Anti Bully Day AKA "Wear Pink Day"

This past Wednesday, our colleague led us in devotional/thought for the week related to "Anti-Bullying day". I never knew where this came from until he read us a brief story about the origin.

The pink movement was begun last fall by two Annapolis Valley students who rallied around a younger student after he was bullied for wearing a pink polo shirt on the first day of school.

David Shepherd and Travis Price, who were in Grade 12 at Central Kings Rural High School, asked all students at their school to wear pink T-shirts to combat bullying.

They bought 50 pink shirts from a discount store, then e-mailed classmates to get them on board. The next day, hundreds of students showed up wearing pink clothing. Before long, the movement had spread around the province and across the country.

I got a kick out of hearing where this originated as I went to university in the area and had to pass the school numerous times on my way around town.

Our colleague led us in a meditation about this....

May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.

Mat you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.

May you use those gifts that you have received and pass on the love that has been given to you.

May you be content kneeing you are a child of God.

Let this presence settle into your bones and allow your soul the freedom to sin, dance, praise and love.

Bullies’ words sing and slice through me.

Bullies’ words twist into shapes that beat me and leave me like a trampled leaf.

I run to hide but there is no safe corner.

I only need a small place to lick my wounds.

If God loves me enough to create me and to give me life, then I can love and respect myself no less. I no longer believe that I am undeserving of the good things in life made available for myself and everyone else in the world.

There are always times when we feel unlovely and unloved, bewildered, lost, unsure of who we are and of what is expected of us.

There always seem to be dark time of pain and confusion, of misunderstandings that become like tangled roots – twisted – without space to grow deeply.

I know that God is the one and only source of my being. Spirit Itself created me. Life Itself lives through me. Love Itself sustains me. I am an important and connected part of this spiritual universe.

Therefore: I ACCEPT my own beauty, and I see it reflected in the world around me.

I ACCEPT my own power, and I use it wisely.

I ACCEPT my own worth, and I live generously.

I ACCEPT my own love, and I share it freely.

I ACCEPT my own potential, and I live it fully.

There are always times when we feel trashed and rejected, sometimes by those close to us. And so we pack our pain away deep down, as deep as twisted roots, and tightly, very tightly, afraid it might be glimpsed, unpacked by cruel tongues.

My past, my false beliefs, and my feeling of unworthiness no longer define me. I accept full responsibility for my life, my thoughts, my feelings and my actions. I mat not always like what I do or how I feel, but I choose always to love myself in the meantime. Never again will I judge myself as undeserving of becoming the person I was meant to be.

Help us to disentangle the knots of confusion and misunderstanding,

To understand the hurts that other feel – that we have ignored.

To those who withhold refuge, I cradle you in safety at the core of my Being.

To those that cause a child to cry out, I grant you the freedom to express your own choked agony.

To those that inflict terror, I remind you that you shine with the purity of a thousand suns.

To those who would confine, suppress, or deny, I offer the limitless expanse of the sky.

To those who need to cut, or burn, I remind you of the invincibility of Spring.

To those who cling and grasp, I promise generosity without measure.

To those who vent their rage on small children, I return to you your deepest innocence.

To those who must frighten into submission, I hold you in the bosom of your original mother.

To those who cause agony to other, I give the gift of free flowing tears.

To those that deny another’s right to be, I remind you that the angels sang in celebration of you on the day of your birth.

To those who see only division and separateness, I remind you that a part is born only bisecting a whole.

For those who have forgotten the tender mercy of a mother’s embrace, I send a gentle breeze to caress your brow.

To those who still fee somehow incomplete, I offer the perfect sanctity of this moment.

Help us to speak of what we feel.

Help us to know when others need to speak so that then we can listen.

God the father and mother of us all, beyond our highest thoughts and deepest knowledge, who has given us the gift of language that we may communicate with one another and talk of every aspect of your created world, direct our mind and our lips that in all our dealings with others our word may be fair, so that we cause no hurt, and let our actions reflect the kindness of our words. Amen.

Help us to loosen the tight package of pain and move into new understandings.

Dear Lord, we know that you have given us the freedom to choose. We can choose whether to treat others with kindness and respect or to scorn, bully and abuse them. Help us to choose rightly.

Help us to recognize the divine image in each one of us, however different we may be as individuals.

Help us to resist the pressures of others who want us to join them in making someone a victim of their cruelty. Help us to know that in hurting others we are hurting our better selves and hurting you. Amen.

Let share, and search and listen; let us know ourselves more completely and feel an awakened sense of all that is good and true spilling over into riches of brightness and love.

May the God of light shine from us; the love of God flow through us; the power of God inspire us; and the presence of God make us bold in the ways of peace so that wherever we are, God is, and all may be well. Amen.

In Times like these....

These past 2 weeks have been busy. "Busy crazy" as I call it. I returned from a week away and scrambled to catch up. Surprisingly, despite the busy-ness of it all, I have been very focused. More so than in the longest time. My first week back, I was on call. That means from 6 or 8 p.m. I carry a pager and respond when it goes off. The first day I had it, it went off at 2:30 a.m. I called in to find out that the staff were in the middle of a code (complete with CPR) and that the family member was on their way up to the ward. I made it there is 30 minutes instead of the usual hour. I guess it is partly due to the lack of traffic on the usually crowded highways...

Then when I was there supporting the family member, I was paged by another unit saying that a patient had died and that the family would like an Anglican minister to come and pray. At 4 in the morning, it was unlikely that I would find anyone as I think we mostly have office numbers as contact. So I went and prayed with them even though I am not Anglican, then I went back upstairs to continue with family #1. I got home when I would normally be getting up and "slept in" going back to work for 10 a.m.

This week has been busy as well. Referals about patients who are depressed and want to die. They "want to go to sleep and not wake up" or they are just "tired of being sick". I have been watching some of my long-term patients (people I have known for many months, and in some cases, many years) decline. Loosing their physical function, or cognitive status -- not knowing where they are, when did they last talk to their family member (yesterday or 2 hours ago), or going into cardiac arrest.

Yesterday, I attended a code blue before I left that day. The patient's family was there and I knew them all pretty well. I actually cried when I left them. It is hard to see patients crash. It is hard to leave them while the story is still playing out...

This morning I was thinking about the patient who crashed before I left. They "aren't really religious". The family has church afilliations but they have not been active for a number of years due to working schedules and health status. And for some reason, the verse of a hymn that I learned as a child came to my head. This is what I have to offer them...



In times like these, we need a Savior.
In times like these, we need an anchor.
Be very sure, Be very sure,
Your anchor holds and grips the solid Rock.



My head messes up and says "be very sure your anchor hold through the storms of life" which alludes to another hymn, "Will your anchor hold in the storms of life?"






That is what a lot of people need in their lives, is to know that when life's storms come, that they are strong enough to weather it, and won't crash into the sea of turmoil. But also to know that should they crash into the sea, that there is someone to help pull them out. A friend, a brother, a mom, a nurse, a doctor, ... a caring soul... who won't let them go down alone.

Warm Fuzzies

This past week, there was a fire in Austrailian Bush country. A koala bear was found (see video below) and given water by a firefighter. She was taken to a shelter and named Sam. Sam met "Bob" who was also rescued and the two have befriended each other in their time of survival. It is a love story that has captivated the world.




Another warm fuzzy is an email I received with pictures of babies. No one I know but cute.

Art Show: Images of Hope

One of my colleagues is a painter. Today he had a showing of his paintings. The theme was "Images of Hope".




One woman who stopped told me that this was just what she needed today, as she was feeling down in the morning. Likely the weather,

About Heavens

Here is a video to watch .. art show.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IFgwyoGjTyc

Poetry

I found a new poetry book. Bartlett's Poems for Occasions William Butler Yeats. b. 1865

863. When You are Old

WHEN you are old and gray and full of sleep
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;
How many loved your moments of glad grace,	5
And loved your beauty with love false or true;
But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face.
And bending down beside the glowing bars,
Murmur, a little sadly, how love fled	10
And paced upon the mountains overhead,
And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.

Robert Frost (1874–1963). Mountain Interval. 1920.

3. An Old Man’s Winter Night

ALL out of doors looked darkly in at him
Through the thin frost, almost in separate stars,
That gathers on the pane in empty rooms.
What kept his eyes from giving back the gaze
Was the lamp tilted near them in his hand.	5
What kept him from remembering what it was
That brought him to that creaking room was age.
He stood with barrels round him—at a loss.
And having scared the cellar under him
In clomping there, he scared it once again	10
In clomping off;—and scared the outer night,
Which has its sounds, familiar, like the roar
Of trees and crack of branches, common things,
But nothing so like beating on a box.
A light he was to no one but himself	15
Where now he sat, concerned with he knew what,
A quiet light, and then not even that.
He consigned to the moon, such as she was,
So late-arising, to the broken moon
As better than the sun in any case	20
For such a charge, his snow upon the roof,
His icicles along the wall to keep;
And slept. The log that shifted with a jolt
Once in the stove, disturbed him and he shifted,
And eased his heavy breathing, but still slept.	25
One aged man—one man—can’t fill a house,
A farm, a countryside, or if he can,
It’s thus he does it of a winter night.

http://www.canadianmennonite.org/vol12-2008/12-22/feature.php#article1

Lessons from the "Other side of the Bed"

Over the past few weeks, I have learned what it is like to be IN the hospital bed, versus being caregiver to people in the hospital bed. I wasn't admitted, but I did spend a lot of time in ER, as an outpatient. The waiting is hard.

My husband is not good with the hospital experience -- people in the beds next to you , moaning and groaning, calling out for attention... being forced to wait for ... whatever. He coined it "hurry up and wait". The doctors did not like some of the test results I have had, and then call me up after I have just been there for 8 hours at work and then ask if it's too much of an inconvenience to come in so that they could see me. So I fed my husband supper and we went to the hospital yet again. Then we waited ... for an hour. Then a grumpy nurse took my vitals. Then another hour. A doctor finally showed up. Told me stuff that I didn't like. Told me to wait some more. Then sent me home at 1 in the morning telling me to go for more tests.

Then I was woken up first thing in the morning by a doctor on the phone telling me to come today. "Aren't you working anyhow? " (After getting home at 1 in the morning, I was sleeping. So no, I was not going to work. How was I expected to function and provide comfort and pastoral care to others when I needed some pastoral care myself?) So I went back in, they told me what the treatment plan is. And I agreed to do it. Even if it is just to get ALL of this over with.

Waiting for "whatever it is"... is hard. Being told things about your health that you don't want to hear is hard. Worrying about the worst case scenario is hard. What is worse? Knowing.. or not knowing. This is one of the lessons that I have learned about being a patient, versus caring for patients.

While waiting in various waiting areas of the hospital, it is interesting to see the types of cases that came in. People brought out in by ambulance drivers, head injuries, bleeding, people wanting pain control, homeless people, elderly, teenagers... all types of people with different cases trying to get help for whatever it is that ails them. Some get help in a timely manner, while others seem to sit and wait a long time. Based on what I saw, my issue was minor and while I hate being a patient and feared being admitted to my own hospital, I sure didn't want to be in the shoes of those I saw in the waiting room either.

Waiting... why is it so hard to do?

But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew [their] strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; [and] they shall walk, and not faint.

This is what I remember when I think of "waiting". I remember a sermon that I preached about this passage, with the main theme being that there is a difference between waiting for something, and waiting on the LORD. It is hard to wait for something, especially when you don't know what you are waiting for, or when you have no definitive date.

This week, I have learned the lesson of waiting, but unlike my patients I have been waiting at home. Not in a hospital. I still have some freedom to eat what I like, to sleep in my own bed, to go to the store should I need/want to, spend time with my husband.

I don't know that I'm going to like what I'm told when the waiting is done, but I will be glad that the wait is over and I can continue with my life.


Waiting is hard. Especially when you don't know what you are waiting for. Something, ANY thing, movement would be good. That is something my patients tell me. You don't like where you are and hope that when the time comes that what you have been waiting for will improve your life, instead of alter it drastically. I just hope that I have learned something good from all this waiting, that will benefit my time with my patients later.

Death of a Dream

Dreams are the things that hopes are made of .. or is it hope is the thing that dreams are made of. Either way, when a dream dies, it is hard to deal with that reality. Sometimes our dreams are the things that we used as a guideline, a goal that we were shooting for. Sometimes our dreams are unrealistic and hence unrealized..

When a person realizes that the dream that they sought and had put so much into is gone.. it is hard to get over.

Dreams are funny things. Some of them are attainable, but not meant for this time or place in our lives, while others die so that new ones can surface. And still others should never be....

Dreams encapulate our hopes. Hope is a good thing. It helps us to look to the future and focus on what we want out of life. It gives us a positive view of the world and the things that are in it.. but hope is also aware that not everything is rosy.. that not everything is perfect. No .. hope does not deny the evil the world, but works to move us beyond it. There is a quote that I have found about this.. I will have to add it later.

Still it is hard to move when we realize the death of a dream for whatever reason it dies. It is then our task to figure out how to move on, and find the dream/hope that best fits the place where we are.

Charity .. what is it really?

char⋅i⋅ty

  –noun, plural -ties.

1.	generous actions or donations to aid the poor, ill, or helpless: to devote one's life to charity.

2.	something given to a person or persons in need; alms: She asked for work, not charity.

3.	a charitable act or work.

4.	a charitable fund, foundation, or institution: He left his estate to a charity.

5.	benevolent feeling, esp. toward those in need or in disfavor: She looked so poor that we fed her out of charity.

6.	leniency in judging others; forbearance: She was inclined to view our selfish behavior with charity.

7.	Christian love; agape.

"charity." The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Houghton Mifflin Company, 2004. 26 Oct. 2008. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/charity>.


For a month, I was helping with a project at work. Twice a year at work, our organization distributes food and clothing to the needy population of town. We request that people bring us seasonal clothes, toiletries, new socks, new underwear, blankets and shoes. This fall, we were collecting items for the cold weather.

I am amazed that people would give us their old, USED underwear, USED socks, and summery clothes. Most of the items, such as the used items, went in the garbage, while the summery things were boxed up for the next clothing drive, usually for April.
What are people thinking? They give us DIRTY, STAINED clothes, because they are either too lazy to throw them out or too lazy to wash them.

This is the second year I have helped with this effort. This year we had 4 categories of clothes; 1. garbage (not applicable or suitable for ANYthing), 2. the thrift store (our organization has a thrift store now. Some people were giving purses, high heel shoes, sequined tops,. good for someone but not for this particular project). 3. Project: what we were really looking for, 4. Clothing Depot: in one of our sites, we have a clothing depot where staff look for items for patients. These items are meant for patients who need something to go home in. Doesn't have to look like a total smart outfit, but it has to be functional and fit. Often patients come in with the clothes on their back, which must get cut off of them or thrown out, or the person has swelling and is not able to fit their shoes, pants, etc that they came in with.

I know that one man's junk is another man treasure. But charity is about giving to those in need and giving out of love and caring. Some of these acts seem to say that they don't care, the person just wanted to dump their closet contents. Since these people are in need, they'll be happy with anything. What about dignity people? What about tact? We are taught in our Holy writings to share with the poor and to give of the heart. Some of these acts, while well meaning, don't seem to show that people think with their heart or their head.

Memorable but oh so wrong..

I never want this to happen at any wedding I officiate...

Worst Best Man Ever @ Yahoo! Video

Notice, BOTH the bride and the minister end up getting hit!!

A Psalm for what has been Lost

One day at work, we were asked to write our own psalm. The following is about dementia and based on Psalms 30, " Joy comes in the morning" and a line from Anne of Green Gables, "Tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it.”

A Psalm for What has been Lost.

Cry to the LORD for what has been lost
I cry to the earth in the sweet dew of morning
Fresh and new I see
Erased are the errors of yesterday
Erased are the mistakes and pain of yesterday
Starting new and fresh each day – full of hope,
Anxious to see what this day shall bring.

I cry to the LORD for what has been lost
Gone are the times of innocence and play.
Gone is my childhood.
Gone is my heart full of naivety
Gone is the security of his loving arms.

But fresh are the memories … the memories… do they stay?

Gone are the memories of yesterday – the joy of gatherings, the security of loving space.
Gone is the ability to recall the past, full of joy, full of life & light
Gone is the life with the man I once knew.

Fresh each morning I start the day
Gone are the faces I once loved and trusted

Fresh each morning are the hopes and fears – fears of knowing there is something I have forgotten, fear of remembering …
only to loose it the moment that it comes.

I cry to the Earth for the memories given through sight, smell and sound.
I know I have been here before.

I cry to the LORD for that which has been lost, …
Am loosing…
Is going…

Fresh each morning I start the day.
Gone is my pain, my trials, my memories…
Gone is the fear of knowing what is to come.

Now is the Strength that I have from You.

Fresh comes the morning, fresh comes the fear of what is to come .. but only for a moment.. It is death. She waits…

Fading memories bring times of anguish and frustration
The word that is gone from my tongue… I knew it once.
The face that I see.. the name that is lost deep in my heart.

I cry to the LORD for that which is lost
I hope for the morning – fresh each day is the hope.
LORD be with me I pray.

Of all the things that I have lost,
Your presence remains.

Helping people who don't really want help

This will likely be perceived as a rant. It is more of a comment about some of the people I have met in the course of my work. (Mind you if I think about it, I am probably thought of the same way by the diet centre that I go to.)

Lately, I have been frustrated by people who say they want your help. They say "I need A". You say, I can't give you A exactly, but I can give you "a". They say no, I want it this way.

or.. They say I need help. We (medical team) tell them to improve health do this. They say ok!! and don't do it. And then later say that we didn't do anything to help them. It seems that there are 2 issues here with this.

1. A saying that is taken from my years of Psychology training, "You can't help people unless they want to be helped." You can't "fix" anyone, or assist people in self-improvement unless they are willing to change.

2. Some people want to change, but find it difficult to do the work. (Me as example with diet centre. It IS too hard. I know what I have to do and I want to, but the choices get boring. and I don't really have time to plan ahead... excuses excuses.) So some people want the "instant coffee" or "fast food" result. This means they say "this is my order" and it's given to them. Someone else does the work. And then they eat the junk food and wonder why things aren't working the way that they thought.

I empathize both of these types of people. Mostly the 2nd. It IS hard to change. It is hard to be sick and to feel like doing work when we are sick, physically or emotionally, or otherwise. It is hard to maintain the determination that is needed to get the results that we desire. And in some cases, try as we might we have to accept the fact that for all the effort we put in, things will not or CAN not go back to how it was. Life has changed in either the circumstances, or we have been changed in the process. We aren't the people we were when we started this journey and in some cases, thank God for that. Hopefully we are better people for it.

There are those who try and try to improve themselves, their emotional, intellectual or physical status, but in some area or another are hit time and time again with the difficulties of life, be it illness, (multiple factors), financial or just life's circumstances.

Still there are those who are stuck and want to get out of the hole, but aren't able to find the energy or the ability to get out of it. Then there are those who want to stay in the hole while thinking they are entitled to more, but not wishing to earn things.

It is difficult to discern who is which person, and to see the blind spot in our lives. It is also difficult to point this out to others. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, to make someone angry at something that isn't my fault even though I am just telling the truth... shoot the messenger syndrome. I hate it, and I try to avoid it when possible.

These people are my clients, friends or associates, either way, it is hard to see this happen and feel powerless to "help" those who say they want it.

Dark Night of the Soul -- one comment

This is the Song "Dark Side of the Soul" adapted for music by Loreena McKennitt from the poem "Dark Night of the Soul" by John of the Cross.



Upon a darkened night
The flame of love was burning in my breast
And by a lantern bright
I fled my house while all in quiet rest

Shrouded by the night
And by the secret stair I quickly fled
The veil concealed my eyes
While all within lay quiet as the dead.

(Chorus)

O, night thou was my guide!
O, night more loving than the rising sun!
O, night that joined the Lover to the beloved one!
Transforming each of them into the other.

Upon that misty night
In secrecy beyond such mortal sight
Without a guide or light
Than that which burned as deeply in my heart.

That fire 'twas led me on
And shone more bright than of the midday sun
To where He waited still
It was a place where no one else could come.

(Chorus)

Within my pounding heart
Which kept itself entirely for Him
He fell into His sleep
beneath the cedars all my love I gave.

From o'er the fortress walls
The wind would brush His hair against His brow
And with its smoother hand
caressed my every sense it would allow.

(Chorus)

I lost my self to Him
And laid my face upon my Lover's breast
And care and grief grew dim
As in the morning's mist became the light.
There they dimmed amongst the lilies fair.
*Arranged and adapted by Loreena McKennitt, 1993

The poem by John of the Cross was written in the mid 1500's. It describes the journey of the soul returning to God. It talks about the difficulties of the journey to separate from this world to focus on union with the Creator. The main idea is that life, and the spiritual life, is a journey with hardships along the way, but that we grow and gain maturity and insight from our times of struggle and despair as well as the times of success and joy. The poem's author later wrote a book/commentary of the same name detailing the interpretation of the poem verse by verse.

My understanding of the term "Dark night of the soul" is that is the the time of darkness when we, or our souls, feel cut off from God, in our spiritual life. It is when we feel fartherest away from God or disconnected. Irony is that this is a part of the journey, painful though it be. Often this stage or experience can be understand or is described as depression. Spiritual depression, I think, is different from clinical depression. (Many people often neglect the idea of spiritual injury. But it is real.) Native peoples, also called First Nations, understand the spiritual world and hence understand there is a connection between physical and spiritual injury. When I was visiting with an Aboriginal woman a few years ago, she explained to me the belief that there are often spiritual symptoms of an illness. It was no surprise to me to be having that conversation, as there have been numerous studies discussing the mind/body connection. It was a refreshing to be having the conversation with a spiritual perspective. Initiated by someone else!!

I have often struggled with what I will call depression. It is not clinical depression, but more of a "down mood, or feeling down". It is brought on by different aspects of life; bad day, stress, various elements collide. It usually doesn't last, but it does affect my interaction with other people, and obviously my work. (as that is a large part of my job, to interact with other people. To meet them in the time and place where they are, not the other way around. Sometimes, to bring them into my world may not be a healthy thing for either of us...)

I have often been aware of the connection between spiritual life/journey, and my mood. It is interesting to note, but at times difficult to get through. Perhaps the depressions have to do with expectations about how "things should be". This afternoon, one of my colleagues commented on a newspaper article about a woman who started a business as a result of a family problem. Her daughter was an Olympic swimmer who had a hard time finding a suit to fit. After the Olympics were over, the mother and daughter formed a company that is now globally known. The comment was that "people have a messed idea of what being successful is. You don't need to be making millions to be successful." Our conversation then was a discussion of what success means. When one's goals are unattained, this frustrates us and causes stress. But the question is "is our goal realistic, or is our methodology faulty?" Maybe this is where the Dark Night of the Soul comes in. Maybe we have an unrealistic idea of what life is supposed to look like, what our life is supposed to be with God. Often when people suffer, they ask "why? Why God? Why me? What did I do to deserve this? Am I being punished?" and this often drives people away from God because they might not have a strong foundation or faith/understanding of God's plan/motivation for us. Perhaps we have an unrealistic expectation or picture of what life with God is supposed to look like. This might cause a Dark Night. Things aren't going the way that we think, and we get frustrated and depressed. Hopefully the darkness does not stay too long, hopefully we are strong enough to continue the journey. Not to abandon the spiritual path to a deeper understanding of God. Still thinking on this subject.

Nouwen and the Birds...

Excerpt from "Seeds of Hope: A Nouwen Reader". Chapter entitled "Celebrating Humanness"


the Birds and I Genesse Abbey, June 13, 1974

This morning, Father John explained to me that the killdeer is a bird that fools you by simulating injury to pull attention away from her eggs which she lays openly on a sandy place. Beautiful! Neurosis as a weapon! How often I have asked pity for an unreal problem in order to pull people's attention away from what I didn't want them to see.

Sometimes it seems that every bird has institutionalized every one of my defense mechanisms. The cowbird lays her eggs in some other bird's nest to let them do the brooding job, the Baltimore oriole imitates the sound of more dangerous birds to keep the enemies away, and the redwing blackbird keeps screaming so loud over head that you get tired of her noise and soon leave the area that she considers hers. It does not take long to realize that I do all of that and a lot more to protect myself or to get my own will done. Genesse Diary

I find this to be an interesting commentary on people and the defense mechanisms we use. Often we want something done, but we aren't willing to do the work to get there. Or in the case of some patients I have met, they do not or are not able to take responsibility for their own actions. The illness is the result of someone or something else. That may be true, but in the meantime, this is where we are... let's work with that. Blaming someone else for our problems and trying to figure out why or how, sometimes this doesn't help us at all. We end up wallowing in our own misery and at times, this exasperates the situation (and the other people around who are trying to help.) I have a few patients who are "labelled" (for lack of a better word) as "non compliant". This means that they have come to our hospital saying "I need help. Please help me to fix this issue." But when told a treatment plan or when the "plan" doesn't fit their criteria, they don't follow the "prescription". They want help, but not in the way that we have to offer it. Very frustrating at times.

The complication is that often the non-compliance is a result of denial or non-acceptance of the situation that they are in. True. Some times we will wallow in our misery and pain. True, sometimes this is warranted. However in the case of a health issue, this may not be good. Rather time is not always afforded to allow the person to process at their speed.


This afternoon, I was talking to 2 family members of a "new" patient. *New to me* One I had met a few times before, and so we had a good rapport. They had worked in the health care field and hence had some understanding of the kind of issues that occur from non-compliance. The other person, I had only met this afternoon. They didn't come to the hospital very much as per the non-compliance being a large part of a relationship dynamic causing frustration and burnout for this individual. They mentioned that when the patient smartens up (my words) and gets a transplant then maybe they will stop whining about their problems and life will go back to the way it was. The health care knowledgeable family and I explained this person that getting a transplant is not like waving a magic wand. Instead, it is a means to living longer (temporarily) just as certain medications and treatments were. Kidney disease can be chronic, and when it is, it can be considered terminal at times. Freud said that from the moment we are born, we begin to die. This is a fact that we all must face, just some people must face it sooner. That can be a factor of the non-compliance. They aren't ready to consider death as a possibility. It would likely overwhelm and cause depression. "Why bother to live for today if I might die tomorrow?" But then we might all think that eh?

The birds and their "defense" mechanisms. Sometimes, people use these defense strategies so that people don't see the thing the birds are trying to hide. Sometime we people are the birds. We are trying to distract our fellow cronies from seeing the flaws, our perceived failures, and other times, we are trying to distract ourselves from seeing our own flaws and perceived failures. It is too overwhelming at times. Sometimes these "defense mechanisms" are warranted, but to persist too long can damage our emotional and spiritual health.

Magnetic Poetry

A few months ago, I bought a magnetic poetry kit for something silly in the office. I put a few of the words on the fridge in our staff room and added to it as time went on. Today I finished putting all of the words on there. This is what it looks like at present. Every so often I mess it up and people start all over. The person who wrote the "sometimes I wonder if there is a puppy in all this fluff" complained that the workds were limiting as his comment was "do you think that I wanted to ask if there was a puppy in fluff?"

Conversation in my staff/lunch room the other day

Male colleague addressing 3 of us in the lunch room.

"Why can't men wear shorts here at work?"

(Pause) No seemed to be saying anything and I was in a quirky mood.

Me: "Because some men have chicken legs and no one wants to see that."

Him: " But women wear skirts here."
Me: "Yes but they also tend to shave their legs." (Pause) "Mind you, there are some women who shouldn't wear short skirts either."

And then the conversation with the other 2 men present involved suggestions of wearing kilts... and I left it alone.

Headline #3 of the Day

Dad denied bereavement leave after baby's death

Gerry Bellett, Vancovuer Sun, Thursday July 3

ertz Canada Ltd. has failed to persuade the B.C. Human Rights Tribunal to dismiss a complaint by an employee who claims he was denied bereavement leave from his job at Vancouver International Airport to deal with the death of his prematurely born daughter.

The car rental company is also being sued by the employee, Ali Mahdi, for religious discrimination by deducting pay for the time he spends praying each day to practise his Muslim faith.

Hertz applied to have both complaints dismissed by the tribunal, but member Tonie Beharrell said the company didn't provide grounds to show why either complaint shouldn't be considered.

According to Mahdi, his wife gave birth to a baby girl at 21 weeks of gestation in March, 2007, but the baby died the same day.

When he asked for bereavement leave, he was told he was ineligible because the child was stillborn and would have had to live longer than 24 hours for him to receive a leave.

Beharrell said there was a dispute between the parties over whether the child was stillborn or had survived birth only to die later.

The company had argued that a stillborn child "is not a child for the purposes of bereavement leave," so Mahdi was not granted leave.

As for the claims of religious discrimination, Mahdi is required to pray five times a day at times that vary during the year and which sometimes require him to pray while at work.

While the parties disagreed about how much time Mahdi spends at prayer while at work, they agreed that the punch-clock indicates he takes four minutes a day.

Accordingly, the company has been deducting 20 minutes pay per week from Mahdi's wages.

The company claims it has accommodated his need to pray and that it would constitute undue hardship to have to pay him for time not spent working.

Mahdi argued that other employees absent from work for similar periods were not docked pay.

Beharrell ruled that the dispute would go before the tribunal to be settled.

I pointed this article out to a colleague. He and I agreed that grief is grief regardless of whether this was a still born or whether the baby lived a few hours before death. The end result is a loss for both the mother and father. Grief isn't always about physical death, but in this case it was also the death of a dream and the hopes and plans that these parents had. My colleague and I talked about the seeming injustice presented in the article in that the company refused to acknowledge this man's grief. Despite the fact that the child did not live long enough to form a bond with the parents, there was still a relationship that was lost. This is to be acknowledged.

This article also screams injustice at punishing a man for practicing his faith on "company time". All employees are entitled to breaks, paid or not.