Sunday, March 12, 2006

Sometimes things don't go as planned...

Yesterday was a good day. I went to breakfast with a friend. Had a good talk as we hadn't seen each other in a while. Then I finally ordered my invitations for my August wedding. Oh my... They were more than I thought they would be because it was an American company. Like $100 more. But it is done. I just have to make one minor change to what I wrote and then we get them.
We also finished our wedding registry. I had to explain to my honey the difference between a comforter and a duvet. We just had to pick a duvet and add pillows and we were done last night. Yippee. Sometimes my super-annoying organizational skills are a good thing. We are so done of the major stuff. I have the church, hall, Dress!!, photographer, flowers, and wedding party all picked. All this within the first four weeks of our engagement. We are getting married in 5 months!! Sometimes I think I am crazy to do this. I mean, I don't think that we really are ready for something as we think we are. Marriage and all it entails. One possible rationale for numerous divorces in this day and age.
But also sometimes when we think we are prepared for something, when it really occurs, we still are amazed at our reaction. This applies to death/grief as well. Grief is experienced as a result of any significant loss you know. Not just death. When we move, or face a significant change. Job loss, family structure change, marriage, births, loss of independence/mobility/identity, all of these things can be grief-related. When I first moved here to Vancouver from Prince Edward Island, I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I got majorly depressed. I felt claustrophobic. (I had lived in big cities like Winnipeg, and was used to tall buildings, but here in Vancouver, they are so close together -- I felt like I couldn't breathe.) For the first 4-6 months, I felt like packing up everyday and leaving this place. But what was I going to go home to? I came here to "start" my life after spending 12 years training for this career. It wasn't until much later, that I realized I was having a grief reaction. Ironic, considering grief/dementia/end-of-life issues are kind of my specialty areas. I realized that I had left everything I had ever known to come here -- to a new city where I knew no one, new cultural factors, new city, new job... no wonder I thought I was going crazy.
My initial plan was to only be here for 2 years and then leave. That would be long enough to get ordained (year 1) and get my specialist certification (year 2). Then I was going to move to Ontario. Not that I like Ontario, but it is closer to the East Coast where my family lives (PEI, NS). But it looks like I'm staying here, as I am getting married here. That and the urgency to move back has lessened now when my dad died last April. I always said I would not be a long-distance relative, such as my sister and I grew up with, but that is exactly what I am. My nieces are on the other end of the country .. and I am here. I do travel there a lot though. And everyone of them (my family of 5) will be here for my August wedding.

Sometimes, things don't go as planned. But sometimes, that's a good thing.

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