Some people are just... ew!

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0217062contract1.html

Read this and then tell me what you think. I was appalled and will likely tell more reactions later.

I can not believe what some people think is "normal". I understand that everyone is different and hence there are different standards of "norm". I wonder what type of upbringing someone would have to think this way. I mean, obviously the man in question is very particular.. but then there is just... crazy. I mean, psych ward nuts.

Fighting with computers

Man these things are SUPPOSED to make your life easier but I wonder... I have spent the past 2 weeks fighting with my computer both at work and at home. I have written a blog about my frustrations with elevators twice only to loose the darn thing because I'm still not sure about using this blog stuff!! ARGH!

At work, I have been doing a database/membership list which was painstaking and tedious. I finally finished it last night after 2 weeks of working on it daily. In the course of doing so, I learned why there wer so many problems... alot of typos from previous database owners, and misinformation in general.. hence emails would bounce.. etc.

Somedays, I think that the computer takes me away from my "real" job of dealing one-on-one with people. Or maybe I am supposed to be in administration... I don't know. (That's what my personality profile said, as per Myers-Briggs www.myersbriggs.org) but I think that would make my life more frustrating. Having to deal with politics and bureaucracy would not be a good fit for me.

I will rewrite my elevator thing later when I'm not so annoyed with the loosing blogs things .In the meantime, check out. http://www.candidcritic.com/elevators.htm http://www.hespos.com/archives/000289.html

Saying Farewell to Another Beautiful Soul

This week has been surprisingly good despite what has happened. I finally went back to work again and it seems everything went haywire while I was gone. Staff members retired and I missed a farewell party, one of my patients was on palliative ward and died on Sunday. I went upstairs to the exact room where she was for another patient of mine that has decided to stop treatment. It is rare for my patients to die, compared with palliative or ICU, I mean. My patients are geriatric or kidney patients. In a sense, they are dying, due to aging or a chronic ilness such as kidney failure, but they are not usually actively dying.

It is days like yesterday that I just hate my job. I have known these women for 2 years or more. Since I first came here to Vancouver. In fact, this woman I saw today, is the first patient I ever met when I started my job here at the hospital. The thing is .. I am not medical, so I can't give them pain meds, and I can't help them with their treatment other than to listen to them. J's decision to stop her dialysis was a shock for most staff, other than me. I have been hearing her struggle with pain since I met her. She is a determined lady and very at peace with her world. I asked her if she had any regrets in life. She answered "my one regret is that I never got to take that skydiving class I signed up for before my mom got sick." For a woman in her 70's, if that is all that she regrets in her life, I think she is doing pretty good.

I realized today what is so hard about this experience. I feel like I am just getting to know her even though I have talked to J almost once a week for the past 3 years. And now I have to walk her out of this world. This is indeed a priviledge and also great heartache for me. I am sure I am not alone when I say that we are loosing a great soul when she finally dies. I have been truly blessed to know her.

What is it about death that makes those of us who are living to re-evaluate our priorities, and to consider what we want from our lives. When it comes down to it, life is precious and we spend a lot of it wasting our time and money on frivolous things. In the end, I hope that I will satisfied with the living of my life and regret very little as J does.

**Note** True to her word, J died the next day, peacefully in her sleep. She lived her life with no nonsense, and died as she wanted. The picture was taken the day before she died. I'm so glad I took it that day. What a way to go. I'll miss you.

Hate being Sick

I am sick. And I hate being sick. I have had a cold for the past week and I have been awake since 3 am. Ticking me off. I only went back to work on Wednesday and then I was there yesterday and now, Friday, I am not going in. What is the point? I am too tired or will be later, and I am not allowed to see patients as I am sick. Ironic. I work in healthcare and there is very little I can do at work if I am sick. No paperwork left, etc.

Being sick you get to stay home, veg on the couch, catch up on TV or read, or sleep. But I get bored after a few days. Not being able to eat doesn't help either. I suppose I could use this time to clean my apartment and continue purging my stuff. I am getting married and hence I have to move in 6 months. But I am a pack rat. I keep cutesy things, and paper. You know, the phone numbers you think you need. That article that was cool, but you've never read it. Things like that. So I have to purge things so that in 6 months, after the wedding is over, I can just throw a few things in a box and drive it over to the new place. And some days, I shake my head at all the stuff I have and wonder what I was thinking, while other days I can't imagine not keeping it. "It's still good you know." You would think that I would learn after moving around for the past 15 years. I have discovered that when you move into a place you think you don't have enough to fill it up.. okay, maybe it's just me... but when I move out, I'm appalled at the things I have accumulated.

Well I suppose I should get started on something... that or go back to bed and see if I can catch up on some sleep that I missed out on this morning.

So let's get started.. I read people's blogs, but never know what to write in mine. What to write .. how much to write.. blah blah blah. Let's start with the title of my blog. I call it "Space in between".. mostly in reference to space between my ears.. and whatever comes out of my mouth.

I work in healthcare chaplaincy or spiritual care. Most people don't even know what that is, so it hard to explain sometimes. I am like a counselor. I visit the patients in my areas, and provide "emotional and spirtual support" and man, do they have some doozies out there. Some days, the conversations are just airy.. you know about the weather, and other times, the conversation is debate about life and love. What gives that person meaning, big questions about fatalism, suffering, the meaning of it all, suffering, hope, and the Will of God. And people say they aren't religious! I think it is possible to be spiritually in tune, searching for God and your place in this Creation, but necessarily adhere to one religious tradition. Unfortunately, some people do not think about God and their lives until they are hit with some big trauma or operation where life and death are in the balance and then they start to think about their life... where they have been and where they are going. Through this, I have met some very beautiful souls.
And you never know what will come from one day to the next.

So my blog will be relate to my work and my working it all out as well as the joys and sorrows of just living my life. Hopefully this blog will not just get lost in cyberspace.