If I had my life to live over

Found this in my collection of various "inspirational" items.....

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER
- by Erma Bombeck
(Written after she found out she was dying from cancer).

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.


I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.


I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.


I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.


I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.


I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.


I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.


I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.


Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.


When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, 'Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.' There would have been more 'I love you's'; more 'I'm sorry's.'


But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute... look at it and really see it ... live it and never give it back. STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!!!


Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what!


Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us.

God needs an image makeover... article

This is an interesting article I found in a newspaper.

The many names (and images) of god

Douglas Todd

Vancouver Sun

Saturday, May 31, 2008

God needs an image makeover -- and there's no better place to start than with God's name.

Whenever someone mentions "God" in Canada, conversations crash to a halt. Everyone gets nervous. And it's not just from Canadian politeness.

It's because most people mistakenly think they know what the other is talking about when they say "God." Typically, they assume the "God" in question is a stern, patriarchal monarch in the sky.

Most Canadians, whether they consider themselves religious or not, seem stuck with the limited picture of God they had when they were early teenagers dropping out of church, synagogue, mosque or temple.

However, the concept of "God" is endlessly complex and nuanced and divinity deserves a more thoughtful name, or names.

"God" is an exaggerrated version of words such as "love," "truth," "spirituality" and "post-modern;" that is, "God" is a rich and contentious word, laden with multiple meanings.

We need to use fresher names for God. Just as people change their names to highlight different aspects of themselves -- such as when hard-driving "Priscilla" becomes more masculine "Kerry" or aboriginal "Jim George" becomes "Thundercloud" -- different names for "God" highlight different divine identities.

Through history there have been hundreds of names for "God."

Some half-decent contemporary names are "the divine," "spirit," "the holy," "the one," "the transcendent" and "the sacred" (all of which can be capitalized, depending on preference.)

The process of rebranding "God" brings to mind how Muslims long ago developed 99 "beautiful" names for "God" (or "Allah" (in Arabic) to capture the full glory and wonder of the transcendent.

I'd guess many Canadians stereotype Muslims as thinking about God mainly as a tough, vengeful dictator. But some of the 99 names for God include "The Compassionate," "The Pardoner," "The Majestic," "The Bountiful," "The Watchful," "The Wise," "The Giver of Life," "The Hidden," "The Unifier" and "The Light."

Jews have found a good way to deal with the unfortunate misunderstandings that can come from the name, "God:" Many choose simply not to use the word. Instead, they'll write "G-d."

This is a useful and humble approach, which reminds me of how U.S. geochemist Rustom Roy called for the complete eradication of the word God. He suggested integrating science and religion and replacing the word God with ****, which to him denotes the "cloud of essence."

At the same time, Jews also developed dozens of names for God in the Hebrew Bible (which Christians know as the Old Testament), including "Adonai," "Elohim," "El Shaddai" and, intriguingly, "I am what I am becoming."

In medieval times some Jews cleverly called God "The Seven," combining seven titles for the deity in one.

Although the Catholic and Protestant churches have for centuries tended to stress "Lord," "Almighty" and "Father" as names for God, Jesus and his followers adopted many others.

Influenced by Jewish and Greek tradition, their names for God included "Creator," "the Mountain," "Abba (daddy)," "the Word," "Logos," "Yahweh," "Sophia" and "the Light." Many Christians have recently been referring to God as "Redeemer" and "Sustainer."

As for Hindus, many name the supreme cosmic spirit as "Brahman." Others highlight personal manifestations of God in "Vishnu" or "Krishna."

Sikhs may speak of God as "Akal Purakh," meaning timeless primal being. In Chinese folk religion, God is often referred to as "Zhu" (Lord in Heaven) or "Shen" (spirit). Taoists talk about the ultimate as "the Tao" or "The Way."

Even Buddhists have something to say about divinity. Although most Theravadan Buddhists do not believe in a Creator, many Pure Land Buddhists give "Amithaba" eternal powers similar to those ascribed to God.

In the book, Philosophers Speak of God, edited by Charles Hartshorne and William Reese, philosophers reveal some of their many names for divinity -- including "elan vital (life force)," "the call forward," "divine intelligence," "the lure" and the "ordering principle."

All of which goes to show the name "God" is never to be taken for granted.

Next time someone drops the name into a conversation, pro or con, ask them which "God" they're talking about.

And don't let them off the hook by allowing them to argue "no one should try to define God because the transcendent is beyond full comprehension."

While it's true defining "God" will always be elusive and unprovable, it's a cop-out to not take a stab at it -- perhaps especially when someone is trying to reject belief in "God."

Asking people what they mean when they say "God" will put them on the spot and make them think, which is usually a good thing.

What's in a name? When it comes to "God," quite a lot.

To reach Douglas Todd, go to this blog at www.vancouversun.com/blogs

Bad Death

From Plainviews a journal about pastoral care and practice within Canada.

Bad Death

I could have done without the juicy comments about your sex lives.
Please know that it has nothing to do with my role as chaplain.
On the other hand I liked seeing the greeting on your door:
“Religious people go away!” each time I arrived.

Looking at life through your grey-colored glasses
required all I had to give
And little of what I was trained to provide.
I was always on notice, on borrowed time, on Holy Ground.

You see I’m called to be with people I wouldn’t invite to dinner;
It’s my job to just show up for a conversation.
So we talked nothing of religion but lots culture:
New York, Cape Cod, Las Vegas, security detail and prize fights you worked,
anything but the estrangement you felt so deep in your bones.
You wanted it to end, and cleverly.

After my visits I smelled like a tavern.
It took a plentiful misting of Febreze
and a night hanging outside
to put my clothes right.
Residue of my time with you came out of pants and shirts
but not out of my mind and spirit.

You smoked like a machine, and smoked near one, too.
We both knew that it was reckless; O2 and white ash don’t mix.
Now your memory is part of me
Your burning house and then your legitimate cremation
Refining fires for my ministry of understanding.

Who would have thought final healing would cost so much?
Neither Saul nor Judas had it in them to choose ice or fire
But your goal may have been the same,
to end despair and sadness, the tragic cargo which can erode any
but the most stubborn embrace of gratitude, faith, hope.

I confess now that I wanted for you
a kind of reformation called “good” death
I may have let you down.
Sorry for getting religious.

Recently I had one of the toughest pastoral encounters of my ministry: the disturbing death of an at-home hospice patient. I’ve worked as a chaplain in many settings including an inner city ER, an industrial workplace and pediatric oncology. After this death, however, I found myself challenged by a series of feelings: distress, guilt, failure, and also longing.

I’d met with the hospice patient in his home for six months. “Mike” was outspoken in his distaste for religion and the people who speak of it. Nonetheless, he let me “in the door,” both literally and figuratively; our contact was weekly for the last six weeks before he died. He was an intriguing personality and younger than most hospice patients. More complex, too! Time with Mike was different than with many of the more routine patients on my census. He was a challenge to engage but over time we built trust. I looked forward to seeing him then and long to see him since his death. I wonder about Mike’s choices, his pain, and now, his peace. Whether his was an intentional or accidental death is very much a question in my mind. That is what prompts my feelings of distress, guilt, and failure. I think Mike’s was a “bad” death, but I am still processing this conclusion.

I want to know more about “bad” death. What is it exactly? Are there certain key components? Is there more than one kind of bad death (other than those ending in “cide”) and most importantly, what makes us think that our definition is accurate? Might the dying person (should he or she be able to tell us) have another view? The above poem was my attempt to get to the heart of my feelings on the matter. I am still unpacking the event and its poetic record. I want to balance my bias with some of the genuine affection and self-definition that were clearly part of our encounters.

I had an investment in promoting Mike’s “good” death. It wasn’t apparent just how much investment until after the fact. I hold out hope for and try to promote the best deaths that my patients and their circumstances allow. This is hardly unique; what’s more most of us have thought about what constitutes a “good” death. One of my colleagues speaks of a dying whereby a person leaves this world “at peace and in love.”[1] Hospice stresses the engagement of “the four things that matter most”[2] or a patient’s display of “final gifts”[3] as indicators of a better death. Recently I heard an artist who creates portraits of the dying refer to death as “the final healing.”[4] I like that. I hope I can muster such self-perception as I take my last breaths. But what constitutes a good death isn’t what interests me just now.

I’d be interested in hearing from my professional colleagues about their take on a so-called “bad”death. I’d like to put the following questions to PlainViews readers: If you have witnessed a “bad” death what did it look like and how did it leave you feeling? How clear are you in your distinctions of “bad” and “good” deaths? What are your projections and judgments, be they doctrinal, cultural or political? I look forward to your feedback as is convenient and HIPPA appropriate.

Footnotes:

[1] This phrase is courtesy of my friend and colleague, Tim Ledbetter, D. Min, BCC.

[2] Byock, Ira, The Four Things that Matter Most, proposes four areas of engagement between a patient and her/his loved ones that might ensure a good death: forgiveness (I forgive you, do you forgive me?), gratitude (thank you), affection (I love you) and farewell (good-bye)

[3] Callahan, Maggie and Kelley, Patricia, Final Gifts: Understanding the Special Awareness, Needs and Communications of the Dying, suggests that a host of psychological, physical and metaphysical traits are exhibited by terminally ill patients in the weeks and days preceding death. While neither “good” or “bad” in nature these traits together constitute a “near death awareness,” (NDA) and perhaps a more predictable, less frightening death. (see www.bookrags.com/studyguide-final-gifts/)

---

Rev. Kirk M. Ruehl, BCC, is a chaplain with Hospice at the Chaplaincy in Kennewick, WA, where he has served for five years. Prior to this he was a chaplain at Deaconess Medical Center in Spokane, WA; Seamen's Church Institute in Port Newark, NJ and Eger Health Care Center in Staten Island, NY. He has a wife and two boys, enjoys poetry and hiking around the Northwest with the Boy Scouts.

I've always wondered....

Pastoral Care at it's best?

A key element of pastoral care is to "hear" what someone is saying.. that obviously didn't happen here. But then I suppose there are some days or situations when the focus is not there.

"No one dies from having their medication stopped"

This is a comment overheard at rounds the other day. One doctor was counseling another about stopping a certian medication and then explained that during his rotation of training in England, that the chief doctor would get a referal and would review the chart and then immediately stop all medications. He would then say "let's come back tomorrow and see how they are doing". Usually the person was better the next day. The doctor went on to comment to the other that here in North America, we are fixated on medications. "When you call geriatrician over there, they stop meds, here they review the chart and probably add another one."

I wonder about this. Interesting comment that it is. There are some patients that benefit from certain drugs treatments but most would probably do fine without. Years ago, we didn't do so much treatment with drugs, (of course someone might argue that years ago, we didn't have the diseases that we do now.)

I thought it was an interesting comment on the evolution of healthcare.

Cracked Pot

Someone sent me this in an email. I like it. It has a good message that we need to be reminded of from time to time.

A shared meal helps bridge two solitudes
A United Church minister from South Africa brings a 'truth and reconciliation' model to the city's poorest neighbourhood in hope it will nurture healing between 'haves' and 'have nots'

Lori Culbert
Vancouver Sun
Friday, April 18, 2008
CREDIT: Ian Lindsay, Vancouver Sun
Frank Delorme, an employee at First United Church on East Hastings, says the number of needy relying on the church has doubled in the past two years, 'with no end in sight.'
CREDIT: Ian Lindsay, Vancouver Sun
Rev. Ric Matthews sees parallels between apartheid and the polarization of mainstream society and the poor.
DOWNTOWN EASTSIDE - First United Church on East Hastings has long been a sanctuary for the needy: By day, about 100 homeless people nap in the pews, and at night even more sex-trade workers come in seeking dinner.
It's a place of refuge, but one that no longer fulfils the most traditional role of a church: Sunday sermons.
The congregation had a long history of being inclusive and enlightened, but it was increasingly feeling alienated by the growing number of addicted and mentally ill people seeking help from the church. The congregation dwindled to such a small number that it was disbanded last June after more than 100 years of worship.
When the last minister left, First United searched for a replacement to carry on its mission work. The unconventional role was filled in August by Rev. Ric Matthews, a South African who sees parallels between apartheid in his home country and the polarization of the former congregation and the more troubled residents of the Downtown Eastside.
"There's an invisible wall here between the poor and the mainstream," said Matthews, who worked in inner-city churches in Johannesburg, where he witnessed extreme poverty and violence.
A soft-spoken, thoughtful man, Matthews was also involved in justice and reconciliation work in South Africa. He believes a model of inclusion -- bringing people of different backgrounds together, instead of allowing separation to increase -- will heal Vancouver's poorest neighbourhood.
To that end, the church is now holding "celebration of life" dinners every Wednesday, meant to attract a mix of residents and other clients of all backgrounds and religious affiliations.
The goal is to reduce alienation by not distinguishing between those who need charity and those who donate to charities, but to make them one group. His Wednesday dinners appear to be working so far, attracting 50 to 100 people an evening.
His idea takes its roots from South Africa's Truth and Reconciliation Commission which, much like native healing circles, had the power to bring opponents together and, ideally, embrace each other's stories, despite their differences, he said.
Matthews, who moved to Vancouver 10 years ago to work with industries to repair injustices in the workplace, says the Downtown Eastside is at the cusp of change because of increased attention on the poor living conditions in the neighbourhood.
"There's too much pressure [from] the Olympics, too much publicity. There's a sense that something needs to be done," he said.
Future decisions could make the area healthier and more inclusive, or more entrenched and alienated. Recent efforts by the province to increase social housing are well-intentioned, he said, but could further "erode" the area by continuing to divide the have-nots from the haves.
Instead, Matthews argues for housing models akin to a "commune": a mix of market and subsidized housing, possibly including a shelter and a detox facility. There would be separate, secure entrances for the different types of residents, but in the core of the building could be a daycare and a meeting room where once a week residents meet for dinner.
"I have no doubt people will look at it and say I'm nuts," he said. "But I think we have the opportunity here to do the same stuff [as the truth commission]. Is it a wild, ridiculous vision? Maybe. But it's worth a go."
For now, his church -- the last stop for many of Vancouver's most marginalized drug addicts and mentally ill, who have been banned from other places due to irrational behaviour -- is brightening itself up with paint, encouraging clients to clean up after themselves and trying to be more inclusive to all.
Frank Delorme, a church employee and a man who embodies change, says he sees the mood and tone shifting in the church -- especially at the new Wednesday night dinners.
"When the people come in, they want to be here rather than being forced to come in just because there is food," said Delorme, 47, a former drug addict with a troubled past who is now sober and single-handedly raising four children.
The church is closed overnight, but between 8:30 a.m. and 3:30 p.m. about 100 homeless men, vulnerable women and the working poor sleep in the pews and on the floor surrounding the pulpit. Between 200 and 300 people a day come inside to pick up food, clothing and toiletries, and welfare cheques.
WISH (Women's Information Safe House) runs a drop-in centre for sex-trade workers at night in another area of the church and serves them dinner, but is also not open around the clock.
The number of needy relying on the church has doubled over the past two years, Delorme said, with no end in sight. "I don't know why we have so many hurt people. The plans our city and government has over the next 10 years, I don't know where we will be," he said.
"I've been down here 20 years, and I still see an 'us' and 'them' mentality."
It's a sign, the longtime resident of social housing argues, of the need for drastic change.
Whether the change reflects the vision of First United's new missionary remains to be seen.
lculbert@png.canwest.com
© The Vancouver Sun 2008

Question about "urban spirituality"

I have an educational project. Once a month, I post things on a bulletin board in my hospital. I use this to engage the patients, staff and those who frequent the area. To inspire or educuate about spiritual issues. I have been trying to think of topics related to spirituality for the coming months. One of my colleagues suggested the theme of urban spirituality. So I would like to hear from you, what is urban spirituality? In the changing times of our world, spirituality has many different meanings and styles of expression. How do we live out our spiritual life/express our spirituality in the context of a large city? i.e. Hong Kong, Toronto, New York.

where do you experience the spiritual in the urban context? Through activity or scene?

I look forward to input.

Now I've heard it all...

I suppose it's not that wierd, it makes sense really. Just never thought I'd see it.



Victoria funeral parlour promotes green burial option option
Biodegradable casket materials include cardboard, cotton

Darron Kloster
Canwest News Service
Thursday, April 17, 2008
CREDIT: Darren Stone, Canwest News Service

Chris Benesch, manager of Victoria's Sands Funeral Chapel, is marketing biodegradable caskets, which have been big sellers.

VICTORIA -- People can now reduce their environmental footprint even after they've stopped walking the earth.
A Victoria funeral parlour is promoting cardboard caskets covered in wood veneer and urns made of compressed cotton, rice and other biodegradable materials to provide the dearly departed and their loved ones a greener burial option.
Fabric-covered cardboard caskets have been around for years, but have never looked this good or been so environmentally appealing, says Chris Benesch, manager of Sands Funeral Chapel, a division of Toronto-based Arbor Memorial Services.
"People want eye appeal and not to spend a whole lot, like a mortgage, so this gives them a good option if they are having a viewing," says Benesch.
"These days, the environmental issues are important, especially to the generation that is now burying their parents."
As a second-generation funeral director, Benesch said "My first impression was 'Wow, that's cardboard?' "
The caskets, manufactured in China and imported by Pan Pacific Paper Caskets in Vancouver, support up to 225 kilograms (almost 500 pounds) but only weigh 20 to 30 kilograms, depending on the model. Made from 100 per cent recycled cardboard and pressed in honeycomb style to provide strength, the coffins currently come in quite convincing imitations of oak, mahogany and pine.
Cardboard caskets also require less time and fuel in the cremation process, which reduces emissions, said Benesch. B.C. is the North American leader in cremation, with more than 80 per cent of clients choosing it as an alternative to burial.
Retail prices of the cardboard caskets are only about 15 per cent below the real-wood counterparts, said Benesch, who expects the prices to fall as volume increases. Traditional caskets at Sand's range from a $13,000, stainless-steel model and $5,800 for solid cherry to the traditional unlined pine box, which sells for $895.
Funeral service firms are joining companies worldwide providing green options for consumers.
Europeans are ahead of the curve, providing everything from pay-per-view funerals so mourners do not have to travel to services, to a process being offered in Sweden and Germany called Promessa Organic, where the deceased is submerged in liquid nitrogen and sound waves reduce the brittle remains to powder.
Closer to home, Royal Oak Burial Park in Saanich -- the largest community-owned cemetery in B.C. at 55 hectares -- is setting aside one-third of a hectare for a natural burial site, the first of its kind in Canada and scheduled to open in the fall.
Under the guidelines for burial, only bodies without embalming will be allowed and they can be wrapped in a simple shroud or in a biodegradable casket. Concrete liners, which cover caskets in traditional burying, will not be permitted and wildflowers, shrubs and plants will substitute traditional steel and stone grave markers.
© The Vancouver Sun 2008

Different version of the Lord's Prayer

The Lord's Prayer
(from the New Zealand Prayer Book)

Eternal Spirit, Earth-maker, Pain-bearer, Life-giver,
Source of all that is and that shall be,
Father and Mother of us all,
Loving God, in whom is heaven:
The hallowing of your name echo through the universe!
The way of your justice be followed by the peoples of the world!
Your heavenly will be done by all created beings!
Your commonwealth of peace and freedom sustain our hope and come on earth.
With the bread we need for today, feed us.
In the hurts we absorb from one another, forgive us.
In times of temptation and test, strengthen us.
From trials too great to endure, spare us.
From the grip of all that is evil, free us.
For you reign in the glory of the power that is love, now and for ever. Amen

The Blizzard of the World

This is from a workshop I attended earlier this year.

The Blizzard of the World
from: A Hidden Wholeness: the journey toward the Undivided Life
Dr. Palmer Parker

The blizzard of the world
has crossed the threshold
and it has overturned
the order of the soul.
-Leonard Cohen

There was a time when farmers on the Great Plains, at the first sign of a blizzard, would run a rope from the back door out to the barn. They all knew stories of people who had wandered off and been frozen to death, having lost sight of home in a whiteout while still in their own backyards.
Today we live in a blizzard of another sort. It swirls around us as economic injustice, ecological ruin, political and spiritual violence, and their inevitable outcome, war. It swirls within us as fear and frenzy, greed and deceit, and indifference to the suffering of others. We all know stories of people who have wandered off into this madness and have been separated from their own souls, losing their moral bearings and even their mortal lives: they make headlines because they take so many innocents down with them.

The lost ones come from every walk of life: clergy and corporate executives, politicians and people on the street, celebrities and schoolchildren. Some of us fear that we, or those we love will become lost in the storm. Some are lost at this moment and are trying to find the way home. Some are lost withour knowing it. And some are using the blizzard as cover while cycnically exploiting its chaos for private gain.

So it is easy to believe that the "blizzard of the the world" has overturned "the order of the soul", easy to believe that that the soul -- that life-giving core of human self, with its hunger for truth and justice, love and forgiveness-- has lost all power to guide our lives.

But my own experience of the blizzard, which includes getting lost in it more often than I like to admit, tells me that it is not so. The soul's order can never be destroyed. It imay be obscured by the whiteout. We may forget, or deny, that its guidance is close at hand. And yet we are still in the soul's backyard, which chance after chance to regain our bearings.

What is your blizzard?
What forms does it take when you lose sight of your home in your own backyard?
How would you name the strands of your rope?
What is it about your rope that helps you find your way back home?

Wierd News... items from print

I have a colleague who found some wierd items and passed them on to me.

A blessing for hospitality

Yesterday I was asked to provide the blessing for the reopening of a wing in my hospital. I didn't realize it was going to a big event until I read the itinerary that said I was to be introduced by the CEO and there was a government rep as well. Talk about nervous. I stressed over what to wear.. in the end it was fine. Despite the TV camera pointed at me.

This is the blessing that I gave.. interestingly enough, most of the speakers had this theme.. about hospitality and acceptance that they found from the team there. The blessing is from Henri Nouwen's book "Reaching Out".

Words of Henri Nouwen
"Hospitality means primarily the creation of a free space where strangers can enter and become a friend instead of an enemy. Hospitality is not to change people but to offer them space where change can take place. Hospitality wants to offer friendship without binding the guest and freedom without leaving the guests alone."

In this place we seek to offer hospitality to those who enter these doors.

I offer this blessing

Bless this place and those who provide and receive medical services here,
For the lives that are touched and shared in this place.

Bless those who enter these doors.
May they find healing and renewal,
May they find comfort and know peace.
May they find an inviting space where hospitality reigns.

Commentary on Newspaper articles

This is an article from today's paper. And people wonder why we aren't more friendly in today's society.

Man stabbed after saying friendly hello on Toronto bus

Linda Nguyen
Canwest News Service
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
A 30-year-old man who was stabbed three times Monday did nothing wrong but say hello to his attacker on a public transit bus, Toronto police say.
"This attack was unprovoked. It was a very weird thing," Toronto police Det. Jim Brons said Tuesday. "There's nothing that the victim could have done. It was a very isolated incident."
Brons, who has been with the force for 20 years, said it's the first case of its kind he's worked on in the city.
Investigators say the man and the suspect were passengers on a transit bus in the city's north end Monday.
The two were sitting side by side when they made eye contact.
"The victim was going to work and the suspect got on the bus afterwards," he said. "The suspect looked at the victim and the victim decided to say hi to him. He didn't respond. Ten minutes later, the suspect blew up at him and asked him why he said hi when they didn't know each other."
Brons said the victim apologized while the two men were still on the bus. He apologized again, telling the suspect that he meant nothing by the greeting when he got off the bus around 12:30 p.m.
"He apologized to him on the bus and looked straight forward, hoping the guy didn't get off with him," he said. "But when they both got on the sidewalk, the suspect took out a knife and stabbed him three times. Then he didn't even run away. He just walked off like nothing happened."
The man fell to the ground after he was stabbed on the side of his body. He was taken to hospital and received numerous stitches.
"He's doing relatively well," Brons said. "But he's absolutely shocked at what happened. Who would expect something like this to happen when you're riding the bus to work?"
Brons said not much could have been done to prevent the incident. "Who would think that you would say hi to someone and that someone would react in this way?" Police are looking for a six-foot, two-inch black male, aged 18 to 20.

A different take on "Favorite Things"

According to various web sources, Julie Andrews supposedly sang this version on her 69fh birthday. This is considered an urban legend, but I enjoyed the lyrics nonetheless. I found them posted on a wall in one of my clinical areas at work. (I found myself singing the tune as I read the "new" lyrics.

Taking the tune from the legendary movie Sound Of Music the lyrics of the song
were deliberately changed for the entertainment of her blue hair audience.

Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Cadillacs and cataracts and hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the pipes leak,
When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets, and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heat pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Back pains, confused brains, and no fear of sinnin',
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',
And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache, when the hips break, When the eyes grow dim, Then I remember the great life I've had, And then I don't feel so bad.

Book review

One of many books that I have purchased with intent to read is "Pastoral Care Under the Cross: God in the Midst of Suffering" written by Richard C. Eyer. So far, I love what I am reading as it is written from the theological context of chaplaincy. I have found it a rare publication that is written specifically from the pastoral care/chaplaincy perspective.

In the first paragraph of this book, I defined pastoral care as the "uninvited spiritual nurturing" that a pastor provides. It is uninvited in the sense that the person needing pastoral care often does not request it. ... need to understand in the context of 'helplessness or loss of control over one's life'. Someone has said that the willingness to live with our own helpless may well turn out to be called faith. That does not make living with helplessness any easier, but it does put helplessness into holy perspective, a useful beginning for both pastor and parishioner. ... the challenge for pastoral care is to move the sufferer from feelings of helplessness to a holy perspective. Holy perspective is that interpretation arrive at by pastor and suffering parishioner which is both sensitive to feelings and looks beyond feelings to Truth. Truth is not merely what pastor or parishioner feels personally but what God says to us in Jesus Christ, the meaning of which is revealed in the written Word. "
"Pastoral care consists not in removing some one's suffering but in helping the sufferer understand his or her suffering in the light of the cross. Apart from the cross, the sufferer experiences a meaningless and out-of-control world that offers no hope.. " Basically, Eyer differentiates the message of the cross as rooted in self-exploration with the purpose of the individual to define the weakness within and to confess and grow from learning of one's weakness, to root it out, whereas pop psychology elevates the self-exploration with the propose of celebrating our weaknesses. Eyer goes on to distinguish the difference of what he calls "theology of the cross" and "theology of glory" using the Lord's prayer as example. One line of the Lord's Prayer is "thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven". Eyer argues that many people hold to the thinking of "theology of glory"
when it comes to this line, stating that while "thy will be done" refers to our acknowledgement of our individual weakness and acknowledging that God walks with us in our suffering, versus trying to bend God's will to our desires.
" The theology of the cross says that God comes to us through our weakness and suffering, on the cross and in our own sufferings. The theology of the cross says, 'My grace is sufficient for you,..' the theology of glory on the other hand says that God is to be found, not in the weakness but in power and strength, and therefore we should look for him in signs of health, success, and outward victory over life's ills. .. If we do not understand the distinction, we will gravitate towards a theology of glory in which our culture believes God works through the self-affirmation of pop psychology and instant gratification. We will begin to demand that God justify himself to us in our sufferings by giving us healing and success."

That is quite the statement and it rings true. How often have I had patients tell me that God will fix it because "I told him to". I do agree that God does heal and that miracles occur, but sometimes people hold too rigid to the "theology of glory" stance and aren't willing to see that sometimes, God is saying "I'm here , walking with you." or that the answer to their demand is "no, there will be healing, just not that way".

I look forward to seeing how this book continues and what other challenges to perspective will arise.

Is this really how it goes?

Life's Lesson #3964

A quote I found says.. conversation and dialogue are not the same thing. Today I learned another one of life's lessons. I was on a break with a co-worker and we were talking about life and work. I re-learned a lesson about the use of jargon. Every group or discipline has one. We were talking about income tax, and RRSPs. I mentioned that I get tax break because I am clergy when the other person started counting off her fingers.."what is clergy? what is chaplain? What's a congregation? what is reverend?" And I thought to myself.. you're kidding right? Oh yeh. I forgot. I'm taking it for granted that everyone else has had my experiences and hence understood what I do. I paused a bit too long in trying to answer as I haven't had to explain terminology in a while. I'm used to not understanding all of the jargon in my workplace, but it is different when directly asked about seemingly "simple" terms, and yet failing to put into words what that means.
This conversation seems to be ongoing as spirituality and God aren't always on the periphery of the thoughts of others even though it permeates mine. Some acknowledge but have no words for it, while others never contemplate.

Is this really how it goes?

Ever wonder...?

Why don't we...?

Yep. It's been a while since I've updated. I know things have been busy lately. You know, the kind where you don't even have time to sit and take a breather. I haven't been able to read my newspaper at break until yesterday!! (I usually sit with a cup of tea and do the crosswords.) Not only has it been busy at work, but wierd too. I have been asked to deal with some wierd referals. The kind that make you scratch your head, the kind that make you wonder what is with this messed up world, the kind that make you go "huh?"

I deal with a "traumatic" event in the life of a friend. Her cat, who was one of the few things that loved her, her baby, died in her arms after an illness. She felt guilt that she had caused it, or hadn't done enough to look after her "baby" as she has been dealing with her own health. Knowing this woman's story as I do, I understand why it shocked her so. It can just be so draining at times to see such raw grief.

This week, I was asked to see the son of a patient. The son wanted to see me to help ensure the salvation of his ailing mother. It was causing a rift in the family as he wanted me to talk to her and make sure that when she had prayed to accept Jesus years or months before, that it was "genuine". Currently she was expressing doubts about her beliefs. I had to tell him that even though we Christians are concerned about the salvation of the masses, there is a time and place for everything, and this was not the time. Death is not necessarily a time to focus on this issue. He had been focusing and working on this issue for most of her life so I basically told him that for the sake of the overall situation, that he should go to his mother and tell her that he loved her, and to tell her what he loved about her most, and to reminisce with her and her family. To share the happy memories, rather than to mar the family relations with an obvious source of tension.

You know, I remember earlier in my career that a man was given a few months to live. So he rented the country club and had a party. It was like the farewell before the funeral, so that the family and friends could share memories with him rather than after he had passed. I hope that I get a chance to enjoy the same. Mind you, we should probably think about doing this even today. To tell our loved ones how much we care for them, that they mean to us. Doesn't it feel good to hear wonderful things, or thank you's, even the simple "good job", or "I love it when you..." Why we don't think to do this enough but instead wait until the end, to cram it all in, that mystifies me.

Rubes

Food for Thought

Today I got to pick the movie that sweetie and I went to. We saw Bucket List. It is about 2 men who meet in a hospital. Together they make a "things to do before I kick the bucket" List and then set out to do this. In the above photo, Carter (Morgan Freeman) has just asked Edward (Jack Nicholson) what he thinks about life. Carter tells him a story about 2 questions asked of the ancient Egyptians (?) upon reaching Heaven. "Have you found joy in your life?" to which Edward replied "yes". Followed up by "Have you given joy through the living of your life?"
Now that is a food for thought. This movie is essentially asking "what is the purpose of our living?" What will people be able to say about our life when we are finished with our time on this earth?

This is an interesting movie as it brings together 2 men who would not have met otherwise. They were from different backgrounds/class, but were brought together by irony and their health issues. From this shared experience, they learned to live life to the fullest and how to enrich themselves by sharing of themselves.

Life's Lesson # 3064

Did you ever notice that some times a certain theme recurs in a short time span? Things you see on TV, or read, news or conversation will revovle around a certain topic or theme. Sometimes that is just what we are focused on but I wonder if it isn't God's way of telling us something.

Yesterday a "lesson" or "truth" was reiterated for me at work. A frustrating one at that. People come to you and say they want help, but not the help you have to offer. They want it a certain way and when they don't get it that way.. they get upset. (Which some times upsets me because I want to help them, but they don't like what I have to offer and I have to remember not to take it personally, but when you are in the helping profession, it is hard to detach your "Self" from this profession.)

Sometimes, when people are frustrated from things not going their way, they get angry and take it out on the people nearest them. Unfortunately, that messes up relationships especially if something happens at work, or school and then you take it home to the family or some other "innocent" person.

And you know all of these things in your head, but it hard not to be emotionally invovled with a situation at the time. One of those hazards of the helping profession from time to time I guess.

Depressing Day

Today is supposed to be the MOST DEPRESSING DAY of the YEAR!! Imagine?! It is supposedly determined by math...(see excerpt from News article)

The formula for the day of misery reads 1/8W+(D-d) 3/8xTQ MxNA.

Where W is weather, D is debt - minus the money (d) due on January's pay day - and T is the time since Christmas.

Q is the period since the failure to quit a bad habit, M stands for general motivational levels and NA is the need to take action and do something about it.

GPs say exercise will boost spirits

Dr Arnalls calculated the effects of cold, wet and dark January weather after the cosiness of Christmas coupled with extra spending in the sales.

He found 24 January was especially dangerous, coming a whole month after Christmas festivities.

Any energy from the holiday had worn off by the third week of January, he said.

By Monday, most people will have fallen off the wagon or abandoned the nicotine patches as they fail to keep New Year's resolutions.

That compounds a sense of failure and knocks confidence needed to get through January.

The fact that the most depressing day fell on a Monday was not planned but a coincidence, he said.

So this was the message that I started my day with. Ironically I did not meet a lot of depressed people , nor was it raining ... a rare thing for Vancouver eh?... and I wasn't depressed either. I can understand that some people would find this time of year depressing. Snow, cold weather, illness, no holiday to break the monotony of the month...

The important thing to note is that depression is an emotion that we feel from time to time, but there is a difference between feeling depressed and having clinical depression.

Themes for the week

Do you ever notice themes in your life? By this I mean, a certain idea (theme) keeps coming up through out your week/month that doesn’t go away? Well this week’s theme has been communication. So yesterday at work, I visited with a patient who is stressed by their health problems and it is exasperating the stressful situations in their family as well. From what I have been told for the past few months by this person, there is a dysfunction in the marriage. Specifically in the communication of goals.

Ok, let me back up a bit for theory. So basically the theory is this: In a system, we’ll say a family, there are certain ways of relating to each other. Sometimes there is an issue that people chose to ignore or is taboo. Such as drinking, drugs, or the like. This is the thing that everyone in the family knows about but no one actually talks about a nd they all choose to deal with it in their own way. Then, a crisis hits and the dysfunctional functioning is exaggerated because no one can avoid it. It impedes/interferes with the coping or dealing with the crisis.

So patient has had a health scare and the family has dealt with it. Day by day. Other family members deal with in their own way and hope that this will be resolved, or “fixed” and then things will go back to normal. This is the “hope” that everyone clings to. But the health issue affects them all even only one person is sick, but they all deal with it as the sick person is away from the regular routine.. and the snowball gets bigger.

So … the issue in this case is that spouses didn’t really have an appropriate communication style in the first place and now that the system/relationships are stressed, they fight about little things but they are actually a part of a whole things that is not working.
The interesting thing about this type of situation is that people in crisis either function and rise above, or they hide their heads in the sand and hope it will go away so they can continue living as it was before. Crisis either makes you stronger or you break.

**********************************************************************

Yesterday was New Year's Eve. My friends and I were at a function where we ate and chatted. In the end, my single friends were talking with my hubby about men. "What is it about men?" It was interesting to note the differences in style about communication with men. The nuances, etc. So hubby explains to my friend that "men don't do subtle very well" and proceeded to give examples of this. "Oh I would like to see this movie." might be the woman's way of saying "how about it" , but he advised her to say " I would like to see this movie, how about Tuesday or Friday?" Then if he says "no I can't, but how about Saturday/Sunday." this indicates that he is interested in woman.

I found it funny to hear that my friend was getting advice from my hubby. In the end, the whole room was in on the conversation, agreeing to various parts and offering their views on the matter of male/female communications and the ensuing frustrations. Hence the theme of communications for my week.

A house should be an expression of your soul, an extension of your personality

This article give an interesting idea.. that our home is to reflect our soul -- who we are -- is to be a place where we LIVE, versus show off.

Does your home reflect the way you live?

A house should be an expression of your soul, an extension of your personality

FRIDAY dec 21, 2007 -- Kelly Deck

I have a recurring dream: The world stops moving and everything freezes in time. Everyone but me disappears and, miraculously, I'm free to roam, home to home, revelling in the exploration of people and the spaces they create.

Now, ask yourself this: If I stole into your home, what would I learn about you? How would your home describe the way you live, the things you love? Is it a unique expression of you and your family? Dare I ask: Does it have soul?

Many homes do not. These days, the average interior is unfortunately (and unnecessarily) suburban -- that is, homogenous, bland and conservative.

So, at the risk of offending, let me describe to you what you probably think when you walk into one of these homes.

Hmmm, this is pretty good: glossy hardwood floors, warm neutral finishes and ivory crown mouldings. In the living room a beige sofa, chocolate leather chairs, a faux Persian rug, an ottoman, dark wood side tables, glass lamps and a silver fireplace mirror. Pale blue and green cushions.

"Hmm," you say to yourself. "Nice house."

Nice?

Nice is, at best, a middling virtue. But it's not wow! It's not ahhhhh or yummm, or anything else you'd say in a moment of ineffable appreciation. Nice is how you describe your best friend's plain boyfriend. Your home has more potential.

A house becomes a home when it's filled with authenticity, history and personality -- all of which are unique to you. Don't rush -- these qualities develop over time. The defining aspect of a home is that it's a work in progress. It's an entity that breathes and lives.

Remember also what a home is not: a showroom, a formula or a storehouse for items that signify status.

Let's start with the idea of authenticity. Ask yourself: How do I spend my time here? What hours of the day am I at home? What do I do in this time? What do I need to enjoy these tasks and experiences fully?

Me, I'm at home evenings and weekends. My days pulse with the lives and needs of clients and staff, and so, in my downtime, I require a quiet, restful retreat. I read, listen to music, and watch TV, so lots of comfortable seating is important. Most weekends, I have a friend or two over for dinner, and we never sit at a table.

For me, home means relaxation and ease. Nothing is precious: feet can rest anywhere, and no surface is inhospitable to a glass of wine. The informality of my home reflects one basic assumption: that my friends and our time together are more important than the items that occupy my space.

In contrast, I have many clients who love to formally entertain. These are people who have glamorous and sometimes extravagant tastes. They favour lacquered finishes, crystal chandeliers, and dramatic accessories. I revel in the play of designing for the privileged and their well-heeled needs, but their experience is distinct from my own.

Next, let's talk history. It's difficult for people to properly revere the historic in a country where few buildings are more than a hundred years old. I find our Western indifference to history disheartening. Culturally, we constantly pursue newness. Our homes are filled with the trendy, the poorly manufactured, and the designed-to-be-obsolete. As a result, our spaces often feel contrived and impersonal.

Don't get me wrong: We don't need to be neo-classicists. I love modern interiors. But people, places, and things have their own unique and intimate history, and a home should reflect that.

Incorporate family heirlooms or antiques into your furnishing plan. Paired with contemporary or mid-century modern furnishings, aged pieces can make a dynamic addition to the home. Consider painting or lacquering the pieces if their original finish lacks lustre.

The patina of weathered or distressed surfaces creates a reference to age and history, without the actual presence of them. Oxidized metal, chiselled stone, and earthenware ceramics are materials that bring sensuousness to any space.

Most importantly, look to your own history--to the objects you've saved, to the items you cherish and pack away. Is there a way to celebrate them in your home? Such items create a connection between you and your home. They're wonderful pieces upon which to build collections or create decorative vignettes.

This brings me to my final point: personality.

What is your favourite item of clothing? What colour do you like best? What is your favourite food, wine, or dessert? Where have you travelled? Why did you go? What is your most cherished memory? At what time of year do you feel most alive?

In creating a space that's an authentic expression of you, these are not arbitrary questions. They are your inspiration.

Here's what I mean: My favourite shirt is linen, my favourite colour white. My comfort food is Indian and I prefer to eat it at the beach. I like spicy, earthy wines, and I'll always take a mango over a fancy dessert. In addition to Canada, I've lived in England, New Zealand and Australia, and I've travelled in Europe, the United States, Mexico and Costa Rica. New York is my favourite city and summer is the season in which I feel most alive.

Could a beige sofa, chocolate leather chairs, and the rest of the standard kit ever be an expression of me?

And you?

So, here's my appeal: Forgo safety and predictability, unless, of course, those are the adjectives you'd use to describe yourself. Create a home infused with your personality and inspired by your needs. Do this by identifying what you love and then celebrating the colours, textures, and experiences that move you. By your labours, you'll impress yourself and all those you welcome into your home.

TIPS:

Assess your needs: Think how you need your home to function to support your lifestyle. Shape it accordingly.

Don't forget history: Incorporate furnishings, finishes and objects that have history and texture. They'll add visual tension, sensuousness and warmth to your contemporary home.

Celebrate you: Make a list of your favourite ideas, memories and experiences. Then collect a series of your favourite objects. Collectively, these ideas and objects make up a "pallet" that will inspire a unique look for your home.

Experiment: Don't be afraid to try different groupings and furniture configurations -- move furnishings from one room to the next, try colours and textures together that you're uncertain about. The only way to learn is by trying.

Don't aim for perfection: The imperfect, the weathered, the delightfully mismatched and the tarnished can all add character to any home.

Commentary on Newspaper articles

Hands off Christmas, say British religious leaders

By Paul Majendie
LONDON (Reuters) - Hindus, Sikhs and Muslims joined Britain's equality watchdog on Monday in urging Britons to enjoy Christmas without worrying about offending non-Christians.
"It's time to stop being daft about Christmas. It's fine to celebrate and it's fine for Christ to be star of the show," said Trevor Phillips, chairman of the Equality and Human Rights Commission.
"Let's stop being silly about a Christian Christmas," he said, referring to a tendency to play down the traditional celebrations of the birth of Christ for fear of offending minorities in multicultural Britain.
Suicide bombings by British Islamists in July 2005 which killed 52 people in London have prompted much soul-searching about religion and integration in Britain, a debate that has been echoed across Europe.
The threat of radical Islam, highlighted by the London attacks, prompted reflection about Britain's attitude to ethnic minorities and debate about whether closer integration was more important than promoting multiculturalism.
Phillips, reflecting on media reports of schools scrapping nativity plays and local councils celebrating "Winterval" instead of Christmas, feared there might an underlying agenda -- using "this great holiday to fuel community tension."
So he joined forces with leaders of minority faiths to put out a blunt message to the politically correct -- Leave Christmas alone.
"Hindus celebrate Christmas too. It's a great holiday for everyone living in Britain," said Anil Bhanot, general secretary of the UK Hindu Council.
Sikh spokesman Indarjit Singh said: "Every year I am asked 'Do I object to the celebration of Christmas?' It's an absurd question. As ever, my family and I will send out our Christmas cards to our Christian friends and others."
Their sentiments were echoed by British Muslim leaders, who were also forthright last week in condemning Sudan for jailing a British teacher for letting her pupils name a teddy bear Mohammad.
Muslim Council of Britain spokesman Shayk Ibrahim Mogra said "To suggest celebrating Christmas and having decorations offends Muslims is absurd. Why can't we have more nativity scenes in Britain?"

Lately in the paper, I have been seeing things about Christmas echoing the sentiments as seen above. There was an incident with a Santa in Austrailia who was supposed fired because he refused to say "ha ha ha" instead of "ho ho ho". The Ho Ho Ho was considered offensive as "ho" is derogatory towards women. "Merry Christmas" is considered offensive to those who are not Christians or who do not celebrate this tradition. I remember when the expression was changed. or rather people were banned/advised against using the term "Merry Christmas" but were encouraged to attend "Holiday concerts" instead of "Christmas concerts", to have "holiday trees", etc.

I am a Christian minister working in a multifaith context. Part of our work is to have dialogue with our patients/clients, etc. We are not here to "preach at them" but rather we are to engage people in dialogue about their faith, their spiritual life and what it is that brings them hope, meaning and to encourage them to use these as resources in times of crisis. Spiritual care is about dialogue not about evangelism. Unfortunately, a lot of people have had bad experiences or bad education and hence my role is often misunderstood. A key aspect to dialogue is respect. Respect for the other person's views in light of their personal experience and their view of the world. So this is my goal to maintain respect and encourage growth of their spiritual life. This should be the goal of everyone in society -- Respect -- however not everyone understands this term in the same way. And so we get incidents and comments like the newspaper articles.

More Files from my computer

Did you know that when you envy someone, it's because you really like that person?

Did you know that those who appear to be very strong in heart are real weak and most susceptible?

Did you know that those who spend their time protecting others are the ones that really need some one to protect them?

Did you know that the three most difficult things to say are:
I love you, Sorry and help me

The people who say these are actually in need of them or really feel them, and are the ones you really need to treasure, because they have said them.


Did you know that people who occupy themselves by keeping others company or helping others are the ones that actually need your company and help?

Did you know that those who dress in red are more confident in themselves?

Did you know that those who dress in yellow are those that enjoy their beauty?

Did you know that those who dress in black are those who want to be unnoticed and need your help and understanding?

Did you know that when you help someone, the help is returned in two folds?

Did you know that those who need more of you are those that don’t mention it to you?

Did you know that it's easier to say what you feel in writing than saying it to someone in the face? But did you know that it has more value when you say it to their face?

Did you know that what is most difficult for you to say or do is much more valuable than anything that is valuable that you can buy with money?

Did you know that if you ask for something in faith, your wishes are granted?

Did you know that you can make your dreams come true, like falling in love, becoming rich, staying healthy, if you ask for it by faith, and if you really knew, you'd be surprised by what you could do.

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Sitting With A Shattered Soul

So how do you sit with a shattered soul? Gently, with gracious and deep respect. Patiently, for time stands still for the shattered, and the momentum of healing will be slow at first. With the tender strength that comes from an openness To your own deepest wounding, and to your own deepest healing. Firmly, never wavering in the utmost conviction that evil is powerful, but there is a good that is more powerful still. Stay connected to that goodness with all your being, however it manifests itself to you. Give freely. Take in abundantly. Find your safety, your refuge, and go there as you need. Words won't always come; sometime there are no words in the face of such tragic evil. But in your own willingness to be with them, they will hear you; from soul to soul they will hear that for which there are no words. When you can, in your own time, turn and face that deep chasm within. Let go. Grieve, rage, shed. ***************************************** Butt Prints in the Sand One night I had a wondrous dream, One set of footprints there was seen, The footprints of my precious Lord, But mine were not along the shore. But then some stranger prints appeared, And I asked the Lord, "What have we here?" Those prints are large and round and neat, "But Lord they are too big for feet." "My child," He said in somber tones, "For miles I carried you alone. I challenged you to walk in faith, But you refused and made me wait." "You disobeyed, you would not grow, The walk of faith, you would not know. So I got tired, I got fed up, and there I dropped you on your butt." "Because in life, there comes a time, when one must fight, and one must climb. When one must rise and take a stand, or leave their butt prints in the sand." author unknown