Nouwen and the Birds...

Excerpt from "Seeds of Hope: A Nouwen Reader". Chapter entitled "Celebrating Humanness"


the Birds and I Genesse Abbey, June 13, 1974

This morning, Father John explained to me that the killdeer is a bird that fools you by simulating injury to pull attention away from her eggs which she lays openly on a sandy place. Beautiful! Neurosis as a weapon! How often I have asked pity for an unreal problem in order to pull people's attention away from what I didn't want them to see.

Sometimes it seems that every bird has institutionalized every one of my defense mechanisms. The cowbird lays her eggs in some other bird's nest to let them do the brooding job, the Baltimore oriole imitates the sound of more dangerous birds to keep the enemies away, and the redwing blackbird keeps screaming so loud over head that you get tired of her noise and soon leave the area that she considers hers. It does not take long to realize that I do all of that and a lot more to protect myself or to get my own will done. Genesse Diary

I find this to be an interesting commentary on people and the defense mechanisms we use. Often we want something done, but we aren't willing to do the work to get there. Or in the case of some patients I have met, they do not or are not able to take responsibility for their own actions. The illness is the result of someone or something else. That may be true, but in the meantime, this is where we are... let's work with that. Blaming someone else for our problems and trying to figure out why or how, sometimes this doesn't help us at all. We end up wallowing in our own misery and at times, this exasperates the situation (and the other people around who are trying to help.) I have a few patients who are "labelled" (for lack of a better word) as "non compliant". This means that they have come to our hospital saying "I need help. Please help me to fix this issue." But when told a treatment plan or when the "plan" doesn't fit their criteria, they don't follow the "prescription". They want help, but not in the way that we have to offer it. Very frustrating at times.

The complication is that often the non-compliance is a result of denial or non-acceptance of the situation that they are in. True. Some times we will wallow in our misery and pain. True, sometimes this is warranted. However in the case of a health issue, this may not be good. Rather time is not always afforded to allow the person to process at their speed.


This afternoon, I was talking to 2 family members of a "new" patient. *New to me* One I had met a few times before, and so we had a good rapport. They had worked in the health care field and hence had some understanding of the kind of issues that occur from non-compliance. The other person, I had only met this afternoon. They didn't come to the hospital very much as per the non-compliance being a large part of a relationship dynamic causing frustration and burnout for this individual. They mentioned that when the patient smartens up (my words) and gets a transplant then maybe they will stop whining about their problems and life will go back to the way it was. The health care knowledgeable family and I explained this person that getting a transplant is not like waving a magic wand. Instead, it is a means to living longer (temporarily) just as certain medications and treatments were. Kidney disease can be chronic, and when it is, it can be considered terminal at times. Freud said that from the moment we are born, we begin to die. This is a fact that we all must face, just some people must face it sooner. That can be a factor of the non-compliance. They aren't ready to consider death as a possibility. It would likely overwhelm and cause depression. "Why bother to live for today if I might die tomorrow?" But then we might all think that eh?

The birds and their "defense" mechanisms. Sometimes, people use these defense strategies so that people don't see the thing the birds are trying to hide. Sometime we people are the birds. We are trying to distract our fellow cronies from seeing the flaws, our perceived failures, and other times, we are trying to distract ourselves from seeing our own flaws and perceived failures. It is too overwhelming at times. Sometimes these "defense mechanisms" are warranted, but to persist too long can damage our emotional and spiritual health.

Magnetic Poetry

A few months ago, I bought a magnetic poetry kit for something silly in the office. I put a few of the words on the fridge in our staff room and added to it as time went on. Today I finished putting all of the words on there. This is what it looks like at present. Every so often I mess it up and people start all over. The person who wrote the "sometimes I wonder if there is a puppy in all this fluff" complained that the workds were limiting as his comment was "do you think that I wanted to ask if there was a puppy in fluff?"

Conversation in my staff/lunch room the other day

Male colleague addressing 3 of us in the lunch room.

"Why can't men wear shorts here at work?"

(Pause) No seemed to be saying anything and I was in a quirky mood.

Me: "Because some men have chicken legs and no one wants to see that."

Him: " But women wear skirts here."
Me: "Yes but they also tend to shave their legs." (Pause) "Mind you, there are some women who shouldn't wear short skirts either."

And then the conversation with the other 2 men present involved suggestions of wearing kilts... and I left it alone.

Headline #3 of the Day

Dad denied bereavement leave after baby's death

Gerry Bellett, Vancovuer Sun, Thursday July 3

ertz Canada Ltd. has failed to persuade the B.C. Human Rights Tribunal to dismiss a complaint by an employee who claims he was denied bereavement leave from his job at Vancouver International Airport to deal with the death of his prematurely born daughter.

The car rental company is also being sued by the employee, Ali Mahdi, for religious discrimination by deducting pay for the time he spends praying each day to practise his Muslim faith.

Hertz applied to have both complaints dismissed by the tribunal, but member Tonie Beharrell said the company didn't provide grounds to show why either complaint shouldn't be considered.

According to Mahdi, his wife gave birth to a baby girl at 21 weeks of gestation in March, 2007, but the baby died the same day.

When he asked for bereavement leave, he was told he was ineligible because the child was stillborn and would have had to live longer than 24 hours for him to receive a leave.

Beharrell said there was a dispute between the parties over whether the child was stillborn or had survived birth only to die later.

The company had argued that a stillborn child "is not a child for the purposes of bereavement leave," so Mahdi was not granted leave.

As for the claims of religious discrimination, Mahdi is required to pray five times a day at times that vary during the year and which sometimes require him to pray while at work.

While the parties disagreed about how much time Mahdi spends at prayer while at work, they agreed that the punch-clock indicates he takes four minutes a day.

Accordingly, the company has been deducting 20 minutes pay per week from Mahdi's wages.

The company claims it has accommodated his need to pray and that it would constitute undue hardship to have to pay him for time not spent working.

Mahdi argued that other employees absent from work for similar periods were not docked pay.

Beharrell ruled that the dispute would go before the tribunal to be settled.

I pointed this article out to a colleague. He and I agreed that grief is grief regardless of whether this was a still born or whether the baby lived a few hours before death. The end result is a loss for both the mother and father. Grief isn't always about physical death, but in this case it was also the death of a dream and the hopes and plans that these parents had. My colleague and I talked about the seeming injustice presented in the article in that the company refused to acknowledge this man's grief. Despite the fact that the child did not live long enough to form a bond with the parents, there was still a relationship that was lost. This is to be acknowledged.

This article also screams injustice at punishing a man for practicing his faith on "company time". All employees are entitled to breaks, paid or not.

More Headlines..

Academic freedom and assisted suicide

This instructor wants to witness assisted suicide for his research. A fight is brewing over his right to do that.

Douglas Todd, Vancouver Sun, Thursday, July 3, 2008

Canada's university professors are preparing to defend the right of a Metro Vancouver researcher to witness illegal assisted suicides in the name of increasing understanding of the right-to-die movement.

The Canadian Association of University Teachers (CAUT) has formed a high-level committee to investigate claims that Kwantlen Polytechnic University sociologist Russel Ogden was unjustly denied the chance to research new techniques for assisted suicide.

"In the face of it, it looks as if there has been a violation of academic freedom," James Turk, executive director of the CAUT, said Wednesday in an interview from Ottawa.

The CAUT has formed what Turk call a "blue-ribbon committee" to look into why the Kwantlen administration is effectively blocking Ogden from researching assisted suicides, even after the university-college's ethics committee approved his research three years ago.

For more than 14 years, Ogden has engaged in controversial and ground-breaking research into scores of underground assisted suicides (often known as "Nu Tech deathing") by people dealing with AIDS, cancer and other terminal illnesses.

Ogden has frequently run into opposition from university administrators who fear their institutions could wind up in trouble for allowing him to possibly skirt the edges of the law.

In 2003, Ogden was awarded $143,000 in damages after it was determined that Britain's Exeter University had illicitly backed out of an agreement to protect the identities of scores of people Ogden found had taken part in illegal assisted suicides.

More recently, Ogden has discovered that more than 19 British Columbians have committed suicide through an increasingly widespread technique known as "helium in a bag."

Helium is seen as a swift, highly lethal and painless way to die without involving physicians or drugs. Helium is also nearly undetectable in toxicological probes.

The latest confrontation over Ogden's pioneering research techniques has arisen at the same time that assisted suicide has become big news in Washington state. Former Democratic governor Booth Gardner, who struggles with Parkinson's disease, is campaigning for a November ballot initiative on doctor-assisted euthanasia, which will go ahead if state supporters gather 225,000 signatures by today.

However, the CAUT worries that Ogden is being blocked from continuing legitimate research into the right-to-die movement by Kwantlen officials.

Despite receiving earlier ethics board approval, Ogden has since been told by Kwantlen's administration he cannot "engage in any illegal activity, including attending at an assisted death," says a CAUT letter written by Turk, which was addressed to eight academics and administrators. A copy was obtained by The Vancouver Sun.

Neither Ogden nor Kwantlen officials were available for comment Wednesday.

The CAUT's Turk maintains that, although assisted suicide is illegal in Canada (unlike in the state of Oregon, as well as the countries of Switzerland, Belgium and the Netherlands), it is neither illegal to commit suicide nor against the law to witness an assisted death in this country.

"Witnessing an illegal act, such as a husband murdering his wife, is not illegal behaviour on your part," Turk said.

Therefore, Turk said, it would not be illegal for Ogden to witness an assisted suicide, since he would be neither discouraging nor encouraging it.

It's important, Turk said, for academic researchers to be given the freedom to try to "understand politically unpopular behaviour." Even while a Canwest poll last year showed three-quarters of Canadians approve of assisted suicide, compared to 48 per cent of Americans, Turk said researchers like Ogden are being held back by university administrators "who might think the [federal] government is going to get mad at them."

The high-level CAUT committee that will review Ogden's case and issue its findings in a few months includes Kevin Haggerty, a sociologist at the University of Alberta; John McLaren, professor emeritus of law at the University of Victoria; and Lorraine Weir, an English professor at the University of B.C.

dtodd@png.canwest.com

© The Vancouver Sun 2008

The subject of euthanasia or assisted suicide is rift with controversy. The two sides would basically be Side one: All life is sacred. No one has the right to take the life of another regardless of the situation. All life is worthwhile, no one but G_d can determine its end. (This is usually backed by theological argument such as 10 commandments such as "thou shalt not kill" and others.)

Side 2 looks at the "right to choose" and is related to the experience of suffering, and the definition of "quality of life". Watching someone who is ill, who has constant pain and is able to do little more than lie in bed, may be alive by the aid of machines -- the definition of "quality of life" is subjective to the individual's experience. I had seen both sides as part of my work in health care chaplaincy. I have seen the family called to the bedside and told that this would be it, only to see the miracle of the patient to rally and continue living months or years more. I have also seen patients who are able to do little more than lie in bed, dependent on painkillers and oxygen or a machine to survive. Working in renal, I have even had discussions with patients who decide to cease treatment for their kidney failure. Often they have told me that it is the pain, the decline in their health, and the cessation of their perceived quality of life. After making this decision, and going to 'comfort care only" (meaning pain control but no 'heroic measures such as CPR or tube feed') I have met with patients who continue to survive for days or weeks. Some have asked 'why can't I die? When will this end?' I once told a man that I didn't know. (Often patients 'declare themselves', meaning they stop being aware of the world and their systems start to shut down. The body doesn't need or take in food or drink, their responses cease, and they begin the process of detaching from the world as they start the journey towards death.) I told the man that perhaps he wasn't done yet, that there might be something he was still to accomplish. I asked him to consider if he had unfinished business, if he still had a lesson to learn, or perhaps that he was to teach us something. This was not something he had considered...

The choice to live or die... not an easy one to make.

In the same paper, I found an article decrying the choice to award an Order of Canada to Dr. Morgentaler. Dr. Henry Morgentaler is best known for performing abortions illegally.

"Morgentaler is known for almost single-handedly pushing abortion rights on to the national agenda when he opened an illegal abortion clinic in Montreal in 1969. At one point, he was jailed for 10 months when a lower court acquittal was overturned on appeal.

The issue culminated in a landmark ruling in January 1988, in which the Supreme Court struck down anti-abortion provisions of the Criminal Code on the grounds they violate a woman's constitutional right to "security of person." "Cassandra Drudi, Canwest News Service; With files from The Journal, National Post and Montreal Gazette Published: Wednesday, July 02

One side of the debate argues that giving him the order of Canada has been a long time in coming. He has fought for the rights of many women who had little or choice regarding unwanted pregnancies. The other side of the debate claims that he has chosen to act against morality, to "kill" or take a human life by aborting pregnancies.

It is easy to take sides when hearing a story. But it is difficult to know what we would want when it is our situation. I wonder how many people surprise themselves by chosing something that they swore they would never do. I remember when I used think more "black and white/right and wrong", in a box. People who smoked were bad, people who drank were bad, people who got divorced were wrong. In practicing theological reflection in my everyday work, I have changed some of my theology in the 17 years since I first started my theological training. I now think that divorce is not a "sin", but hope that it is the last resort. I would rather see 2 happy people apart, then 2 (or more as children and other family members are affected) unhappy people together. I would rather people learn to relate to one another and try to have dialogue rather than discriminate due to a difference of opinion about how to live, or what to think. I would rather see people who are able to respect the beliefs and customs of others, and in turn have their traditions respected and maybe enhanced due to the openness towards those things that are new, or "different" (i.e. weird, or not like us). I would rather see love, real love (not sexual but agape

In my work, it is my task as a chaplain to "come along side", to walk with the person in their journey as a support for them in their times of health and/or other difficulties. To remind them by my presence that God is present in the midst of their struggles and seeming chaos and that S/He does care. To do this, I provide a listening ear with no judgment about their choices. this is not always easy. I might personally think one thing, but do not express this to the person, as I do not know the life experiences and perspective that leads to this choice or stage of their living. The goal is to help them make choices that will honor the person that they are, to enhance their life experience, to meet the "person" that they are -- that God knows them to be. I really don't know until it is my situation and my story.

"The Debate"

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal: he'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave.The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise rabbi to represent them in the debate. However, as the rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Yiddish, they agreed that it would be a 'silent' debate.

On the chosen day the Pope and rabbi sat opposite each other.The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.The rabbi looked back and raised one finger.Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head.The rabbi pointed to the ground where he sat.The Pope brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine.The rabbi pulled out an apple.With that, the Pope stood up and declared himself beaten and said that the rabbi was too clever. The Jews could stay in Italy.

Later the cardinals met with the Pope and asked him what had happened.The Pope said, 'First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up a single finger to remind me there is still only one God common to both our beliefs. Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all around us. The rabbi responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us of all our sins, and the rabbi pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin. He bested me at every move and I could not continue.'

Meanwhile, the Jewish community gathered to ask the rabbi how he'd won.
'I haven't a clue,' said the rabbi. 'First, he told me that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him the finger. Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews and I told him that we were staying right here. 'And then what?' asked a woman.'Who knows?' said the rabbi. 'He took out his lunch so I took out mine.'

Irony is...

Irony is stress caused by misplacing a book called " Stress, Loss and Grief".

I did find it, but after an exhaustive search in the "piles" on my desk...

"Spoon Theory"

I have been cleaning off my desk and have found some interesting items that I meant-to-do-something-with-that-later but obviously didn't get to it.

My friend sent me a website link to the Spoon theory story. This talks about people who are ill, in particular, have Lupus, and helping someone "healthy" to understand the experience of chronic illness.

Good news item

http://vancouver.24hrs.ca/News/2008/06/17/5899661-sun.html

This is a feel good story. Some would say a miracle. Gives you faith in humanity again.

Giving binners a good name By LUCY GOTELL, 24 HOURS
As an out-of-work actress, Vanessa Burns doesn't have a lot of extra cash. But she's willing to spare some for the man who did her a good deed when she was at her lowest - if she can find him.
After going out with some friends last weekend, Vanessa - who left her home in Toronto three months ago to find work here in Vancouver - woke up Sunday to find her wallet missing.
"I was devastated. I was really upset because I really missed my husband at home and my family," said Burns. "When that happened, it just really made me homesick."
Distraught, Vanessa called her credit-card company and was told someone had charged a cab fare to her Visa.
A few hours later, though, Vanessa heard from an old roommate who said she'd received a phone call from a woman who had Vanessa's wallet.
"What happened was, when [the woman] was taking out her garbage yesterday morning, there was a homeless man who had found my wallet by the garbage and just said, 'Here, I found this, can you take it?'" Vanessa said.
Vanessa picked up her wallet later that day, and was shocked to find that, apart from her credit cards, all of her belongings were still inside.
"My health card, my SIN card, my bus pass ... this guy could have sold these things I'm sure, but he didn't," said Vanessa. "It's amazing to me that the person who initially used my credit card is probably the guy who has a decent apartment, a decent job and just wanted to have somebody else pay for his cab fare. But the guy who has nothing ... is the one who returned it."
Before Vanessa returns to Toronto she would like to meet the man who acted so selflessly.
"I feel like I'm very lucky and I just want to say thank you. Even if it's just buying him a decent meal I would love to do that."

Paraskevidekatriaphobia

paraskevidekatriaphobia Quite the word eh?
From a 2007 article in the Vancouver Sun,

No, it's not a fear of long words -- it means being afraid of Friday the 13th

Nicholas Read
Vancouver Sun
Friday, April 13, 2007

It's a word we in the media like to trot out today: paraskevidekatriaphobia [pronounced pair-uh-skee-vee-dek-uh-tree-uh-FOH-bee-uh] -- the excessive, and sometimes morbid fear of Friday the 13th.
We like it, first, because it's such an impressive-sounding word -- it takes some doing to make all those syllables trip elegantly off the tongue -- and second, because irrational though the fear of a calendar date might sound, it is a bona fide phobia nonetheless, just like ablutophobia, the fear of washing or bathing, lachanophobia, the fear of vegetables, and soceraphobia, the fear of one's parents-in-law.
However, because "irrational" is a word that implies judgment, it's not a word used by professionals who treat phobias. (Especially, they add, given that some phobias can make sense. Think, for example, how valuable a fear of snakes and scorpions was in hunter/gatherer times when one misplaced step could mean death.) What matters to them is whether the phobia, rational or not, impedes the sufferer's ability to live normally.
"If someone is afraid of snakes, and he lives in Ireland where there are no snakes, it's not very serious," says Dr. Mark Watling, a psychiatrist and author, with psychologist Martin Antony, of the book, Overcoming Medical Phobias: How to Conquer Fear of Blood, Needles, Doctors and Dentists. But if you're a diabetic with a debilitating fear of needles, you're in trouble. You're not alone.
Watling, who practises out of the Anxiety Treatment and Research Centre in Hamilton, estimates as many as 13 per cent of people have, to some extent, a fear of things medical.
Sometimes that fear will be so pronounced it will result in panic attacks, and for people with a serious medical condition, that, literally, could be a matter of life and death.
"Certainly there are people who are so afraid of needles that they will put off getting blood work that needs to be done," Watling said in an interview. "But it's when they reach a point like that in their lives that they come to our clinic."
Why such phobias develop is a matter of debate. Genetics is sometimes thought to be partly responsible -- think of those atavistic fears of snakes and spiders -- though it's not clear how much of a fear is inherited and how much is learned. More likely most phobias are born of accidentally associating something otherwise benign with something unpleasant.
Maybe, says Watling, a person's first immunization was terribly painful. Or maybe a person's parents are afraid of needles, so the fear will be exaggerated in the child. It's really hard to say, he adds. No one can draw a definitive conclusion.
Certainly Julianne Lee, a kindergarten teacher in south Surrey, has no explanation for her fear of rats and mice; she just knows she's terrified of them.
"It started when I was 12," she says. "I went blackberry picking in Steveston in Richmond and I stepped on a piece of wood and out came this rodent. I think it was a rat or a mouse. And as soon as I saw it, I remember not being able to breathe, and screaming and screaming like the world was closing in."
And she still feels that way to this day.
If one of her three children ever were to bring home a rat or mouse, she doesn't know what she'd do.
"If they ever touched a mouse or a rat, I think I would be hysterical," she says.
If she were invited to dinner at the home of someone who kept a mouse as a pet, she wouldn't go. She'd never stay in a youth hostel because in her mind they're breeding grounds for mice, and she won't ever set foot in Stanley Park's petting zoo. Never.
"I'd rather be in a room with 10 snakes than one mouse," is how she puts it.
Curiously, when Jerilyn Ross, now a clinical social worker in Washington, D.C. and the CEO of the Anxiety Disorders Association of America, developed her fear of heights, it was on one of the most magical nights of her life.
She was in her 20s, in Salzburg during the Mozart Festival, and she was dancing "with a Prince Charming" on a verandah overlooking the city, which that night was bathed in a kind of fairytale glow.
"I remember dancing and thinking 'what an extraordinary night'," she recalls 30 years later. "And then all of a sudden out of the blue I had this sensation that something would happen to me -- that I was going to be pulled over the edge or pushed over or something."
Perhaps, she now says with the cool clarity of someone who's studied phobias, it was the extreme emotional intensity of the experience -- the twinkling lights, the glorious music, the handsome partner -- that triggered what would become an affliction lasting years. She can't honestly say.
What she can say is that for almost four years, before she finally sought help for it, it affected every aspect of her life. It prevented her from seeking a better job -- she was afraid the interviews might take place in a skyscraper (a good bet since she lived in New York) -- and accepting all kinds of invitations for the same reason.
"My fear was that I was going to lose control -- to run to a window and do something crazy. Since then I've learned it was a misfiring of my body's fight-or-flight response."
What saved her -- indeed what saves most people affected by a phobia, regardless of its genesis -- is something called exposure therapy, a kind of psychological immunization that, like using allergens to treat allergies, uses the very thing the person is afraid of to help him or her get over it. In other words, to face one's fear head-on, but in a gradual, controlled and above all, safe environment.
For Ross, that meant going with her therapist to the sixth floor of a building one week, to the seventh the next, and to the eighth the week after that. Each time she would be afraid, she recalls, but each time -- with time -- she would learn to manage and control that fear and move on it from it.
It took months of practice, but she finally beat the phobia altogether. Recently, she and her husband bought a condo in Florida with floor-to-ceiling windows on the 16th floor.
What's important, says Steve Taylor, a psychologist practising out of the University of B.C.'s psychiatry department, is that the therapy be done slowly, methodically and preferably under the care of someone who really knows what he's doing.
"You can try it to do it on your own," he says, "but it's best to do it gradually. Too often people with phobias will try and push themselves too hard."
No matter the source of the phobia -- rats, cats, dinner conversation (deipnophobia), music (melophobia), or the colour purple (porphyrophobia) -- the idea is to expose the sufferer to it steadily and gradually to the point that eventually the phobia is all but wiped out or at least endurable.
For example, while he was still practising in Australia, Taylor once had a patient so afraid of spiders that simply seeing a picture of a dot with eight radiating strokes around it caused her panic. But at the end of a course of exposure therapy, she was a different woman -- "going out and catching them in a jar and then having them run across the floor in front of her," Taylor recalls.
For cases of certain kinds of social phobias -- that is, the fear of being in situations where one is under the scrutiny of others -- dating, job interviews and suchlike -- sometimes the same kinds of drugs used to treat depression will be used to treat the phobia, he says.
"Nobody knows for sure why they work," he adds, "but serotonin is thought to play a role in regulating emotions, and it's thought that somehow this neurotransmitter is de-regulated in people who develop a social phobia."
Sometimes, says Watling, something called "flooding" is tried as well. "This is exposing you to your worst-case scenario right off the bat," he explains.
In other words, this would involve, say, placing someone with a fear of cats in a crowded cat shelter. Needless to say, it's a drastic measure that is never prescribed lightly.
"It can be effective sometimes," Watling says, "but it's not effective if you scare the person out of ever having treatment again."
That's why for most people, he, Taylor and Ross concur, a gradual introduction to whatever it is that's prompting the fear is the best way.
In fact, for about 95 per cent of people who seek relief from their phobias, that kind of easy-as-you-go approach will do the trick."The exposures are designed to induce a manageable amount of anxiety -- nothing is supposed to be a surprise," Watling said.

If I had my life to live over

Found this in my collection of various "inspirational" items.....

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER
- by Erma Bombeck
(Written after she found out she was dying from cancer).

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.


I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.


I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.


I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.


I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.


I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.


I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.


I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.


Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.


When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, 'Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.' There would have been more 'I love you's'; more 'I'm sorry's.'


But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute... look at it and really see it ... live it and never give it back. STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!!!


Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what!


Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us.

God needs an image makeover... article

This is an interesting article I found in a newspaper.

The many names (and images) of god

Douglas Todd

Vancouver Sun

Saturday, May 31, 2008

God needs an image makeover -- and there's no better place to start than with God's name.

Whenever someone mentions "God" in Canada, conversations crash to a halt. Everyone gets nervous. And it's not just from Canadian politeness.

It's because most people mistakenly think they know what the other is talking about when they say "God." Typically, they assume the "God" in question is a stern, patriarchal monarch in the sky.

Most Canadians, whether they consider themselves religious or not, seem stuck with the limited picture of God they had when they were early teenagers dropping out of church, synagogue, mosque or temple.

However, the concept of "God" is endlessly complex and nuanced and divinity deserves a more thoughtful name, or names.

"God" is an exaggerrated version of words such as "love," "truth," "spirituality" and "post-modern;" that is, "God" is a rich and contentious word, laden with multiple meanings.

We need to use fresher names for God. Just as people change their names to highlight different aspects of themselves -- such as when hard-driving "Priscilla" becomes more masculine "Kerry" or aboriginal "Jim George" becomes "Thundercloud" -- different names for "God" highlight different divine identities.

Through history there have been hundreds of names for "God."

Some half-decent contemporary names are "the divine," "spirit," "the holy," "the one," "the transcendent" and "the sacred" (all of which can be capitalized, depending on preference.)

The process of rebranding "God" brings to mind how Muslims long ago developed 99 "beautiful" names for "God" (or "Allah" (in Arabic) to capture the full glory and wonder of the transcendent.

I'd guess many Canadians stereotype Muslims as thinking about God mainly as a tough, vengeful dictator. But some of the 99 names for God include "The Compassionate," "The Pardoner," "The Majestic," "The Bountiful," "The Watchful," "The Wise," "The Giver of Life," "The Hidden," "The Unifier" and "The Light."

Jews have found a good way to deal with the unfortunate misunderstandings that can come from the name, "God:" Many choose simply not to use the word. Instead, they'll write "G-d."

This is a useful and humble approach, which reminds me of how U.S. geochemist Rustom Roy called for the complete eradication of the word God. He suggested integrating science and religion and replacing the word God with ****, which to him denotes the "cloud of essence."

At the same time, Jews also developed dozens of names for God in the Hebrew Bible (which Christians know as the Old Testament), including "Adonai," "Elohim," "El Shaddai" and, intriguingly, "I am what I am becoming."

In medieval times some Jews cleverly called God "The Seven," combining seven titles for the deity in one.

Although the Catholic and Protestant churches have for centuries tended to stress "Lord," "Almighty" and "Father" as names for God, Jesus and his followers adopted many others.

Influenced by Jewish and Greek tradition, their names for God included "Creator," "the Mountain," "Abba (daddy)," "the Word," "Logos," "Yahweh," "Sophia" and "the Light." Many Christians have recently been referring to God as "Redeemer" and "Sustainer."

As for Hindus, many name the supreme cosmic spirit as "Brahman." Others highlight personal manifestations of God in "Vishnu" or "Krishna."

Sikhs may speak of God as "Akal Purakh," meaning timeless primal being. In Chinese folk religion, God is often referred to as "Zhu" (Lord in Heaven) or "Shen" (spirit). Taoists talk about the ultimate as "the Tao" or "The Way."

Even Buddhists have something to say about divinity. Although most Theravadan Buddhists do not believe in a Creator, many Pure Land Buddhists give "Amithaba" eternal powers similar to those ascribed to God.

In the book, Philosophers Speak of God, edited by Charles Hartshorne and William Reese, philosophers reveal some of their many names for divinity -- including "elan vital (life force)," "the call forward," "divine intelligence," "the lure" and the "ordering principle."

All of which goes to show the name "God" is never to be taken for granted.

Next time someone drops the name into a conversation, pro or con, ask them which "God" they're talking about.

And don't let them off the hook by allowing them to argue "no one should try to define God because the transcendent is beyond full comprehension."

While it's true defining "God" will always be elusive and unprovable, it's a cop-out to not take a stab at it -- perhaps especially when someone is trying to reject belief in "God."

Asking people what they mean when they say "God" will put them on the spot and make them think, which is usually a good thing.

What's in a name? When it comes to "God," quite a lot.

To reach Douglas Todd, go to this blog at www.vancouversun.com/blogs

Bad Death

From Plainviews a journal about pastoral care and practice within Canada.

Bad Death

I could have done without the juicy comments about your sex lives.
Please know that it has nothing to do with my role as chaplain.
On the other hand I liked seeing the greeting on your door:
“Religious people go away!” each time I arrived.

Looking at life through your grey-colored glasses
required all I had to give
And little of what I was trained to provide.
I was always on notice, on borrowed time, on Holy Ground.

You see I’m called to be with people I wouldn’t invite to dinner;
It’s my job to just show up for a conversation.
So we talked nothing of religion but lots culture:
New York, Cape Cod, Las Vegas, security detail and prize fights you worked,
anything but the estrangement you felt so deep in your bones.
You wanted it to end, and cleverly.

After my visits I smelled like a tavern.
It took a plentiful misting of Febreze
and a night hanging outside
to put my clothes right.
Residue of my time with you came out of pants and shirts
but not out of my mind and spirit.

You smoked like a machine, and smoked near one, too.
We both knew that it was reckless; O2 and white ash don’t mix.
Now your memory is part of me
Your burning house and then your legitimate cremation
Refining fires for my ministry of understanding.

Who would have thought final healing would cost so much?
Neither Saul nor Judas had it in them to choose ice or fire
But your goal may have been the same,
to end despair and sadness, the tragic cargo which can erode any
but the most stubborn embrace of gratitude, faith, hope.

I confess now that I wanted for you
a kind of reformation called “good” death
I may have let you down.
Sorry for getting religious.

Recently I had one of the toughest pastoral encounters of my ministry: the disturbing death of an at-home hospice patient. I’ve worked as a chaplain in many settings including an inner city ER, an industrial workplace and pediatric oncology. After this death, however, I found myself challenged by a series of feelings: distress, guilt, failure, and also longing.

I’d met with the hospice patient in his home for six months. “Mike” was outspoken in his distaste for religion and the people who speak of it. Nonetheless, he let me “in the door,” both literally and figuratively; our contact was weekly for the last six weeks before he died. He was an intriguing personality and younger than most hospice patients. More complex, too! Time with Mike was different than with many of the more routine patients on my census. He was a challenge to engage but over time we built trust. I looked forward to seeing him then and long to see him since his death. I wonder about Mike’s choices, his pain, and now, his peace. Whether his was an intentional or accidental death is very much a question in my mind. That is what prompts my feelings of distress, guilt, and failure. I think Mike’s was a “bad” death, but I am still processing this conclusion.

I want to know more about “bad” death. What is it exactly? Are there certain key components? Is there more than one kind of bad death (other than those ending in “cide”) and most importantly, what makes us think that our definition is accurate? Might the dying person (should he or she be able to tell us) have another view? The above poem was my attempt to get to the heart of my feelings on the matter. I am still unpacking the event and its poetic record. I want to balance my bias with some of the genuine affection and self-definition that were clearly part of our encounters.

I had an investment in promoting Mike’s “good” death. It wasn’t apparent just how much investment until after the fact. I hold out hope for and try to promote the best deaths that my patients and their circumstances allow. This is hardly unique; what’s more most of us have thought about what constitutes a “good” death. One of my colleagues speaks of a dying whereby a person leaves this world “at peace and in love.”[1] Hospice stresses the engagement of “the four things that matter most”[2] or a patient’s display of “final gifts”[3] as indicators of a better death. Recently I heard an artist who creates portraits of the dying refer to death as “the final healing.”[4] I like that. I hope I can muster such self-perception as I take my last breaths. But what constitutes a good death isn’t what interests me just now.

I’d be interested in hearing from my professional colleagues about their take on a so-called “bad”death. I’d like to put the following questions to PlainViews readers: If you have witnessed a “bad” death what did it look like and how did it leave you feeling? How clear are you in your distinctions of “bad” and “good” deaths? What are your projections and judgments, be they doctrinal, cultural or political? I look forward to your feedback as is convenient and HIPPA appropriate.

Footnotes:

[1] This phrase is courtesy of my friend and colleague, Tim Ledbetter, D. Min, BCC.

[2] Byock, Ira, The Four Things that Matter Most, proposes four areas of engagement between a patient and her/his loved ones that might ensure a good death: forgiveness (I forgive you, do you forgive me?), gratitude (thank you), affection (I love you) and farewell (good-bye)

[3] Callahan, Maggie and Kelley, Patricia, Final Gifts: Understanding the Special Awareness, Needs and Communications of the Dying, suggests that a host of psychological, physical and metaphysical traits are exhibited by terminally ill patients in the weeks and days preceding death. While neither “good” or “bad” in nature these traits together constitute a “near death awareness,” (NDA) and perhaps a more predictable, less frightening death. (see www.bookrags.com/studyguide-final-gifts/)

---

Rev. Kirk M. Ruehl, BCC, is a chaplain with Hospice at the Chaplaincy in Kennewick, WA, where he has served for five years. Prior to this he was a chaplain at Deaconess Medical Center in Spokane, WA; Seamen's Church Institute in Port Newark, NJ and Eger Health Care Center in Staten Island, NY. He has a wife and two boys, enjoys poetry and hiking around the Northwest with the Boy Scouts.

I've always wondered....

Pastoral Care at it's best?

A key element of pastoral care is to "hear" what someone is saying.. that obviously didn't happen here. But then I suppose there are some days or situations when the focus is not there.

"No one dies from having their medication stopped"

This is a comment overheard at rounds the other day. One doctor was counseling another about stopping a certian medication and then explained that during his rotation of training in England, that the chief doctor would get a referal and would review the chart and then immediately stop all medications. He would then say "let's come back tomorrow and see how they are doing". Usually the person was better the next day. The doctor went on to comment to the other that here in North America, we are fixated on medications. "When you call geriatrician over there, they stop meds, here they review the chart and probably add another one."

I wonder about this. Interesting comment that it is. There are some patients that benefit from certain drugs treatments but most would probably do fine without. Years ago, we didn't do so much treatment with drugs, (of course someone might argue that years ago, we didn't have the diseases that we do now.)

I thought it was an interesting comment on the evolution of healthcare.

Cracked Pot

Someone sent me this in an email. I like it. It has a good message that we need to be reminded of from time to time.

A shared meal helps bridge two solitudes
A United Church minister from South Africa brings a 'truth and reconciliation' model to the city's poorest neighbourhood in hope it will nurture healing between 'haves' and 'have nots'

Lori Culbert
Vancouver Sun
Friday, April 18, 2008
CREDIT: Ian Lindsay, Vancouver Sun
Frank Delorme, an employee at First United Church on East Hastings, says the number of needy relying on the church has doubled in the past two years, 'with no end in sight.'
CREDIT: Ian Lindsay, Vancouver Sun
Rev. Ric Matthews sees parallels between apartheid and the polarization of mainstream society and the poor.
DOWNTOWN EASTSIDE - First United Church on East Hastings has long been a sanctuary for the needy: By day, about 100 homeless people nap in the pews, and at night even more sex-trade workers come in seeking dinner.
It's a place of refuge, but one that no longer fulfils the most traditional role of a church: Sunday sermons.
The congregation had a long history of being inclusive and enlightened, but it was increasingly feeling alienated by the growing number of addicted and mentally ill people seeking help from the church. The congregation dwindled to such a small number that it was disbanded last June after more than 100 years of worship.
When the last minister left, First United searched for a replacement to carry on its mission work. The unconventional role was filled in August by Rev. Ric Matthews, a South African who sees parallels between apartheid in his home country and the polarization of the former congregation and the more troubled residents of the Downtown Eastside.
"There's an invisible wall here between the poor and the mainstream," said Matthews, who worked in inner-city churches in Johannesburg, where he witnessed extreme poverty and violence.
A soft-spoken, thoughtful man, Matthews was also involved in justice and reconciliation work in South Africa. He believes a model of inclusion -- bringing people of different backgrounds together, instead of allowing separation to increase -- will heal Vancouver's poorest neighbourhood.
To that end, the church is now holding "celebration of life" dinners every Wednesday, meant to attract a mix of residents and other clients of all backgrounds and religious affiliations.
The goal is to reduce alienation by not distinguishing between those who need charity and those who donate to charities, but to make them one group. His Wednesday dinners appear to be working so far, attracting 50 to 100 people an evening.
His idea takes its roots from South Africa's Truth and Reconciliation Commission which, much like native healing circles, had the power to bring opponents together and, ideally, embrace each other's stories, despite their differences, he said.
Matthews, who moved to Vancouver 10 years ago to work with industries to repair injustices in the workplace, says the Downtown Eastside is at the cusp of change because of increased attention on the poor living conditions in the neighbourhood.
"There's too much pressure [from] the Olympics, too much publicity. There's a sense that something needs to be done," he said.
Future decisions could make the area healthier and more inclusive, or more entrenched and alienated. Recent efforts by the province to increase social housing are well-intentioned, he said, but could further "erode" the area by continuing to divide the have-nots from the haves.
Instead, Matthews argues for housing models akin to a "commune": a mix of market and subsidized housing, possibly including a shelter and a detox facility. There would be separate, secure entrances for the different types of residents, but in the core of the building could be a daycare and a meeting room where once a week residents meet for dinner.
"I have no doubt people will look at it and say I'm nuts," he said. "But I think we have the opportunity here to do the same stuff [as the truth commission]. Is it a wild, ridiculous vision? Maybe. But it's worth a go."
For now, his church -- the last stop for many of Vancouver's most marginalized drug addicts and mentally ill, who have been banned from other places due to irrational behaviour -- is brightening itself up with paint, encouraging clients to clean up after themselves and trying to be more inclusive to all.
Frank Delorme, a church employee and a man who embodies change, says he sees the mood and tone shifting in the church -- especially at the new Wednesday night dinners.
"When the people come in, they want to be here rather than being forced to come in just because there is food," said Delorme, 47, a former drug addict with a troubled past who is now sober and single-handedly raising four children.
The church is closed overnight, but between 8:30 a.m. and 3:30 p.m. about 100 homeless men, vulnerable women and the working poor sleep in the pews and on the floor surrounding the pulpit. Between 200 and 300 people a day come inside to pick up food, clothing and toiletries, and welfare cheques.
WISH (Women's Information Safe House) runs a drop-in centre for sex-trade workers at night in another area of the church and serves them dinner, but is also not open around the clock.
The number of needy relying on the church has doubled over the past two years, Delorme said, with no end in sight. "I don't know why we have so many hurt people. The plans our city and government has over the next 10 years, I don't know where we will be," he said.
"I've been down here 20 years, and I still see an 'us' and 'them' mentality."
It's a sign, the longtime resident of social housing argues, of the need for drastic change.
Whether the change reflects the vision of First United's new missionary remains to be seen.
lculbert@png.canwest.com
© The Vancouver Sun 2008

Question about "urban spirituality"

I have an educational project. Once a month, I post things on a bulletin board in my hospital. I use this to engage the patients, staff and those who frequent the area. To inspire or educuate about spiritual issues. I have been trying to think of topics related to spirituality for the coming months. One of my colleagues suggested the theme of urban spirituality. So I would like to hear from you, what is urban spirituality? In the changing times of our world, spirituality has many different meanings and styles of expression. How do we live out our spiritual life/express our spirituality in the context of a large city? i.e. Hong Kong, Toronto, New York.

where do you experience the spiritual in the urban context? Through activity or scene?

I look forward to input.

Now I've heard it all...

I suppose it's not that wierd, it makes sense really. Just never thought I'd see it.



Victoria funeral parlour promotes green burial option option
Biodegradable casket materials include cardboard, cotton

Darron Kloster
Canwest News Service
Thursday, April 17, 2008
CREDIT: Darren Stone, Canwest News Service

Chris Benesch, manager of Victoria's Sands Funeral Chapel, is marketing biodegradable caskets, which have been big sellers.

VICTORIA -- People can now reduce their environmental footprint even after they've stopped walking the earth.
A Victoria funeral parlour is promoting cardboard caskets covered in wood veneer and urns made of compressed cotton, rice and other biodegradable materials to provide the dearly departed and their loved ones a greener burial option.
Fabric-covered cardboard caskets have been around for years, but have never looked this good or been so environmentally appealing, says Chris Benesch, manager of Sands Funeral Chapel, a division of Toronto-based Arbor Memorial Services.
"People want eye appeal and not to spend a whole lot, like a mortgage, so this gives them a good option if they are having a viewing," says Benesch.
"These days, the environmental issues are important, especially to the generation that is now burying their parents."
As a second-generation funeral director, Benesch said "My first impression was 'Wow, that's cardboard?' "
The caskets, manufactured in China and imported by Pan Pacific Paper Caskets in Vancouver, support up to 225 kilograms (almost 500 pounds) but only weigh 20 to 30 kilograms, depending on the model. Made from 100 per cent recycled cardboard and pressed in honeycomb style to provide strength, the coffins currently come in quite convincing imitations of oak, mahogany and pine.
Cardboard caskets also require less time and fuel in the cremation process, which reduces emissions, said Benesch. B.C. is the North American leader in cremation, with more than 80 per cent of clients choosing it as an alternative to burial.
Retail prices of the cardboard caskets are only about 15 per cent below the real-wood counterparts, said Benesch, who expects the prices to fall as volume increases. Traditional caskets at Sand's range from a $13,000, stainless-steel model and $5,800 for solid cherry to the traditional unlined pine box, which sells for $895.
Funeral service firms are joining companies worldwide providing green options for consumers.
Europeans are ahead of the curve, providing everything from pay-per-view funerals so mourners do not have to travel to services, to a process being offered in Sweden and Germany called Promessa Organic, where the deceased is submerged in liquid nitrogen and sound waves reduce the brittle remains to powder.
Closer to home, Royal Oak Burial Park in Saanich -- the largest community-owned cemetery in B.C. at 55 hectares -- is setting aside one-third of a hectare for a natural burial site, the first of its kind in Canada and scheduled to open in the fall.
Under the guidelines for burial, only bodies without embalming will be allowed and they can be wrapped in a simple shroud or in a biodegradable casket. Concrete liners, which cover caskets in traditional burying, will not be permitted and wildflowers, shrubs and plants will substitute traditional steel and stone grave markers.
© The Vancouver Sun 2008

Different version of the Lord's Prayer

The Lord's Prayer
(from the New Zealand Prayer Book)

Eternal Spirit, Earth-maker, Pain-bearer, Life-giver,
Source of all that is and that shall be,
Father and Mother of us all,
Loving God, in whom is heaven:
The hallowing of your name echo through the universe!
The way of your justice be followed by the peoples of the world!
Your heavenly will be done by all created beings!
Your commonwealth of peace and freedom sustain our hope and come on earth.
With the bread we need for today, feed us.
In the hurts we absorb from one another, forgive us.
In times of temptation and test, strengthen us.
From trials too great to endure, spare us.
From the grip of all that is evil, free us.
For you reign in the glory of the power that is love, now and for ever. Amen

The Blizzard of the World

This is from a workshop I attended earlier this year.

The Blizzard of the World
from: A Hidden Wholeness: the journey toward the Undivided Life
Dr. Palmer Parker

The blizzard of the world
has crossed the threshold
and it has overturned
the order of the soul.
-Leonard Cohen

There was a time when farmers on the Great Plains, at the first sign of a blizzard, would run a rope from the back door out to the barn. They all knew stories of people who had wandered off and been frozen to death, having lost sight of home in a whiteout while still in their own backyards.
Today we live in a blizzard of another sort. It swirls around us as economic injustice, ecological ruin, political and spiritual violence, and their inevitable outcome, war. It swirls within us as fear and frenzy, greed and deceit, and indifference to the suffering of others. We all know stories of people who have wandered off into this madness and have been separated from their own souls, losing their moral bearings and even their mortal lives: they make headlines because they take so many innocents down with them.

The lost ones come from every walk of life: clergy and corporate executives, politicians and people on the street, celebrities and schoolchildren. Some of us fear that we, or those we love will become lost in the storm. Some are lost at this moment and are trying to find the way home. Some are lost withour knowing it. And some are using the blizzard as cover while cycnically exploiting its chaos for private gain.

So it is easy to believe that the "blizzard of the the world" has overturned "the order of the soul", easy to believe that that the soul -- that life-giving core of human self, with its hunger for truth and justice, love and forgiveness-- has lost all power to guide our lives.

But my own experience of the blizzard, which includes getting lost in it more often than I like to admit, tells me that it is not so. The soul's order can never be destroyed. It imay be obscured by the whiteout. We may forget, or deny, that its guidance is close at hand. And yet we are still in the soul's backyard, which chance after chance to regain our bearings.

What is your blizzard?
What forms does it take when you lose sight of your home in your own backyard?
How would you name the strands of your rope?
What is it about your rope that helps you find your way back home?

Wierd News... items from print

I have a colleague who found some wierd items and passed them on to me.

A blessing for hospitality

Yesterday I was asked to provide the blessing for the reopening of a wing in my hospital. I didn't realize it was going to a big event until I read the itinerary that said I was to be introduced by the CEO and there was a government rep as well. Talk about nervous. I stressed over what to wear.. in the end it was fine. Despite the TV camera pointed at me.

This is the blessing that I gave.. interestingly enough, most of the speakers had this theme.. about hospitality and acceptance that they found from the team there. The blessing is from Henri Nouwen's book "Reaching Out".

Words of Henri Nouwen
"Hospitality means primarily the creation of a free space where strangers can enter and become a friend instead of an enemy. Hospitality is not to change people but to offer them space where change can take place. Hospitality wants to offer friendship without binding the guest and freedom without leaving the guests alone."

In this place we seek to offer hospitality to those who enter these doors.

I offer this blessing

Bless this place and those who provide and receive medical services here,
For the lives that are touched and shared in this place.

Bless those who enter these doors.
May they find healing and renewal,
May they find comfort and know peace.
May they find an inviting space where hospitality reigns.

Commentary on Newspaper articles

This is an article from today's paper. And people wonder why we aren't more friendly in today's society.

Man stabbed after saying friendly hello on Toronto bus

Linda Nguyen
Canwest News Service
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
A 30-year-old man who was stabbed three times Monday did nothing wrong but say hello to his attacker on a public transit bus, Toronto police say.
"This attack was unprovoked. It was a very weird thing," Toronto police Det. Jim Brons said Tuesday. "There's nothing that the victim could have done. It was a very isolated incident."
Brons, who has been with the force for 20 years, said it's the first case of its kind he's worked on in the city.
Investigators say the man and the suspect were passengers on a transit bus in the city's north end Monday.
The two were sitting side by side when they made eye contact.
"The victim was going to work and the suspect got on the bus afterwards," he said. "The suspect looked at the victim and the victim decided to say hi to him. He didn't respond. Ten minutes later, the suspect blew up at him and asked him why he said hi when they didn't know each other."
Brons said the victim apologized while the two men were still on the bus. He apologized again, telling the suspect that he meant nothing by the greeting when he got off the bus around 12:30 p.m.
"He apologized to him on the bus and looked straight forward, hoping the guy didn't get off with him," he said. "But when they both got on the sidewalk, the suspect took out a knife and stabbed him three times. Then he didn't even run away. He just walked off like nothing happened."
The man fell to the ground after he was stabbed on the side of his body. He was taken to hospital and received numerous stitches.
"He's doing relatively well," Brons said. "But he's absolutely shocked at what happened. Who would expect something like this to happen when you're riding the bus to work?"
Brons said not much could have been done to prevent the incident. "Who would think that you would say hi to someone and that someone would react in this way?" Police are looking for a six-foot, two-inch black male, aged 18 to 20.

A different take on "Favorite Things"

According to various web sources, Julie Andrews supposedly sang this version on her 69fh birthday. This is considered an urban legend, but I enjoyed the lyrics nonetheless. I found them posted on a wall in one of my clinical areas at work. (I found myself singing the tune as I read the "new" lyrics.

Taking the tune from the legendary movie Sound Of Music the lyrics of the song
were deliberately changed for the entertainment of her blue hair audience.

Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Cadillacs and cataracts and hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the pipes leak,
When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets, and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heat pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Back pains, confused brains, and no fear of sinnin',
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',
And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache, when the hips break, When the eyes grow dim, Then I remember the great life I've had, And then I don't feel so bad.

Book review

One of many books that I have purchased with intent to read is "Pastoral Care Under the Cross: God in the Midst of Suffering" written by Richard C. Eyer. So far, I love what I am reading as it is written from the theological context of chaplaincy. I have found it a rare publication that is written specifically from the pastoral care/chaplaincy perspective.

In the first paragraph of this book, I defined pastoral care as the "uninvited spiritual nurturing" that a pastor provides. It is uninvited in the sense that the person needing pastoral care often does not request it. ... need to understand in the context of 'helplessness or loss of control over one's life'. Someone has said that the willingness to live with our own helpless may well turn out to be called faith. That does not make living with helplessness any easier, but it does put helplessness into holy perspective, a useful beginning for both pastor and parishioner. ... the challenge for pastoral care is to move the sufferer from feelings of helplessness to a holy perspective. Holy perspective is that interpretation arrive at by pastor and suffering parishioner which is both sensitive to feelings and looks beyond feelings to Truth. Truth is not merely what pastor or parishioner feels personally but what God says to us in Jesus Christ, the meaning of which is revealed in the written Word. "
"Pastoral care consists not in removing some one's suffering but in helping the sufferer understand his or her suffering in the light of the cross. Apart from the cross, the sufferer experiences a meaningless and out-of-control world that offers no hope.. " Basically, Eyer differentiates the message of the cross as rooted in self-exploration with the purpose of the individual to define the weakness within and to confess and grow from learning of one's weakness, to root it out, whereas pop psychology elevates the self-exploration with the propose of celebrating our weaknesses. Eyer goes on to distinguish the difference of what he calls "theology of the cross" and "theology of glory" using the Lord's prayer as example. One line of the Lord's Prayer is "thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven". Eyer argues that many people hold to the thinking of "theology of glory"
when it comes to this line, stating that while "thy will be done" refers to our acknowledgement of our individual weakness and acknowledging that God walks with us in our suffering, versus trying to bend God's will to our desires.
" The theology of the cross says that God comes to us through our weakness and suffering, on the cross and in our own sufferings. The theology of the cross says, 'My grace is sufficient for you,..' the theology of glory on the other hand says that God is to be found, not in the weakness but in power and strength, and therefore we should look for him in signs of health, success, and outward victory over life's ills. .. If we do not understand the distinction, we will gravitate towards a theology of glory in which our culture believes God works through the self-affirmation of pop psychology and instant gratification. We will begin to demand that God justify himself to us in our sufferings by giving us healing and success."

That is quite the statement and it rings true. How often have I had patients tell me that God will fix it because "I told him to". I do agree that God does heal and that miracles occur, but sometimes people hold too rigid to the "theology of glory" stance and aren't willing to see that sometimes, God is saying "I'm here , walking with you." or that the answer to their demand is "no, there will be healing, just not that way".

I look forward to seeing how this book continues and what other challenges to perspective will arise.