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When I was at the latest CAPPE conference, I ran into one of my college buddies. She is the co-editor of the book, Spiritual caregiving in the hospital. Windows to chaplaincy ministry.
I have been reading it on and off since my return last month. The book is a compilation of essays from those practicing in the field of Spiritual Care. The authors are from Canada and the U.S. I am currently reading an essay about spiritual caregiving to terminally ill people. There is a quote from Robert McFarlane's book, Now That I Have Cancer...I Am Whole: Meditations for Cancer Patients and Those Who Love Them.

A scrawny, hairless man. Those formerly marvelous, marathoning muscles just hang on bones of unproductive and depleted marrow. The bright blue eyes are bloodshot. They peak out through tiny slits where my eyelids have glued themselves to each other. This skinny man is bent over, divided by an angry, red scar that looks like an N-gauge model railroad track .. My lips are red and puffy, like a sad circus clown. That’s the view through the eyes of reality.

Then there are the eyes of love. My wife sighs, “Every time I look at you, I fall in love all over again.” My daughters say, “Remember what good times we had when we were little girls and you lay down on the sofa after supper and we’d sit on the back of it and roll you off with our feet? You are the best dad ever.” My teammates call to say, “Hurry back. Nobody else has the reflexes to play third base as close to the batter as you do.” A now grown man tells me, “You have no idea how important you are to all of us on the campus in the sixties. You made us believe we could make a difference.” God says, “I love you just the way you are.” Those aren’t the eyes of reality; those are the eyes of love. They see me as I want to be and yet, for them, already am. Now that I have cancer, I can see myself through their eyes. I like seeing me through the eyes of love.” (p. 11-12)

Sometimes it is hard to see with the "eyes of love". Sometimes it is hard to be seen with the eyes of love and understand/appreciate what it really is. I think that it is especially important to remember that we are loved for who are, and who we can be... through love, because of love.

Can't Afford to Die

Lately there's an increasing number of people who tell us that they cannot afford the death of their loved one. So lately, there have been "mini services" at the hospital for the person and then they are taken to the funeral home for cremation, and/or burial. Then there are other issues related to death.

Once again this relates to a "morgue viewing". The family had arranged for a viewing of their loved one here at the hospital as many were from out of town. My colleagues were facilitating this process. This morning, the phone rang and my co-worker turns to me and laughs in disbelief.

"We have a viewing this morning, but no body."

"I'm sorry? What? No body?"

" Yeh, the funeral home picked it up last night."

"Oh man. and you have a viewing today?"
"Yes and a service."

"A service? In the viewing room."

"Well yes. They can't afford to use the funeral home, so they asked us to do a service here. Just the family I guess."

(In the end, the funeral home was called and the body was returned so that the family could have the viewing here.)

Normally, we advise people to wait for a viewing at the funeral home instead of the hospital, as the funeral services will do their hair, makeup, etc and the person will look less pale, etc. But this is getting to be an issue more frequently. Funerals cost a lot of money. I remember a tour of a funeral home in Nova Scotia, during the years of my seminary training. The room with caskets mounted on the wall was quite small. Big enough for a single file line to pass. The urns were pretty, but then I saw a price tag. $4895!! For the "vase", you're kidding me. The price, of course, referred to the services that go with the cremation. The cost for the chapel, for the personnel, the limo, the caterer, the newspaper notice and the list goes on and on. Extra expenses seem to come up. Maybe that is a part of why I told my mother when I was 13 or 14, that I wanted to be cremated. or put in a pine box. Too much expense for the "wood" of the casket, (or steel or whatever) and the satin lining, and tombstone, etc.

Of course this leads to a different issue as well. What people think about the dying process? What do we believe about life after death? what happens to us when we die? How do we relate to the person that once was, but now is a lifeless body? What do we think about the soul? In the end, the question about the relation of soul and body determine one's approach to a funeral I think. We want to honor the person, and need to say our goodbyes. The body being the way that we have related to the individual while they were living, is the final way that we relate to them even in their death. But we also know that this is a "shell", the container for the soul/spirit of the person that we knew. They are no longer with us physically and so we try to transition to a new/different way of relating to them, as we are no longer able to converse face-to-face.

Joke of the day

Well, it's not really a joke "joke". This morning in rounds, one of the staff told us about the priest who is a patient on one of our wards. He is awaiting a procedure and has been put on restricted intake. He was told he would have a "light" breakfast. When the staff member opened the tray, there was only 2 juice cups. The priest saw this and said.. well, I guess they really did mean "light". When I heard this, I replyed that had I been there I probably would have responded with "well, it is lent. Aren't you fasting?"

Most people thought this was funny. Fasting is not a practice that I could/would partake. The point of fasting is to abstain from too much. You would take in only what you need to survive. Lent is a time when we prepare our minds, soul, and body for the coming of Easter by denying ourselves certain items that give us pleasure. Often food, hence fasting. I read a book where the author describes her obsession with books. Lives, sleeps on books, literally. So she was challenged to give up reading books for Lent, and to this day, she claims that she continues this practice for every Lent.

Scenes from the office.. well, in my life maybe if not my office