Poem - Eulogy

Eulogy

I don't want to keep planning

your eulogy,
filling my mind with details
of your impending funeral:

choosing the casket
for the viewer's sake
as we've both agreed upon
ecologically sound cremation,

our ashes to colour sunsets worldwide
and flavour all seven oceans
-- so we, earthlings,
return to our earth --

picking out the place
-- temporary for ceremony's sake --
why are they called funeral homes?
who is ever 'at home' there?
though they post 'visiting' hours,
yours or mine?

deciding on which charity
in lieu of flowers
when all that's flowering is loss,

settling a time, one final imposed date,
who will speak what music
which clothes menus for mourners?
even thank-you cards for those who grieved
-- 'paid their respects' --
commercial to the end.

Things Unsaid by Bernice Lever

This is from a poetry book that I found a few years ago at the Word on the Street Festival. Signed by the author.

Over the past few days, death has beckoned at my door. From the conversations that I have had with the individuals, they seem to be saying ....

My Cup
by Robert Friend

They tell me I am going to die
Why don't I seem to care?
My cup is full. Let it spill.

Quote of the day

God made you
as you are
in order to use you
as he planned.

S.C. McAuley

End times... 2 movies

We returned this afternoon from the theatre where we saw Legion. This is about the end of world as we know it. But with the premise that God has given up on humanity. "The first time he gave up, he sent the flood, this time he sent the angels." But one of the angels disagrees. Archangel Michael decides there is hope for humanity. So he and a small group of people end up fighting the zombied people that show up to kill a pregnant woman. The baby was Michael's assignment -- he was supposed to kill the baby, ends up protecting the mother until her child is born. Instead he ends up fighting with the angel Gabriel.

This film was quite dark with a motley mix of characters. There are moments of hope throughout, but the film was still quite dark.






We went to see 2012 two weeks ago. It is also about the end of days but with a different spin and different feel. John Cusack is the protagonist of this film. Essentially the western American coast is about to fall into the sea. While Legion is a sci-fi thriller, 2012 is more of an action flick. 2012 is based on the premise that Mayan prediction is true. The world will end in 2012. This film is about about is our priorities in life, even in times of crisis, what would we do? Would it be every man/woman for them selves? or would we have compassion and help our fellow travelers in the journey?

oddities

So a nurse told me that a patient was saying that she may as well die because nothing seemed to be working. The patient stated to her that "the Pope also had Parkinson's disease and he prayed and it didn't do him any good." to which the nurse replied that "the pope hadn't been admitted to our hospital."

Some times, it is hard to think of what to do/say to some patients as the person is so set on what they think, that there is no point to try and persuade.

Then there are some people who have an interesting sense of logic. One patient told us that since his parents were Jehovah's Witness that he would feel guilty to take a blood transfusion. The patient did not idenify with any particular religious tradition. So it was interesting that he said this. So my staff asked me to go and talk to the man and give him "a dispensation" about this situation. (It didn't fly, in case you wondered, as he was set on his idea.)

It never ceases to amaze me about the odd items that come my way in this line of work.

Excerpt from book The Spiral Garden

There is an old story about a holy man who sequestered himself in a remote mountain cave and spent his nights and days in solitude, praying, far away from humankind. Many years, he spent there, living on a meagre diet of nuts and berries, praying day and night to God. At last, worn out by time, or the privation of the body, or simply by the burden of his solitude, the hermit realizd that he was near death.">As he sat staring into the fire on what he knew to be his last night alive, God spoke to the holy man, not in whispers as would often happen in prayer, or as the man foraged for sustenance or scoured the mountaintop for firewood, but in a clear, audible voice. God said that he was pleased; that the man had fulfilled God’s wishes for him in this life, and, in return, God wished to give him a gift before he died. Whatever the man might ask for. The holy man immediately said, “Tell me the truth about this existence. Why we must struggle and be alone, even in a crowd or with those we love the most. Tell me why we might weep and why we must die.” So God told him the answer.Immediately, the man began to search for a way to record God’s words.He charred a stick in the fire and carefully began writing on large flat stones, line after line pouring forth from his memory and soul, until the night had passed and the sun had begun to rise.And at that moment, the holy man’s energy was spent.He was about to die.He looked at the stones upon which he had written the Truth of God, the greatest gift that humankind could receive.Then, with his last wanning ounce of strength, the hermit dragged the stones to the fire and pushed them in so that the heat of the coals erased the writings.What the hermit realized was that the Truth, once written down, would be read by people with different experiences and expectations, who brought to the words their own desires, ambitions and fears.Every one would understand the truth differently. The result would only bring dissension and pain. Someone once told me that Truth is like mercury.It takes a different shape according to its vessel.If we try to hold on to it, it slips through our fingers.And yet, who among us, if God offered us any gift, would not ask for that very thing? I think, in the end, I would rather have courage than uncertainty.
Prologue from The Spiral Garden by Anne Hines.
**********************************
I read this book a few years ago when I was still adapting to ministry. I loved it. I also read "the Passion of Reverend Nash" around the same time. I liked this book, Spiral Garden, because it was full of tidbits like what is written above and the tidbits can be a line.. such the following: But they are all packed with interesting points to ponder.


Abraham Joshua Heschel:
“We do not leave the shore of the known in search of adventure or suspense or because of the failure of reason to answer our questions. We sail, because our mind is like a fantastic sea shell, and when applying our ear to its lips we hear a perpetual murmur from the waves beyond the shore.”

p.200 My hero of the Celtic Church, Palagius, had an idea that, better than a priest, we all needed a "soul friend". Not someone who tells us how to make our journey, but someone who travels beside us, sharing our learning, sharing our fear. You and I have not exactly appeared to travel in step ... but we do give each other this -- we witness each other's journey.

This is probably one of the closer definitions/analogies for what pastoral/spiritual care is.

p 212 Religion is founded on the feeling of being uncomfortable. Discomfort is a gift. It's what compels us to search.There's not a person on the face of the earth, who hasn't wondered, at least for a moment "Why am I?" Not even "why am I here?" I think, but "Why am I?" That is what makes us search. Possibly it is even what makes us human. It is also what tells us there is a God, because we are born into this world knowing from our first heartbeat that there is something missing.
The question speaks to our aloneness. As if, knowing purpose, we could feel connection. I know that aloneness. I know that other too. It's what I've seen occur.. people finding an answer for themselves, by letting the truth to them in the language they can hear best.


Jung said that religion is a defense against a religious experience.

I don't know exactly what this quote means. In the context of the book, I do, but I think that this refers to the fact that some people hide behind the rituals of religion but don't really go deep into what the "religion" teaches. Religion for me, is different from faith. Faith is what you believe and how you live it out in your life. Religion is the label that people use to define what they believe. I will likely think about that one some more later.
************************

A rabbi, passing by a farmer’s field, heard a farmer singing as he worked. “Dearest God,” the man bellowed joyously, “if I could give you a radish, I’d give you the biggest radish in my garden.” The rabbi was shocked, and going over to the farmer, he admonished him, “that’s no way to address our King! Let me teach you a proper prayer so your words may be accepted by God’s ears.” So the rabbi taught the man a very formal and ancient prayer. The next week, the rabbi was passing the farmer’s field and saw the man was hard at work, but this time no sound escaped his lips.The same thing happened the next week, and the next. The farmer never sang again. Finally, the rabbi died. He arrived at the gates of heaven and was greeted by the sound of angels singing loudly, proclaiming their love and devotion to God. The angels sang, “Dearest God, if we could give you a radish, we’d give you the biggest radish in the garden.”

Praying for a Miracle... waht we want vs. what we need

Every so often, in my work, I am asked by a patient to pray for them/with them. Some times, the requests bother me because they are asking for something that can't be done. I'm not saying that miracles don't happen. Miracles exist every day. It seems to me that most people associate "miracle" with unexplained physical healing. I have heard stories from the news, and from people that I know about the unexplained disappearance of physical illness or cancer cells, and things of this nature, but I have never seen it myself.

It bothers me with some people seem to have what can be deemed , by some to be, "unrealistic hope". I have been asked to pray that God will do a miracle and restore sight, allow paralyzed people to walk, asked if someone went to heaven. I have had conversations with people who want their diseased organs to be restored, or who believe that a transplant will allow every thing to go back to how life was before they were sick...
It is hard to know what to say to some of these things. Part of the dilemma is about my understanding of prayer and the request. When I am asked to pray for healing, I do. I may not pray explicitly as the person as indicated.

My understanding about prayer is this: you don't need to pray formally, as in a formula. Prayer is like having a conversation with a good friend. Someone who cares for us, who loves us, ... in more ways than we can fathom. The second part about my understanding of prayer comes from the Lord's Prayer, the "our Father who art in heaven.... thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven". Specifically, the phrase about "thy Will". People seem to put conditions on their requests. "if you do this, I'll never ask you for anything again.. " (until another crisis hits.) or the unspoken condition which is "if you really love me, you'll do this thing for me." As I often have to remind myself, that what we want is not the same as what we need. What we want is also not the same as what God wants, or wills, for us. This line from the prayer says that it is "God's will to be done on earth as in heaven." This can only be done when our will is in line with God's will for this world. He wants us to be happy and healthy. He wants us to use what he has given, like our brain, and think about what we are doing and why.

So this is where my dilemma comes from.. when we ask for what we want and think it is something that they need. I need a car for graduation. I need that toy. Need that designer outfit, need that shiny thing. Hubby and I went to the movie "The Princess and the Frog". This is a story that didn't go as one would think. Usually in a fairy tale, boy meets girl, falls in love, woos her and they live happily ever after. Typically, the princess kisses the frog, he turns back in to a prince, and they get married and live happily ever after. In this movie, the girl kissed the prince but turned into a frog instead of getting her human-formed prince. In one scene of the movie, they are seeking a magical potion to return to human form from a shaman who lives in the middle of the New Orleans bayou. The woman instead explains that there is a difference between what you need and what you want. "Dig deep down inside and discover what you need." She kept emphasizing that they were to think about what they need. In the end, the girl realized that she was ok with not being human and focused on what she needed from her life as it was. This was her key to happiness. (This is the only way I can say it without spoiling the plot.)

So back to praying for a miracle. I believe that a miracle is found even in simple events, the mystery of life, birth is a miracle! the advances in technology, the advances in research, the good that has been done for health, longevity of our population and how it has grown in the past century.... so I asked one of my colleagues about his opinion and insight for when asked to pray for a miracle. His answer was that there are 3 answers to prayer: 1. Yes. 2. No. 3. Not yet.
Who is to say that a miracle won't happen in this person's lifetime? It may be that the persons gets the new heart or lungs in heaven? or in the next 3 years? but in the meantime, for the next three years, what is the person's plan of action to function with the illness until the miracle happens.
I prefer this approach/answer to the "unrealistic hope" situation. Rather than telling the person that their faith that God will heal them is stupid or unfounded, there are ways to guide them to accept what is. It is a fine line between nurturing faith, finding meaning in this awful place where they find themselves, and conveying the message of the medical team.
One doctor mentioned this about a patient of mine. I met the patient at her last admission, which was a long one. She is hoping for recovery of her organs. The doctor said that they will never recover and that she needs to accept this so that she can move on. What do you say to a woman who has faith that has gotten through these awful months of hell that doesn't squash her belief in God's love for us, or her faith in people? or the person who believes that their transplant is like a cure for the illness....

I prefer to say well in the meantime, what will you do to function while you are waiting for the miracle to occur. That is a better approach. This can help to address the "need" vs. "want" issue as well.

Care of Soul

I have been thinking about this blog and the original premise. It was/is a way for me to make sense out of my ministry as a healthcare chaplain. But I have given some thought to the terms "care of Soul" and what it means. Soul and Spirit, to some, are interchangable. The soul or Spirit of the individual is thought to the essence of who each person is. It is something intertwined with our personality, and is something more than just thoughts and feelings. Soul is about awareness. Philosophers have debated for millenia about what is reality and why we exist. Decartes talks about awareness of one's existence.
Care of Soul is about attending to the inner experience and being aware of Self. Often there are things about us, that bother us, that we try to ignore, things that we don't want to deal with or try to forget. I'm not saying that we need to dwell on something or pick it apart. (Therapy can be helpful but not that everything needs to become an issue.) Care of soul is about being aware of what is going on within us and noticing. "Oh, I got a little anxious when the driver did that." or "Oh, I was happy to hear that event occurred." It's more like a .. curiosity we'll say than a need to panic and examine everything inkling about life.

So at the dawn of a new decade, it is time to rethink and reassess life and its curiosities.

Vancouver Sun Article by Douglas Todd December 21, 2009

The Fraser Health Authority's decision to terminate 12 spiritual care directors is a sign it is not operating at the highest levels of medical innovation.

To put it more bluntly, the sudden firing of the spiritual care coordinators is a strong indicator that the Fraser Health Authority's leadership is living in the Jurassic Age, when dinosaurs roamed.

Fraser Health's administrators appear painfully ignorant of contemporary scientific research into healing.

They don't seem to realize that, since 2001, more than 5,000 research studies have been published showing a strong correlation between patients' spirituality and their physical and mental well-being.

But Fraser Health does not appear to respect this university research into how spirituality and religion have been shown to, among other things, reduce patients' physical and mental disease rates and the time they spend in hospitals.

Instead, Fraser Health also has been slashing what it questionably calls other "non-core" services, including social workers/counsellors, addiction programs and psychiatry for troubled youths.

There is no doubt strong pressure on rising health care costs.

But those pressures have precious little to do with non-denominational spiritual care coordinators, who used to be known as chaplains.

The high price tag for medical care has mostly to do with the ever-rising expectations of the public and the escalating cost of technology -- equipment and diagnostic testing -- as well as drugs, not to mention the often high earnings of many physicians, medical specialists and administrators.

With Fraser Health running an annual budget of $2.48 billion, it appears short-sighted to chop 12 spiritual care directors trained in supporting people with all kinds of grave illnesses.

The $650,000 the spiritual caregivers collectively earn is less than 1/4,000th of the Fraser Health's $2.48 billion annual budget, which apparently has to be trimmed by $10 million due to provincial government shortfalls.

There has been an outcry about the November firings by an unusual coalition of religious and secular leaders, according to Christoph Reiners, pastor of Peace Lutheran Church in Abbotsford.

The loose coalition includes mainline Protestants, Catholics, evangelicals, Sikhs, Hindus, Muslims, New Democratic Party MLAs and regional mayors. But the coalition has been told by Fraser Health CEO Nigel Murray not to waste their breath.

Nevertheless, Murray and his advisers would do well to catch up on the extensive scientific research outlined in the seminal book, Spirituality in Patient Care, by Dr. Harold Koenig, a Duke University psychiatrist who has arguably done more than anyone to gather academic data on the positive benefits of integrating spirituality into clinical practice.

Spirituality in Patient Care, for instance, cites a major study in the New England Journal of Medicine showing that 90 per cent of medical patients report using religion and spirituality to cope with and make sense of physical illness. Forty per cent said it's the "most important" way they do so.

Additional studies, including at Duke Medical Center, have found that people who receive spiritual or religious support are less prone to disease, and spend fewer days in hospital on average than non-religious people with the same acute or chronic conditions.

Spirituality in Patient Care also points to dozens of studies showing North Americans who feel sustained by their religious convictions and communities are inclined to live longer and suffer less from depression, anxiety, suicidal tendencies and addictions.

Despite this overwhelming data linking a vibrant spirituality with good health, Koenig is realistic enough to recognize spiritual care coordinators are not a panacea for all that ails patients.

Not every patient wants spiritual support, for instance. Sometimes, as Koenig says, religion can get in the way of healing, including patients who take an unhealthy fatalistic view that their disease is "God's will" or "Allah's will" and there's nothing they should try to do about it.

To be fair, Fraser Health is not the only unimaginative medical organization in North America cutting chaplains and others, such as social workers and counsellors, who often provide spiritual and emotional back-up to patients.

These behind-the-times medical organizations are flagrantly disregarding the recommendations of major mainstream North American-wide professional bodies, including those devoted to hospital accreditation, nursing and medical education.

All these major medical bodies, reports Spirituality in Patient Care, have gone on record urging hospitals to improve spiritual care for patients, both through the use of chaplains and by heightening the spiritual literacy of physicians, nurses and social workers.

The recent research linking spirituality with good patient care points to a win-win situation.

At a relatively low cost, the majority of patients who ask for spiritual support could receive the help they need to heal.

As well, Canadian taxpayers could in the long-run save money through reduced incidence of disease and shorter hospital stays.

dtodd@vancouversun.com

Read Douglas Todd's blog at www.vancouversun.com/thesearch

© Copyright (c) The Vancouver Sun

Cleaning my computer files again...

Our Father Who Art In Heaven.
Yes?
Don't interrupt me. I'm praying.
But -- you called ME!
Called you?
No, I didn't call you.
I'm praying.
Our Father who art in Heaven.
There -- you did it again!
Did what?
Called ME.
You said,
"Our Father who art in Heaven"
Well, here I am....
What's on your mind?
But I didn't mean anything by it.
I was, you know, just saying my prayers for the day.
I always say the Lord's Prayer.
It makes me feel good,
kind of like fulfilling a duty.
Well, all right.
Go on.
Okay, Hallowed be thy name .
Hold it right there.
What do you mean by that?
By what?
By "Hallowed be thy name"?
It means, it means . . good grief,
I don't know what it means.
How in the world should I know?
It's just a part of the prayer.
By the way, what does it mean?
It means honored, holy, wonderful.
Hey, that makes sense..
I never thought about what 'hallowed' meant before.
Thanks.
Thy Kingdom come,
Thy will be done,
on earth as it is in Heaven.
Do you really mean that?
Sure, why not?
What are you doing about it?
Doing? Why, nothing, I guess.

I just think it would be kind of neat if you got

control, of everything down here like you have up

there. We're kinda in a mess down here you know.
Yes, I know;
but, have I got control of you?
Well, I go to church.
That isn't what I asked you.
What about your bad temper?
You've really got a problem there, you know.
And then there's the way you spend

your money -- all on yourself.
And what about the kind of books you read ?
Now hold on just a minute!
Stop picking on me!
I'm just as good as some of the rest

of those People at church!

Excuse ME..
I thought you were praying
for my will to be done.
If that is to happen,
it will have to start with the ones
who are praying for it.
Like you -- for example ..
Oh, all right. I guess I do have some hang-ups.
Now that you mention it,
I could probably name some others.
So could I.
I haven't thought about it very much until now,
but I really would like to cut out some of those things.
I would like to, you know, be really free.
Good.
Now we're getting somewhere.

We'll work together -- You and ME.
I'm proud of You.
Look, Lord, if you don't mind,
I need to finish up here.
This is taking a lot longer than it usually does.
Give us this day, our daily bread.
You need to cut out the bread..
You're overweight as it is.
Hey, wait a minute! What is this?
Here I was doing my religious duty,
and all of a sudden you break in
and remind me of all my hang-ups.
Praying is a dangerous thing.
You just might get what you ask for.
Remember, you called ME -- and here I am.
It's too late to stop now.
Keep praying. ( pause . . )
Well, go on.
I'm scared to.
Scared? Of what?
I know what you'll say.
Try ME.
Forgive us our sins,

as we forgive those who sin against us.
What about Ann?
See? I knew it!
I knew you would bring her up!
Why, Lord, she's told lies about me, spread stories.
She never paid back the money she owes me.
I've sworn to get even with her!
But -- your prayer --
What about your prayer?
I didn't -- mean it..
Well, at least you're honest.
But, it's quite a load carrying around all that

bitterness and resentment isn't it?
Yes, but I'll feel better as soon as I get even with her.
Boy, have I got some plans for her.
She'll wish she had never been born.
No, you won't feel any better.
You'll feel worse.
Revenge isn't sweet.
You know how unhappy you are --
Well, I can change that.
You can? How?
Forgive Ann.
Then, I'll forgive you;
And the hate and the sin,
will be Ann's problem -- not yours.
You will have settled the problem
as far as you are concerned.
Oh, you know, you're right.
You always are.
And more than I want revenge,
I want to be right with You . . (sigh).
All right, all right . .
I forgive her.
There now!
Wonderful!
How do you feel?
Hmmmm. Well, not bad.
Not bad at all!
In fact, I feel pretty great!
You know, I don't think I'll go to bed uptight tonight.
I haven't been getting much rest, you know.
Yeah, I know.
But, you're not through with your prayer, are you?

Go on....
Oh, all right.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
Good! Good! I'll do that.
Just don't put yourself in a place
where you can be tempted.
What do you mean by that?
You know what I mean.
Yeah. I know.
Okay.
Go ahead... Finish your prayer.
For Thine is the kingdom,
and the power,
and the glory forever.
Amen.
Do you know what would bring me glory --
What would really make me happy?
No, but I'd like to know.
I want to please you now..
I've really made a mess of things..
I want to truly follow you...
I can see now how great that would be.
So, tell me . . .
How do I make you happy?
YOU just did.

I did.......

Quote

Quote from Plainviews commentator

Another resource I have found helpful, as recommended by a friend and colleague, is Mollenkott's
Omnigender (book). A seasoned chaplain at a staff chaplains' retreat yesterday stated (in relationship to a film clip and discussion about the movie Philadelphia) something like,“we as chaplains do not minister to a lifestyle but to the soul of the person, to the child of God that is created in the image of God.”

What's on my Ipod Parting Glass.. (From movie Waking Ned Devine)

All the money that e'er I had
I spent it in good company
And all the harm I've ever done
Alas, It was to none but me
And all I've done for want of wit
To memory now, I can't recall
So fill to me the parting glass
Goodnight and joy be to you all!

Fill to me the parting glass
And drink a health whate'er befalls
Then gently rise and softly call
Goodnight and joy be to you all!

Of all the comrades that e'er I had
They're sorry for my going away
And all the sweethearts that e'er I had
They'd wish me one more day to stay.
Since it fell into my lot
that I should rise, and you should not
I'll gently rise and softly call
Goodnight and joy be to you all!

But since it fell into my lot
That I should rise and you should not
I'll gently rise and softly call
Goodnight and joy be to you all!

So fill to me the parting glass
And drink a health whate'er befalls
Then gently rise and softly call
Goodnight and joy be to you all!

My first wedding

Tomorrow I will officiate at my first wedding! A patient has requested to get married. I met him today and have spoken to the bride on the phone. So today I had to learn what the process is for me to officiate. I thought that I had a registry book but apparently I didn't apply for one from Vital Statistics yet, so I've had to phone a colleague to borrow theirs. Luckily, it is in the evening so I have time to get the book.

What a way to end a weird week.

Photos from Tibetan Art

Courtesy of my colleague (ripped off of Facebook)

Tibetan Sacred Art Tour

Today, my colleagues and I went to a local church for the Tibetan Sacred Art Tour 2009 where we watched monks creating a sand mandala. I have never actually watched the process before but have seen photos. I didn't realize that they use metal funnels to place the sand. They have to be very precise in the design despite having a template. All the while, the monks were praying. Interesting process.

Article of Interest... Three Clergymen, Three Faiths, One Friendship

Fighting for the Importance of Spiritual Health

Book recommendation

Earlier this month, a colleague asked me for book recommendations to help move her spiritually. I thought about it and scoured my Goodreads listings, and thought about it some more. I asked how does she think she wants to be moved? Is she feeling dry? wanting to learn some specific area, what have you? Her response was "if you were my CPE supervisor, what you recommend for me to grow spiritually? and in my job?"

So I gave it some more thought and have come up with some books that I think are good for various reasons. I realize that some times you are enthralled with a book or show or saying because it spoke to you at a certain time for a certain situation, but when you review/re-read the book, it doesn't speak to you in the same way. The "WOW" factor is gone. But that doesn't mean that you don't get something out of the same thing.

I have been purging the house. (or trying to for the past few months, and got sidetracked by oh, a job, cooking food, going to Italy for a dream vacation, and refusing to have visitors in as it is piling up in the first floor, and now we are preparing for renos of my kitchen... let's not go there.) Anyhow, I have resumed the purging trying to do one project or room a day. Today, it was the bookcase in my bed room. I haven't counted the list, but I would say there are at least..... 50 to 70. Most are theology textbooks that I have not looked at since... graduating. In some cases, they are from theology degree #1 -- some 10 years ago. So I KNOW the rule.. if you haven't used it in 6 months... toss it!! Books are different, you do tend to reread or have sentimental attachment. Anyhow, books are going. The lists are posted on Facebook and what isn't taken by friends, will be posted on Craigslist or Freecycle, the rest will go to the book table at my church.

So the book that I had recommended to my colleague was The Passion of Reverend Nash. But that is not the one that I meant as I think I read these 2 books close in time and the plot is similar and I messed them up. I found this book at Chapters for $2. So I figured 2 bucks is 2 bucks. But it was a good 2 bucks.

Anyhow, the other book is by Anne Hines called The Spiral Garden. This is a book about a female minister who takes over a failing parish and the book is introduced this way... Moses never saw the Promised Land. King David didn't get to build the Temple. Jesus preached an unpopular message and died on the cross. Reverend Ruth Broggan thinks God has something to answer for. Unsatisfied with traditional teachings, Broggan takes a radical approach to finding the meaning of life.

(unfortunately there is no comprehensive review by others, other than this blip that seems to be on most websites but is not a reader's comment.)

So Ruth ends up in a new parish and things are going along with her ministry. She is figuring this congregation and their issues out, plus her life is a bit a of mess. (face it, ministers are humans too, we are all ministers, but yes those of us CALLED are expected to perform to a higher standard... I won't go in to that here.) Anyhow, she gets fed up with stuff and decides that she will shut her self up in the manse (her house provided by the parish/congregation) and refuse to come out until she is satisified with the answer from God about all the mess that is going on in the world. This is triggered by her involvement with a congregant's crisis that did not end well and hence Ruth felt she could have handled it better.

There well, hopefully I did not spoil the book for you. It is a good read and I hope to review it once I finish my current novel.

In purging, I have discovered a multitude of books that I bought or "found" (got for free ... from someone or somewhere) that for one reason or other I have yet to read. Either the mood struck me, but I haven't gotten around to reading it yet, or I haven't been in the mood wasn't right, or they were dull.. there are some novels that I have TRIED to read numerous times, but can't because they are dry or ... something. Reading Lolita in Tehran is one of these books, In the Middle of a Life is another such novel.... ugh. So the first, I will try again, but the second... has been put in the get rid of pile as I have had it longer than Lolita. (Also, I now remember that I had 2 copies, both free, but didn't realize that this was the case.) Another reason for the "unread" books, good intentions, what have you, is that there are SOOO many books and I have so little shelf room that in some cases the books have been stacked 3 rows deep that I haven't seen them. The shelves have been organized though. Previously I had organized them by in 2 categories, READ and TO READ. When they are read, they get moved to the left side of the book case. Further categories are novels, fuffy novels, psych books, philosophy, theology books (texts left over, but NOT so many now* singsong voice*), Fun books like my Peanuts collection, biographies, work related books with further categories of text like, or fluffy. And then the novels and books that have a spiritual theme. There are alot of these as well, due to my unconscious gravitation towards these types of books.

Some of these categories can fool you though. The definition of "spirituality" type book can be blatant like C.S. Lewis, Henri Nouwen, ... or they have under currents, subtle like the writing of Jodi Picoult, My Sister's Keeper and the current read, The Tenth Circle.

Ok, it is 11: 30 and I have updated and rambled a lot on all of my blogs. It is time for bed. But hopefully this makes up for a "dry spell' of writing that has plagued me for the past while.

Ethics as presented on TV and the realism of such dilemma

Last night, I decided to watch a new show just to see what it was about. Due to the nature of my work, in the hospital, I prefer not to watch dramas related to hospitals, like ER, Scrubs, Grey's Anatonomy. I tuned in when I saw that it was Mandy Patinkin in a guest starring role. He was FABULOUS!! The premise of the episode entitled "the Luckiest Man" is that Mandy's character, Victor, has ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease) and after a car accident, ends up in hospital on life support. His daughter is not ready to face his death while he chooses to end his life by being an organ donor. After meeting various patients, such as the video clip he decides that he wants to give his organs to other people.

The crux of the episode is about quality of life. In the end, when we are seriously ill and lucky to have time to contemplate our lives, will we be content with what we have accomplished and will we be able to say what is a "good death". As Victor put it, "I would rather go with what dignity I have left." Ironically, it is also the annual donor reunion party that day. The daughter is taken to see the party by the doctor in charge of Victor's case. The doctor actually struggled with Victor's choice because he say it as suicide versus a "good death". After a change of heart, he has a heart to heart with the daughter who explains why she is reluctant to let her father go. The episode ends with Victor being wheeled down the hall to surgery where they will disconnect the life support and remove organs. The hall is lined with family members of recipients thanking Victor for the renewed chance of life with their loved one.

I realize that organ donation is not an easy subject nor is death. I also realize that the episode is shot from the American perspective, which is has different issues or regulations than Canadian systems.

***********
I cried my eyes out especially at the end as it is touching to see this actually shown to the public. (And did I say that Mandy was fabulous!!) It is a reality that a lot of people are not ready to face. When is it time to go? and what constitutes a good death? Definitions will vary depending on what role you play. Luckily at my facility, the issues of quality of life, dignity are considered in such cases. We check with patients often to ensure that this is the right choice for them and not just what the medical team thinks it should be, and also to ensure that it is not just a "bad day" that they just want over. Because over is over. No regrets are possible afterward once the deed of death is done.

One approach to rudeness....

I opened my copy of Psychology Today earlier this afternoon and got a kick out of this article. If I hadn't been on a crowded train heading home, I would have laughed out loud at some things, and said "way to go" at others.


Two-Minute Memoir: I See Rude People

One woman's battle to beat some manners into impolite society.
By Amy Alkon, published on November 01, 2009 - last reviewed on November 04, 2009

The fortysomething woman came within inches of crashing her Volvo station wagon into my car while simultaneously trying to park with one hand and yammer into the cell phone she was holding in the other. When I beeped to keep her from swerving into me, she vigorously and repeatedly flipped me the bird (I guess to punish me for existing, and directly behind her to boot). For her grand finale, she exited her car in workout gear, toting a yoga mat, and snarled back at me, "Just off to find a little inner peace, you redheaded bitch!"

Uh, have a nice day!

An aggressive lack of consideration for others is spreading across this country like a case of crabs through a sleepaway camp, and there isn't a lot standing in the way. Although people are quick to blame rampant rudeness on advances in technology, the unfortunate truth is, rudeness is the human condition. We modern humans are a bunch of grabby, self-involved jerks, the same as generations of humans before us. It's just that there are fewer constraints on our grabby, self-involved jerkhood than ever before. We're guided by quaint Stone Age brains, suited to manage social interactions within a small tribe—yet we're living in endlessly sprawling areas that would more accurately be called "stranger-hoods" than neighborhoods.
People understand how they're supposed to act because of social norms. But every time brutes engage in some form of social thuggery, they make it that much more acceptable for somebody else to do it. Others begin to imitate their behavior unthinkingly, or feel stupid or silly for feeling some compunction about following their lead.

For most of my life, I didn't pay much attention to rudeness. And then, one day, I just couldn't take it anymore. Overnight, I was like that "I see dead people" kid, except it was "I see rude people." They were everywhere: pushing, shoving, shouting into cell phones; leaving snotted-up Kleenex in the airplane seat pocket for the next passenger. Like Peter Parker, bitten by a radioactive spider and turned into Spiderman, I was transformed.
Intervention I: The Mobile Savage

A woman in the Hollywood Hills Starbucks decided to treat all the other customers there to a command performance of her impromptu spoken-word masterwork, "The Birthday Party Invitation." She made five very loud calls—each the same as the last—giving her name (Carol), detailed directions to a kid's birthday party at her house, plus the time, plus her home phone number. I left this message on her voice mail when I got home:

Carol, Carol, Carol...the microphone on a cell phone is actually quite sensitive. There's no need to yell. You look like a nice woman. You probably didn't realize that your repeated shouting into your cell phone drove a number of people out of the coffee bar today. Beyond that, you might consider that I'm just one of about 20 people who know that you live at "555 Ferngrove Street," and that you're having a bunch of six-year-olds over at 3 p.m. on Saturday. Now, I'm just a newspaper columnist, not a pedophile, but it's kind of an unnecessary security risk you're taking, huh? Bye!
Intervention II: It's Only Free for Telemarketers to Call You Because You Have Yet to Invoice Them

Even casual acquaintances know better than to dial my number on Monday or Tuesday, when I'm on deadline for my advice column, so the shrill ring of my phone late one Monday afternoon came as a surprise.

"Hello...? Hello...? HELLO?"

Was anybody even there? Not exactly. It took a couple of seconds for the recording to start: "Hello, this is Tim Snee, vice president of Smart & Final..."

Oh, is it? Great. Because if you're phoning me at home in the middle of my deadline, there's an appropriate next line to your call, and it goes something like "...and someone's died and left you a townhouse in the center of Paris."

But that wasn't Mr. Snee's message at all. Snee, I learned, was having some difficulty keeping shelves stocked at the warehouse store Smart & Final. He wanted to let his customers know they were working to solve the problem—lest anybody defect to Costco for their 100-packs of Charmin.

Yoohoo...Mr. Snee? You autodialed the wrong girl.

Now, I know most people just sigh and hang up when they get a call like Snee's—which is why we all get calls like Snee's. My time and energy are valuable, and he'd just helped himself to both. I drafted a letter spelling out my disgust for Snee's business practices and invoicing him for $63.20, and I e-mailed it to him:

Tim,

How dare you call me at home with a recorded message? I am on the Do Not Call list, and I value my privacy. You woke me up in the middle of my nap during my deadline. Consider this an invoice for disturbing me: $63.20, which is my hourly rate for writing, since I'll probably lose at least an hour thanks to your interruption. I'll now try to go back to sleep so I can get my writing done.

I'm considering reporting you to the California Attorney General. Have a bad day.

—Amy Alkon

A few days later, I got this e-mail from Randall Oliver, Smart & Final's "director of corporate communications":

Ms. Alkon:

I am very sorry that we disturbed you close to your writing deadline. Our message was meant to provide a helpful update to our customers, not to irritate them. Nearly all of the responses we have received have been very positive.

Really? Did other customers call you up and say, "I'm so lonely, nothing makes my day like getting a recorded message smack in the middle of my afternoon nap!"?

And finally, Oliver wrote:

We value you as a customer and hope to continue to do business with you. We'd be happy to send you a check for $63.20 as requested or alternatively would be even happier to provide you a $100 Smart Card for use at Smart & Final. Please let me know which option you would prefer.

I took the $100.

As wacky as my pranks may sound to some, behind every one is the message that it isn't crazy to expect people to have manners and consideration; it's crazy when we're seen as crazy for expecting it. If we're increasingly finding ourselves residents of Meanland, it's only because we aren't doing anything to change that. We get the society we create; or rather, the society we let happen to us. I'm hoping my book, I See Rude People, will galvanize at least a few people into performing their own interventions on the rude. But if we all just make an effort to treat strangers like they matter, maybe they'll be inspired to treat us like we matter, and maybe, just maybe, life won't feel quite so much like one long wrestling smackdown.

Excerpted from I See Rude People: One Woman's Battle to Beat Some Manners into Impolite Society by Amy Alkon (Nov. 27, 2009, McGraw-Hill)