Art Show: Images of Hope

One of my colleagues is a painter. Today he had a showing of his paintings. The theme was "Images of Hope".




One woman who stopped told me that this was just what she needed today, as she was feeling down in the morning. Likely the weather,

About Heavens

Here is a video to watch .. art show.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IFgwyoGjTyc

Poetry

I found a new poetry book. Bartlett's Poems for Occasions William Butler Yeats. b. 1865

863. When You are Old

WHEN you are old and gray and full of sleep
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;
How many loved your moments of glad grace,	5
And loved your beauty with love false or true;
But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face.
And bending down beside the glowing bars,
Murmur, a little sadly, how love fled	10
And paced upon the mountains overhead,
And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.

Robert Frost (1874–1963). Mountain Interval. 1920.

3. An Old Man’s Winter Night

ALL out of doors looked darkly in at him
Through the thin frost, almost in separate stars,
That gathers on the pane in empty rooms.
What kept his eyes from giving back the gaze
Was the lamp tilted near them in his hand.	5
What kept him from remembering what it was
That brought him to that creaking room was age.
He stood with barrels round him—at a loss.
And having scared the cellar under him
In clomping there, he scared it once again	10
In clomping off;—and scared the outer night,
Which has its sounds, familiar, like the roar
Of trees and crack of branches, common things,
But nothing so like beating on a box.
A light he was to no one but himself	15
Where now he sat, concerned with he knew what,
A quiet light, and then not even that.
He consigned to the moon, such as she was,
So late-arising, to the broken moon
As better than the sun in any case	20
For such a charge, his snow upon the roof,
His icicles along the wall to keep;
And slept. The log that shifted with a jolt
Once in the stove, disturbed him and he shifted,
And eased his heavy breathing, but still slept.	25
One aged man—one man—can’t fill a house,
A farm, a countryside, or if he can,
It’s thus he does it of a winter night.

http://www.canadianmennonite.org/vol12-2008/12-22/feature.php#article1

Lessons from the "Other side of the Bed"

Over the past few weeks, I have learned what it is like to be IN the hospital bed, versus being caregiver to people in the hospital bed. I wasn't admitted, but I did spend a lot of time in ER, as an outpatient. The waiting is hard.

My husband is not good with the hospital experience -- people in the beds next to you , moaning and groaning, calling out for attention... being forced to wait for ... whatever. He coined it "hurry up and wait". The doctors did not like some of the test results I have had, and then call me up after I have just been there for 8 hours at work and then ask if it's too much of an inconvenience to come in so that they could see me. So I fed my husband supper and we went to the hospital yet again. Then we waited ... for an hour. Then a grumpy nurse took my vitals. Then another hour. A doctor finally showed up. Told me stuff that I didn't like. Told me to wait some more. Then sent me home at 1 in the morning telling me to go for more tests.

Then I was woken up first thing in the morning by a doctor on the phone telling me to come today. "Aren't you working anyhow? " (After getting home at 1 in the morning, I was sleeping. So no, I was not going to work. How was I expected to function and provide comfort and pastoral care to others when I needed some pastoral care myself?) So I went back in, they told me what the treatment plan is. And I agreed to do it. Even if it is just to get ALL of this over with.

Waiting for "whatever it is"... is hard. Being told things about your health that you don't want to hear is hard. Worrying about the worst case scenario is hard. What is worse? Knowing.. or not knowing. This is one of the lessons that I have learned about being a patient, versus caring for patients.

While waiting in various waiting areas of the hospital, it is interesting to see the types of cases that came in. People brought out in by ambulance drivers, head injuries, bleeding, people wanting pain control, homeless people, elderly, teenagers... all types of people with different cases trying to get help for whatever it is that ails them. Some get help in a timely manner, while others seem to sit and wait a long time. Based on what I saw, my issue was minor and while I hate being a patient and feared being admitted to my own hospital, I sure didn't want to be in the shoes of those I saw in the waiting room either.

Waiting... why is it so hard to do?

But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew [their] strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; [and] they shall walk, and not faint.

This is what I remember when I think of "waiting". I remember a sermon that I preached about this passage, with the main theme being that there is a difference between waiting for something, and waiting on the LORD. It is hard to wait for something, especially when you don't know what you are waiting for, or when you have no definitive date.

This week, I have learned the lesson of waiting, but unlike my patients I have been waiting at home. Not in a hospital. I still have some freedom to eat what I like, to sleep in my own bed, to go to the store should I need/want to, spend time with my husband.

I don't know that I'm going to like what I'm told when the waiting is done, but I will be glad that the wait is over and I can continue with my life.


Waiting is hard. Especially when you don't know what you are waiting for. Something, ANY thing, movement would be good. That is something my patients tell me. You don't like where you are and hope that when the time comes that what you have been waiting for will improve your life, instead of alter it drastically. I just hope that I have learned something good from all this waiting, that will benefit my time with my patients later.

Death of a Dream

Dreams are the things that hopes are made of .. or is it hope is the thing that dreams are made of. Either way, when a dream dies, it is hard to deal with that reality. Sometimes our dreams are the things that we used as a guideline, a goal that we were shooting for. Sometimes our dreams are unrealistic and hence unrealized..

When a person realizes that the dream that they sought and had put so much into is gone.. it is hard to get over.

Dreams are funny things. Some of them are attainable, but not meant for this time or place in our lives, while others die so that new ones can surface. And still others should never be....

Dreams encapulate our hopes. Hope is a good thing. It helps us to look to the future and focus on what we want out of life. It gives us a positive view of the world and the things that are in it.. but hope is also aware that not everything is rosy.. that not everything is perfect. No .. hope does not deny the evil the world, but works to move us beyond it. There is a quote that I have found about this.. I will have to add it later.

Still it is hard to move when we realize the death of a dream for whatever reason it dies. It is then our task to figure out how to move on, and find the dream/hope that best fits the place where we are.

Charity .. what is it really?

char⋅i⋅ty

  –noun, plural -ties.

1.	generous actions or donations to aid the poor, ill, or helpless: to devote one's life to charity.

2.	something given to a person or persons in need; alms: She asked for work, not charity.

3.	a charitable act or work.

4.	a charitable fund, foundation, or institution: He left his estate to a charity.

5.	benevolent feeling, esp. toward those in need or in disfavor: She looked so poor that we fed her out of charity.

6.	leniency in judging others; forbearance: She was inclined to view our selfish behavior with charity.

7.	Christian love; agape.

"charity." The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Houghton Mifflin Company, 2004. 26 Oct. 2008. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/charity>.


For a month, I was helping with a project at work. Twice a year at work, our organization distributes food and clothing to the needy population of town. We request that people bring us seasonal clothes, toiletries, new socks, new underwear, blankets and shoes. This fall, we were collecting items for the cold weather.

I am amazed that people would give us their old, USED underwear, USED socks, and summery clothes. Most of the items, such as the used items, went in the garbage, while the summery things were boxed up for the next clothing drive, usually for April.
What are people thinking? They give us DIRTY, STAINED clothes, because they are either too lazy to throw them out or too lazy to wash them.

This is the second year I have helped with this effort. This year we had 4 categories of clothes; 1. garbage (not applicable or suitable for ANYthing), 2. the thrift store (our organization has a thrift store now. Some people were giving purses, high heel shoes, sequined tops,. good for someone but not for this particular project). 3. Project: what we were really looking for, 4. Clothing Depot: in one of our sites, we have a clothing depot where staff look for items for patients. These items are meant for patients who need something to go home in. Doesn't have to look like a total smart outfit, but it has to be functional and fit. Often patients come in with the clothes on their back, which must get cut off of them or thrown out, or the person has swelling and is not able to fit their shoes, pants, etc that they came in with.

I know that one man's junk is another man treasure. But charity is about giving to those in need and giving out of love and caring. Some of these acts seem to say that they don't care, the person just wanted to dump their closet contents. Since these people are in need, they'll be happy with anything. What about dignity people? What about tact? We are taught in our Holy writings to share with the poor and to give of the heart. Some of these acts, while well meaning, don't seem to show that people think with their heart or their head.

Memorable but oh so wrong..

I never want this to happen at any wedding I officiate...

Worst Best Man Ever @ Yahoo! Video

Notice, BOTH the bride and the minister end up getting hit!!

A Psalm for what has been Lost

One day at work, we were asked to write our own psalm. The following is about dementia and based on Psalms 30, " Joy comes in the morning" and a line from Anne of Green Gables, "Tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it.”

A Psalm for What has been Lost.

Cry to the LORD for what has been lost
I cry to the earth in the sweet dew of morning
Fresh and new I see
Erased are the errors of yesterday
Erased are the mistakes and pain of yesterday
Starting new and fresh each day – full of hope,
Anxious to see what this day shall bring.

I cry to the LORD for what has been lost
Gone are the times of innocence and play.
Gone is my childhood.
Gone is my heart full of naivety
Gone is the security of his loving arms.

But fresh are the memories … the memories… do they stay?

Gone are the memories of yesterday – the joy of gatherings, the security of loving space.
Gone is the ability to recall the past, full of joy, full of life & light
Gone is the life with the man I once knew.

Fresh each morning I start the day
Gone are the faces I once loved and trusted

Fresh each morning are the hopes and fears – fears of knowing there is something I have forgotten, fear of remembering …
only to loose it the moment that it comes.

I cry to the Earth for the memories given through sight, smell and sound.
I know I have been here before.

I cry to the LORD for that which has been lost, …
Am loosing…
Is going…

Fresh each morning I start the day.
Gone is my pain, my trials, my memories…
Gone is the fear of knowing what is to come.

Now is the Strength that I have from You.

Fresh comes the morning, fresh comes the fear of what is to come .. but only for a moment.. It is death. She waits…

Fading memories bring times of anguish and frustration
The word that is gone from my tongue… I knew it once.
The face that I see.. the name that is lost deep in my heart.

I cry to the LORD for that which is lost
I hope for the morning – fresh each day is the hope.
LORD be with me I pray.

Of all the things that I have lost,
Your presence remains.

Helping people who don't really want help

This will likely be perceived as a rant. It is more of a comment about some of the people I have met in the course of my work. (Mind you if I think about it, I am probably thought of the same way by the diet centre that I go to.)

Lately, I have been frustrated by people who say they want your help. They say "I need A". You say, I can't give you A exactly, but I can give you "a". They say no, I want it this way.

or.. They say I need help. We (medical team) tell them to improve health do this. They say ok!! and don't do it. And then later say that we didn't do anything to help them. It seems that there are 2 issues here with this.

1. A saying that is taken from my years of Psychology training, "You can't help people unless they want to be helped." You can't "fix" anyone, or assist people in self-improvement unless they are willing to change.

2. Some people want to change, but find it difficult to do the work. (Me as example with diet centre. It IS too hard. I know what I have to do and I want to, but the choices get boring. and I don't really have time to plan ahead... excuses excuses.) So some people want the "instant coffee" or "fast food" result. This means they say "this is my order" and it's given to them. Someone else does the work. And then they eat the junk food and wonder why things aren't working the way that they thought.

I empathize both of these types of people. Mostly the 2nd. It IS hard to change. It is hard to be sick and to feel like doing work when we are sick, physically or emotionally, or otherwise. It is hard to maintain the determination that is needed to get the results that we desire. And in some cases, try as we might we have to accept the fact that for all the effort we put in, things will not or CAN not go back to how it was. Life has changed in either the circumstances, or we have been changed in the process. We aren't the people we were when we started this journey and in some cases, thank God for that. Hopefully we are better people for it.

There are those who try and try to improve themselves, their emotional, intellectual or physical status, but in some area or another are hit time and time again with the difficulties of life, be it illness, (multiple factors), financial or just life's circumstances.

Still there are those who are stuck and want to get out of the hole, but aren't able to find the energy or the ability to get out of it. Then there are those who want to stay in the hole while thinking they are entitled to more, but not wishing to earn things.

It is difficult to discern who is which person, and to see the blind spot in our lives. It is also difficult to point this out to others. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, to make someone angry at something that isn't my fault even though I am just telling the truth... shoot the messenger syndrome. I hate it, and I try to avoid it when possible.

These people are my clients, friends or associates, either way, it is hard to see this happen and feel powerless to "help" those who say they want it.

Dark Night of the Soul -- one comment

This is the Song "Dark Side of the Soul" adapted for music by Loreena McKennitt from the poem "Dark Night of the Soul" by John of the Cross.



Upon a darkened night
The flame of love was burning in my breast
And by a lantern bright
I fled my house while all in quiet rest

Shrouded by the night
And by the secret stair I quickly fled
The veil concealed my eyes
While all within lay quiet as the dead.

(Chorus)

O, night thou was my guide!
O, night more loving than the rising sun!
O, night that joined the Lover to the beloved one!
Transforming each of them into the other.

Upon that misty night
In secrecy beyond such mortal sight
Without a guide or light
Than that which burned as deeply in my heart.

That fire 'twas led me on
And shone more bright than of the midday sun
To where He waited still
It was a place where no one else could come.

(Chorus)

Within my pounding heart
Which kept itself entirely for Him
He fell into His sleep
beneath the cedars all my love I gave.

From o'er the fortress walls
The wind would brush His hair against His brow
And with its smoother hand
caressed my every sense it would allow.

(Chorus)

I lost my self to Him
And laid my face upon my Lover's breast
And care and grief grew dim
As in the morning's mist became the light.
There they dimmed amongst the lilies fair.
*Arranged and adapted by Loreena McKennitt, 1993

The poem by John of the Cross was written in the mid 1500's. It describes the journey of the soul returning to God. It talks about the difficulties of the journey to separate from this world to focus on union with the Creator. The main idea is that life, and the spiritual life, is a journey with hardships along the way, but that we grow and gain maturity and insight from our times of struggle and despair as well as the times of success and joy. The poem's author later wrote a book/commentary of the same name detailing the interpretation of the poem verse by verse.

My understanding of the term "Dark night of the soul" is that is the the time of darkness when we, or our souls, feel cut off from God, in our spiritual life. It is when we feel fartherest away from God or disconnected. Irony is that this is a part of the journey, painful though it be. Often this stage or experience can be understand or is described as depression. Spiritual depression, I think, is different from clinical depression. (Many people often neglect the idea of spiritual injury. But it is real.) Native peoples, also called First Nations, understand the spiritual world and hence understand there is a connection between physical and spiritual injury. When I was visiting with an Aboriginal woman a few years ago, she explained to me the belief that there are often spiritual symptoms of an illness. It was no surprise to me to be having that conversation, as there have been numerous studies discussing the mind/body connection. It was a refreshing to be having the conversation with a spiritual perspective. Initiated by someone else!!

I have often struggled with what I will call depression. It is not clinical depression, but more of a "down mood, or feeling down". It is brought on by different aspects of life; bad day, stress, various elements collide. It usually doesn't last, but it does affect my interaction with other people, and obviously my work. (as that is a large part of my job, to interact with other people. To meet them in the time and place where they are, not the other way around. Sometimes, to bring them into my world may not be a healthy thing for either of us...)

I have often been aware of the connection between spiritual life/journey, and my mood. It is interesting to note, but at times difficult to get through. Perhaps the depressions have to do with expectations about how "things should be". This afternoon, one of my colleagues commented on a newspaper article about a woman who started a business as a result of a family problem. Her daughter was an Olympic swimmer who had a hard time finding a suit to fit. After the Olympics were over, the mother and daughter formed a company that is now globally known. The comment was that "people have a messed idea of what being successful is. You don't need to be making millions to be successful." Our conversation then was a discussion of what success means. When one's goals are unattained, this frustrates us and causes stress. But the question is "is our goal realistic, or is our methodology faulty?" Maybe this is where the Dark Night of the Soul comes in. Maybe we have an unrealistic idea of what life is supposed to look like, what our life is supposed to be with God. Often when people suffer, they ask "why? Why God? Why me? What did I do to deserve this? Am I being punished?" and this often drives people away from God because they might not have a strong foundation or faith/understanding of God's plan/motivation for us. Perhaps we have an unrealistic expectation or picture of what life with God is supposed to look like. This might cause a Dark Night. Things aren't going the way that we think, and we get frustrated and depressed. Hopefully the darkness does not stay too long, hopefully we are strong enough to continue the journey. Not to abandon the spiritual path to a deeper understanding of God. Still thinking on this subject.

Nouwen and the Birds...

Excerpt from "Seeds of Hope: A Nouwen Reader". Chapter entitled "Celebrating Humanness"


the Birds and I Genesse Abbey, June 13, 1974

This morning, Father John explained to me that the killdeer is a bird that fools you by simulating injury to pull attention away from her eggs which she lays openly on a sandy place. Beautiful! Neurosis as a weapon! How often I have asked pity for an unreal problem in order to pull people's attention away from what I didn't want them to see.

Sometimes it seems that every bird has institutionalized every one of my defense mechanisms. The cowbird lays her eggs in some other bird's nest to let them do the brooding job, the Baltimore oriole imitates the sound of more dangerous birds to keep the enemies away, and the redwing blackbird keeps screaming so loud over head that you get tired of her noise and soon leave the area that she considers hers. It does not take long to realize that I do all of that and a lot more to protect myself or to get my own will done. Genesse Diary

I find this to be an interesting commentary on people and the defense mechanisms we use. Often we want something done, but we aren't willing to do the work to get there. Or in the case of some patients I have met, they do not or are not able to take responsibility for their own actions. The illness is the result of someone or something else. That may be true, but in the meantime, this is where we are... let's work with that. Blaming someone else for our problems and trying to figure out why or how, sometimes this doesn't help us at all. We end up wallowing in our own misery and at times, this exasperates the situation (and the other people around who are trying to help.) I have a few patients who are "labelled" (for lack of a better word) as "non compliant". This means that they have come to our hospital saying "I need help. Please help me to fix this issue." But when told a treatment plan or when the "plan" doesn't fit their criteria, they don't follow the "prescription". They want help, but not in the way that we have to offer it. Very frustrating at times.

The complication is that often the non-compliance is a result of denial or non-acceptance of the situation that they are in. True. Some times we will wallow in our misery and pain. True, sometimes this is warranted. However in the case of a health issue, this may not be good. Rather time is not always afforded to allow the person to process at their speed.


This afternoon, I was talking to 2 family members of a "new" patient. *New to me* One I had met a few times before, and so we had a good rapport. They had worked in the health care field and hence had some understanding of the kind of issues that occur from non-compliance. The other person, I had only met this afternoon. They didn't come to the hospital very much as per the non-compliance being a large part of a relationship dynamic causing frustration and burnout for this individual. They mentioned that when the patient smartens up (my words) and gets a transplant then maybe they will stop whining about their problems and life will go back to the way it was. The health care knowledgeable family and I explained this person that getting a transplant is not like waving a magic wand. Instead, it is a means to living longer (temporarily) just as certain medications and treatments were. Kidney disease can be chronic, and when it is, it can be considered terminal at times. Freud said that from the moment we are born, we begin to die. This is a fact that we all must face, just some people must face it sooner. That can be a factor of the non-compliance. They aren't ready to consider death as a possibility. It would likely overwhelm and cause depression. "Why bother to live for today if I might die tomorrow?" But then we might all think that eh?

The birds and their "defense" mechanisms. Sometimes, people use these defense strategies so that people don't see the thing the birds are trying to hide. Sometime we people are the birds. We are trying to distract our fellow cronies from seeing the flaws, our perceived failures, and other times, we are trying to distract ourselves from seeing our own flaws and perceived failures. It is too overwhelming at times. Sometimes these "defense mechanisms" are warranted, but to persist too long can damage our emotional and spiritual health.

Magnetic Poetry

A few months ago, I bought a magnetic poetry kit for something silly in the office. I put a few of the words on the fridge in our staff room and added to it as time went on. Today I finished putting all of the words on there. This is what it looks like at present. Every so often I mess it up and people start all over. The person who wrote the "sometimes I wonder if there is a puppy in all this fluff" complained that the workds were limiting as his comment was "do you think that I wanted to ask if there was a puppy in fluff?"

Conversation in my staff/lunch room the other day

Male colleague addressing 3 of us in the lunch room.

"Why can't men wear shorts here at work?"

(Pause) No seemed to be saying anything and I was in a quirky mood.

Me: "Because some men have chicken legs and no one wants to see that."

Him: " But women wear skirts here."
Me: "Yes but they also tend to shave their legs." (Pause) "Mind you, there are some women who shouldn't wear short skirts either."

And then the conversation with the other 2 men present involved suggestions of wearing kilts... and I left it alone.

Headline #3 of the Day

Dad denied bereavement leave after baby's death

Gerry Bellett, Vancovuer Sun, Thursday July 3

ertz Canada Ltd. has failed to persuade the B.C. Human Rights Tribunal to dismiss a complaint by an employee who claims he was denied bereavement leave from his job at Vancouver International Airport to deal with the death of his prematurely born daughter.

The car rental company is also being sued by the employee, Ali Mahdi, for religious discrimination by deducting pay for the time he spends praying each day to practise his Muslim faith.

Hertz applied to have both complaints dismissed by the tribunal, but member Tonie Beharrell said the company didn't provide grounds to show why either complaint shouldn't be considered.

According to Mahdi, his wife gave birth to a baby girl at 21 weeks of gestation in March, 2007, but the baby died the same day.

When he asked for bereavement leave, he was told he was ineligible because the child was stillborn and would have had to live longer than 24 hours for him to receive a leave.

Beharrell said there was a dispute between the parties over whether the child was stillborn or had survived birth only to die later.

The company had argued that a stillborn child "is not a child for the purposes of bereavement leave," so Mahdi was not granted leave.

As for the claims of religious discrimination, Mahdi is required to pray five times a day at times that vary during the year and which sometimes require him to pray while at work.

While the parties disagreed about how much time Mahdi spends at prayer while at work, they agreed that the punch-clock indicates he takes four minutes a day.

Accordingly, the company has been deducting 20 minutes pay per week from Mahdi's wages.

The company claims it has accommodated his need to pray and that it would constitute undue hardship to have to pay him for time not spent working.

Mahdi argued that other employees absent from work for similar periods were not docked pay.

Beharrell ruled that the dispute would go before the tribunal to be settled.

I pointed this article out to a colleague. He and I agreed that grief is grief regardless of whether this was a still born or whether the baby lived a few hours before death. The end result is a loss for both the mother and father. Grief isn't always about physical death, but in this case it was also the death of a dream and the hopes and plans that these parents had. My colleague and I talked about the seeming injustice presented in the article in that the company refused to acknowledge this man's grief. Despite the fact that the child did not live long enough to form a bond with the parents, there was still a relationship that was lost. This is to be acknowledged.

This article also screams injustice at punishing a man for practicing his faith on "company time". All employees are entitled to breaks, paid or not.

More Headlines..

Academic freedom and assisted suicide

This instructor wants to witness assisted suicide for his research. A fight is brewing over his right to do that.

Douglas Todd, Vancouver Sun, Thursday, July 3, 2008

Canada's university professors are preparing to defend the right of a Metro Vancouver researcher to witness illegal assisted suicides in the name of increasing understanding of the right-to-die movement.

The Canadian Association of University Teachers (CAUT) has formed a high-level committee to investigate claims that Kwantlen Polytechnic University sociologist Russel Ogden was unjustly denied the chance to research new techniques for assisted suicide.

"In the face of it, it looks as if there has been a violation of academic freedom," James Turk, executive director of the CAUT, said Wednesday in an interview from Ottawa.

The CAUT has formed what Turk call a "blue-ribbon committee" to look into why the Kwantlen administration is effectively blocking Ogden from researching assisted suicides, even after the university-college's ethics committee approved his research three years ago.

For more than 14 years, Ogden has engaged in controversial and ground-breaking research into scores of underground assisted suicides (often known as "Nu Tech deathing") by people dealing with AIDS, cancer and other terminal illnesses.

Ogden has frequently run into opposition from university administrators who fear their institutions could wind up in trouble for allowing him to possibly skirt the edges of the law.

In 2003, Ogden was awarded $143,000 in damages after it was determined that Britain's Exeter University had illicitly backed out of an agreement to protect the identities of scores of people Ogden found had taken part in illegal assisted suicides.

More recently, Ogden has discovered that more than 19 British Columbians have committed suicide through an increasingly widespread technique known as "helium in a bag."

Helium is seen as a swift, highly lethal and painless way to die without involving physicians or drugs. Helium is also nearly undetectable in toxicological probes.

The latest confrontation over Ogden's pioneering research techniques has arisen at the same time that assisted suicide has become big news in Washington state. Former Democratic governor Booth Gardner, who struggles with Parkinson's disease, is campaigning for a November ballot initiative on doctor-assisted euthanasia, which will go ahead if state supporters gather 225,000 signatures by today.

However, the CAUT worries that Ogden is being blocked from continuing legitimate research into the right-to-die movement by Kwantlen officials.

Despite receiving earlier ethics board approval, Ogden has since been told by Kwantlen's administration he cannot "engage in any illegal activity, including attending at an assisted death," says a CAUT letter written by Turk, which was addressed to eight academics and administrators. A copy was obtained by The Vancouver Sun.

Neither Ogden nor Kwantlen officials were available for comment Wednesday.

The CAUT's Turk maintains that, although assisted suicide is illegal in Canada (unlike in the state of Oregon, as well as the countries of Switzerland, Belgium and the Netherlands), it is neither illegal to commit suicide nor against the law to witness an assisted death in this country.

"Witnessing an illegal act, such as a husband murdering his wife, is not illegal behaviour on your part," Turk said.

Therefore, Turk said, it would not be illegal for Ogden to witness an assisted suicide, since he would be neither discouraging nor encouraging it.

It's important, Turk said, for academic researchers to be given the freedom to try to "understand politically unpopular behaviour." Even while a Canwest poll last year showed three-quarters of Canadians approve of assisted suicide, compared to 48 per cent of Americans, Turk said researchers like Ogden are being held back by university administrators "who might think the [federal] government is going to get mad at them."

The high-level CAUT committee that will review Ogden's case and issue its findings in a few months includes Kevin Haggerty, a sociologist at the University of Alberta; John McLaren, professor emeritus of law at the University of Victoria; and Lorraine Weir, an English professor at the University of B.C.

dtodd@png.canwest.com

© The Vancouver Sun 2008

The subject of euthanasia or assisted suicide is rift with controversy. The two sides would basically be Side one: All life is sacred. No one has the right to take the life of another regardless of the situation. All life is worthwhile, no one but G_d can determine its end. (This is usually backed by theological argument such as 10 commandments such as "thou shalt not kill" and others.)

Side 2 looks at the "right to choose" and is related to the experience of suffering, and the definition of "quality of life". Watching someone who is ill, who has constant pain and is able to do little more than lie in bed, may be alive by the aid of machines -- the definition of "quality of life" is subjective to the individual's experience. I had seen both sides as part of my work in health care chaplaincy. I have seen the family called to the bedside and told that this would be it, only to see the miracle of the patient to rally and continue living months or years more. I have also seen patients who are able to do little more than lie in bed, dependent on painkillers and oxygen or a machine to survive. Working in renal, I have even had discussions with patients who decide to cease treatment for their kidney failure. Often they have told me that it is the pain, the decline in their health, and the cessation of their perceived quality of life. After making this decision, and going to 'comfort care only" (meaning pain control but no 'heroic measures such as CPR or tube feed') I have met with patients who continue to survive for days or weeks. Some have asked 'why can't I die? When will this end?' I once told a man that I didn't know. (Often patients 'declare themselves', meaning they stop being aware of the world and their systems start to shut down. The body doesn't need or take in food or drink, their responses cease, and they begin the process of detaching from the world as they start the journey towards death.) I told the man that perhaps he wasn't done yet, that there might be something he was still to accomplish. I asked him to consider if he had unfinished business, if he still had a lesson to learn, or perhaps that he was to teach us something. This was not something he had considered...

The choice to live or die... not an easy one to make.

In the same paper, I found an article decrying the choice to award an Order of Canada to Dr. Morgentaler. Dr. Henry Morgentaler is best known for performing abortions illegally.

"Morgentaler is known for almost single-handedly pushing abortion rights on to the national agenda when he opened an illegal abortion clinic in Montreal in 1969. At one point, he was jailed for 10 months when a lower court acquittal was overturned on appeal.

The issue culminated in a landmark ruling in January 1988, in which the Supreme Court struck down anti-abortion provisions of the Criminal Code on the grounds they violate a woman's constitutional right to "security of person." "Cassandra Drudi, Canwest News Service; With files from The Journal, National Post and Montreal Gazette Published: Wednesday, July 02

One side of the debate argues that giving him the order of Canada has been a long time in coming. He has fought for the rights of many women who had little or choice regarding unwanted pregnancies. The other side of the debate claims that he has chosen to act against morality, to "kill" or take a human life by aborting pregnancies.

It is easy to take sides when hearing a story. But it is difficult to know what we would want when it is our situation. I wonder how many people surprise themselves by chosing something that they swore they would never do. I remember when I used think more "black and white/right and wrong", in a box. People who smoked were bad, people who drank were bad, people who got divorced were wrong. In practicing theological reflection in my everyday work, I have changed some of my theology in the 17 years since I first started my theological training. I now think that divorce is not a "sin", but hope that it is the last resort. I would rather see 2 happy people apart, then 2 (or more as children and other family members are affected) unhappy people together. I would rather people learn to relate to one another and try to have dialogue rather than discriminate due to a difference of opinion about how to live, or what to think. I would rather see people who are able to respect the beliefs and customs of others, and in turn have their traditions respected and maybe enhanced due to the openness towards those things that are new, or "different" (i.e. weird, or not like us). I would rather see love, real love (not sexual but agape

In my work, it is my task as a chaplain to "come along side", to walk with the person in their journey as a support for them in their times of health and/or other difficulties. To remind them by my presence that God is present in the midst of their struggles and seeming chaos and that S/He does care. To do this, I provide a listening ear with no judgment about their choices. this is not always easy. I might personally think one thing, but do not express this to the person, as I do not know the life experiences and perspective that leads to this choice or stage of their living. The goal is to help them make choices that will honor the person that they are, to enhance their life experience, to meet the "person" that they are -- that God knows them to be. I really don't know until it is my situation and my story.

"The Debate"

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal: he'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave.The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise rabbi to represent them in the debate. However, as the rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Yiddish, they agreed that it would be a 'silent' debate.

On the chosen day the Pope and rabbi sat opposite each other.The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.The rabbi looked back and raised one finger.Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head.The rabbi pointed to the ground where he sat.The Pope brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine.The rabbi pulled out an apple.With that, the Pope stood up and declared himself beaten and said that the rabbi was too clever. The Jews could stay in Italy.

Later the cardinals met with the Pope and asked him what had happened.The Pope said, 'First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up a single finger to remind me there is still only one God common to both our beliefs. Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all around us. The rabbi responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us of all our sins, and the rabbi pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin. He bested me at every move and I could not continue.'

Meanwhile, the Jewish community gathered to ask the rabbi how he'd won.
'I haven't a clue,' said the rabbi. 'First, he told me that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him the finger. Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews and I told him that we were staying right here. 'And then what?' asked a woman.'Who knows?' said the rabbi. 'He took out his lunch so I took out mine.'

Irony is...

Irony is stress caused by misplacing a book called " Stress, Loss and Grief".

I did find it, but after an exhaustive search in the "piles" on my desk...

"Spoon Theory"

I have been cleaning off my desk and have found some interesting items that I meant-to-do-something-with-that-later but obviously didn't get to it.

My friend sent me a website link to the Spoon theory story. This talks about people who are ill, in particular, have Lupus, and helping someone "healthy" to understand the experience of chronic illness.

Good news item

http://vancouver.24hrs.ca/News/2008/06/17/5899661-sun.html

This is a feel good story. Some would say a miracle. Gives you faith in humanity again.

Giving binners a good name By LUCY GOTELL, 24 HOURS
As an out-of-work actress, Vanessa Burns doesn't have a lot of extra cash. But she's willing to spare some for the man who did her a good deed when she was at her lowest - if she can find him.
After going out with some friends last weekend, Vanessa - who left her home in Toronto three months ago to find work here in Vancouver - woke up Sunday to find her wallet missing.
"I was devastated. I was really upset because I really missed my husband at home and my family," said Burns. "When that happened, it just really made me homesick."
Distraught, Vanessa called her credit-card company and was told someone had charged a cab fare to her Visa.
A few hours later, though, Vanessa heard from an old roommate who said she'd received a phone call from a woman who had Vanessa's wallet.
"What happened was, when [the woman] was taking out her garbage yesterday morning, there was a homeless man who had found my wallet by the garbage and just said, 'Here, I found this, can you take it?'" Vanessa said.
Vanessa picked up her wallet later that day, and was shocked to find that, apart from her credit cards, all of her belongings were still inside.
"My health card, my SIN card, my bus pass ... this guy could have sold these things I'm sure, but he didn't," said Vanessa. "It's amazing to me that the person who initially used my credit card is probably the guy who has a decent apartment, a decent job and just wanted to have somebody else pay for his cab fare. But the guy who has nothing ... is the one who returned it."
Before Vanessa returns to Toronto she would like to meet the man who acted so selflessly.
"I feel like I'm very lucky and I just want to say thank you. Even if it's just buying him a decent meal I would love to do that."

Paraskevidekatriaphobia

paraskevidekatriaphobia Quite the word eh?
From a 2007 article in the Vancouver Sun,

No, it's not a fear of long words -- it means being afraid of Friday the 13th

Nicholas Read
Vancouver Sun
Friday, April 13, 2007

It's a word we in the media like to trot out today: paraskevidekatriaphobia [pronounced pair-uh-skee-vee-dek-uh-tree-uh-FOH-bee-uh] -- the excessive, and sometimes morbid fear of Friday the 13th.
We like it, first, because it's such an impressive-sounding word -- it takes some doing to make all those syllables trip elegantly off the tongue -- and second, because irrational though the fear of a calendar date might sound, it is a bona fide phobia nonetheless, just like ablutophobia, the fear of washing or bathing, lachanophobia, the fear of vegetables, and soceraphobia, the fear of one's parents-in-law.
However, because "irrational" is a word that implies judgment, it's not a word used by professionals who treat phobias. (Especially, they add, given that some phobias can make sense. Think, for example, how valuable a fear of snakes and scorpions was in hunter/gatherer times when one misplaced step could mean death.) What matters to them is whether the phobia, rational or not, impedes the sufferer's ability to live normally.
"If someone is afraid of snakes, and he lives in Ireland where there are no snakes, it's not very serious," says Dr. Mark Watling, a psychiatrist and author, with psychologist Martin Antony, of the book, Overcoming Medical Phobias: How to Conquer Fear of Blood, Needles, Doctors and Dentists. But if you're a diabetic with a debilitating fear of needles, you're in trouble. You're not alone.
Watling, who practises out of the Anxiety Treatment and Research Centre in Hamilton, estimates as many as 13 per cent of people have, to some extent, a fear of things medical.
Sometimes that fear will be so pronounced it will result in panic attacks, and for people with a serious medical condition, that, literally, could be a matter of life and death.
"Certainly there are people who are so afraid of needles that they will put off getting blood work that needs to be done," Watling said in an interview. "But it's when they reach a point like that in their lives that they come to our clinic."
Why such phobias develop is a matter of debate. Genetics is sometimes thought to be partly responsible -- think of those atavistic fears of snakes and spiders -- though it's not clear how much of a fear is inherited and how much is learned. More likely most phobias are born of accidentally associating something otherwise benign with something unpleasant.
Maybe, says Watling, a person's first immunization was terribly painful. Or maybe a person's parents are afraid of needles, so the fear will be exaggerated in the child. It's really hard to say, he adds. No one can draw a definitive conclusion.
Certainly Julianne Lee, a kindergarten teacher in south Surrey, has no explanation for her fear of rats and mice; she just knows she's terrified of them.
"It started when I was 12," she says. "I went blackberry picking in Steveston in Richmond and I stepped on a piece of wood and out came this rodent. I think it was a rat or a mouse. And as soon as I saw it, I remember not being able to breathe, and screaming and screaming like the world was closing in."
And she still feels that way to this day.
If one of her three children ever were to bring home a rat or mouse, she doesn't know what she'd do.
"If they ever touched a mouse or a rat, I think I would be hysterical," she says.
If she were invited to dinner at the home of someone who kept a mouse as a pet, she wouldn't go. She'd never stay in a youth hostel because in her mind they're breeding grounds for mice, and she won't ever set foot in Stanley Park's petting zoo. Never.
"I'd rather be in a room with 10 snakes than one mouse," is how she puts it.
Curiously, when Jerilyn Ross, now a clinical social worker in Washington, D.C. and the CEO of the Anxiety Disorders Association of America, developed her fear of heights, it was on one of the most magical nights of her life.
She was in her 20s, in Salzburg during the Mozart Festival, and she was dancing "with a Prince Charming" on a verandah overlooking the city, which that night was bathed in a kind of fairytale glow.
"I remember dancing and thinking 'what an extraordinary night'," she recalls 30 years later. "And then all of a sudden out of the blue I had this sensation that something would happen to me -- that I was going to be pulled over the edge or pushed over or something."
Perhaps, she now says with the cool clarity of someone who's studied phobias, it was the extreme emotional intensity of the experience -- the twinkling lights, the glorious music, the handsome partner -- that triggered what would become an affliction lasting years. She can't honestly say.
What she can say is that for almost four years, before she finally sought help for it, it affected every aspect of her life. It prevented her from seeking a better job -- she was afraid the interviews might take place in a skyscraper (a good bet since she lived in New York) -- and accepting all kinds of invitations for the same reason.
"My fear was that I was going to lose control -- to run to a window and do something crazy. Since then I've learned it was a misfiring of my body's fight-or-flight response."
What saved her -- indeed what saves most people affected by a phobia, regardless of its genesis -- is something called exposure therapy, a kind of psychological immunization that, like using allergens to treat allergies, uses the very thing the person is afraid of to help him or her get over it. In other words, to face one's fear head-on, but in a gradual, controlled and above all, safe environment.
For Ross, that meant going with her therapist to the sixth floor of a building one week, to the seventh the next, and to the eighth the week after that. Each time she would be afraid, she recalls, but each time -- with time -- she would learn to manage and control that fear and move on it from it.
It took months of practice, but she finally beat the phobia altogether. Recently, she and her husband bought a condo in Florida with floor-to-ceiling windows on the 16th floor.
What's important, says Steve Taylor, a psychologist practising out of the University of B.C.'s psychiatry department, is that the therapy be done slowly, methodically and preferably under the care of someone who really knows what he's doing.
"You can try it to do it on your own," he says, "but it's best to do it gradually. Too often people with phobias will try and push themselves too hard."
No matter the source of the phobia -- rats, cats, dinner conversation (deipnophobia), music (melophobia), or the colour purple (porphyrophobia) -- the idea is to expose the sufferer to it steadily and gradually to the point that eventually the phobia is all but wiped out or at least endurable.
For example, while he was still practising in Australia, Taylor once had a patient so afraid of spiders that simply seeing a picture of a dot with eight radiating strokes around it caused her panic. But at the end of a course of exposure therapy, she was a different woman -- "going out and catching them in a jar and then having them run across the floor in front of her," Taylor recalls.
For cases of certain kinds of social phobias -- that is, the fear of being in situations where one is under the scrutiny of others -- dating, job interviews and suchlike -- sometimes the same kinds of drugs used to treat depression will be used to treat the phobia, he says.
"Nobody knows for sure why they work," he adds, "but serotonin is thought to play a role in regulating emotions, and it's thought that somehow this neurotransmitter is de-regulated in people who develop a social phobia."
Sometimes, says Watling, something called "flooding" is tried as well. "This is exposing you to your worst-case scenario right off the bat," he explains.
In other words, this would involve, say, placing someone with a fear of cats in a crowded cat shelter. Needless to say, it's a drastic measure that is never prescribed lightly.
"It can be effective sometimes," Watling says, "but it's not effective if you scare the person out of ever having treatment again."
That's why for most people, he, Taylor and Ross concur, a gradual introduction to whatever it is that's prompting the fear is the best way.
In fact, for about 95 per cent of people who seek relief from their phobias, that kind of easy-as-you-go approach will do the trick."The exposures are designed to induce a manageable amount of anxiety -- nothing is supposed to be a surprise," Watling said.

If I had my life to live over

Found this in my collection of various "inspirational" items.....

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER
- by Erma Bombeck
(Written after she found out she was dying from cancer).

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.


I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.


I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.


I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.


I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.


I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.


I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.


I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.


Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.


When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, 'Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.' There would have been more 'I love you's'; more 'I'm sorry's.'


But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute... look at it and really see it ... live it and never give it back. STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!!!


Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what!


Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us.

God needs an image makeover... article

This is an interesting article I found in a newspaper.

The many names (and images) of god

Douglas Todd

Vancouver Sun

Saturday, May 31, 2008

God needs an image makeover -- and there's no better place to start than with God's name.

Whenever someone mentions "God" in Canada, conversations crash to a halt. Everyone gets nervous. And it's not just from Canadian politeness.

It's because most people mistakenly think they know what the other is talking about when they say "God." Typically, they assume the "God" in question is a stern, patriarchal monarch in the sky.

Most Canadians, whether they consider themselves religious or not, seem stuck with the limited picture of God they had when they were early teenagers dropping out of church, synagogue, mosque or temple.

However, the concept of "God" is endlessly complex and nuanced and divinity deserves a more thoughtful name, or names.

"God" is an exaggerrated version of words such as "love," "truth," "spirituality" and "post-modern;" that is, "God" is a rich and contentious word, laden with multiple meanings.

We need to use fresher names for God. Just as people change their names to highlight different aspects of themselves -- such as when hard-driving "Priscilla" becomes more masculine "Kerry" or aboriginal "Jim George" becomes "Thundercloud" -- different names for "God" highlight different divine identities.

Through history there have been hundreds of names for "God."

Some half-decent contemporary names are "the divine," "spirit," "the holy," "the one," "the transcendent" and "the sacred" (all of which can be capitalized, depending on preference.)

The process of rebranding "God" brings to mind how Muslims long ago developed 99 "beautiful" names for "God" (or "Allah" (in Arabic) to capture the full glory and wonder of the transcendent.

I'd guess many Canadians stereotype Muslims as thinking about God mainly as a tough, vengeful dictator. But some of the 99 names for God include "The Compassionate," "The Pardoner," "The Majestic," "The Bountiful," "The Watchful," "The Wise," "The Giver of Life," "The Hidden," "The Unifier" and "The Light."

Jews have found a good way to deal with the unfortunate misunderstandings that can come from the name, "God:" Many choose simply not to use the word. Instead, they'll write "G-d."

This is a useful and humble approach, which reminds me of how U.S. geochemist Rustom Roy called for the complete eradication of the word God. He suggested integrating science and religion and replacing the word God with ****, which to him denotes the "cloud of essence."

At the same time, Jews also developed dozens of names for God in the Hebrew Bible (which Christians know as the Old Testament), including "Adonai," "Elohim," "El Shaddai" and, intriguingly, "I am what I am becoming."

In medieval times some Jews cleverly called God "The Seven," combining seven titles for the deity in one.

Although the Catholic and Protestant churches have for centuries tended to stress "Lord," "Almighty" and "Father" as names for God, Jesus and his followers adopted many others.

Influenced by Jewish and Greek tradition, their names for God included "Creator," "the Mountain," "Abba (daddy)," "the Word," "Logos," "Yahweh," "Sophia" and "the Light." Many Christians have recently been referring to God as "Redeemer" and "Sustainer."

As for Hindus, many name the supreme cosmic spirit as "Brahman." Others highlight personal manifestations of God in "Vishnu" or "Krishna."

Sikhs may speak of God as "Akal Purakh," meaning timeless primal being. In Chinese folk religion, God is often referred to as "Zhu" (Lord in Heaven) or "Shen" (spirit). Taoists talk about the ultimate as "the Tao" or "The Way."

Even Buddhists have something to say about divinity. Although most Theravadan Buddhists do not believe in a Creator, many Pure Land Buddhists give "Amithaba" eternal powers similar to those ascribed to God.

In the book, Philosophers Speak of God, edited by Charles Hartshorne and William Reese, philosophers reveal some of their many names for divinity -- including "elan vital (life force)," "the call forward," "divine intelligence," "the lure" and the "ordering principle."

All of which goes to show the name "God" is never to be taken for granted.

Next time someone drops the name into a conversation, pro or con, ask them which "God" they're talking about.

And don't let them off the hook by allowing them to argue "no one should try to define God because the transcendent is beyond full comprehension."

While it's true defining "God" will always be elusive and unprovable, it's a cop-out to not take a stab at it -- perhaps especially when someone is trying to reject belief in "God."

Asking people what they mean when they say "God" will put them on the spot and make them think, which is usually a good thing.

What's in a name? When it comes to "God," quite a lot.

To reach Douglas Todd, go to this blog at www.vancouversun.com/blogs