular" readers, you are probably wondering what happened... where did this blog go for the past 2 weeks? Why was it offline? Well it's not a bad thing... just made me think.

A couple of weeks ago, I received an email asking if I would consent to an interview about chaplains who blog. The person was writing an article about chaplains and their use of technology, such as electronic charting. So they wanted to include me as I am Canadian and this would be for the American Association. So I thought about it and asked my boss what she thought of it. Her response was that she didn't think I should do the interview, nor should I be blogging. The concern was that some of the things I mention about my work might be misinterpreted by someone as being about them or friend or whatever, and we might get sued. Why is it that the world is SO concerned about suing? I mean that we should be concerned/aware of our actions, but why is our society having this mindset in the first place? If something isn't working, we throw it out. If a relationship is going south, we can just get a divorce. If we don't like our job, we get quit and get a new one. What ever happened to working it out? Persistence?

Any how, sorry for the mini rant.. but that is part of why/where I have been for the past two weeks.. I decided to edit the blog and remove the unnecessary stuff. Some of the early writings about the wedding, etc are still in there, but most of this is tailored for the "spiritual care" aspect... so ta for now until I think of something else to write.